Advice on Doggy Dan Golden Rule #4- Your Terms

[Kaitlin and Ludo]

Hi guys,

I signed up for Doggy Dan right after the webinar last week and have been loving what I've been learning.  I'm bringing home my puppy, Ludo, in just a few days and I've been working really diligently to make sure that I have my head on straight when it comes to training.  It's funny (in sort of an embarrassing way) to go through it and see how much of the pack leader my last dog was.  He was a malti-poo and the family pet.  Since he was a lot smaller, somehow it was easier to excuse his jumping and barking or whatever else.  I'm am really determined to not make those same mistakes again (especially since Ludo will be a much bigger dog and not at all as easy to control!).

Anyway, I was wondering if anyone who has followed Doggy Dan can give me some advice/encouragement on the "Your Terms" rule.  I totally understand it's value and see it as the foundation for developing recall and status as the pack leader... but to ignore your dog when it lays it's head on your lap or drops a ball at your feet... I don't think I'll ever be able to do that.  It feels too mean to deny a baby that attention and love when they ask for it. He talked about how it prevents a dog that is your shadow as an adult and prevents him being overprotective and also being able to just "turn off" and relax.  Please tell me if I'm just blinded by new puppy excitement, but I think a dog that follows me around all day and lays on my feet sounds kind of great.

Has anyone been in my shoes or could anyone help me convince myself that following the rule isn't mean?  I'm split 60/40-- swinging back and forth between knowing that it's probably best in the long run to have everything be on my terms and giving myself the old "I'll follow everything BUT that."

Your advice, as always, is so greatly appreciated!

[Susan and Bentley]

I love this discussion and your comments. I agree 100% that it's just like raising our kids. Give them love and guidance and structure. Thank you all for these awesome comments!

[Kaitlin and Ludo]

Susan, I couldn't agree more.  I'm loving reading all these!

[Nancy & Echo]

Kaitlin, I am so impressed by your questions.  You are able to articulate questions I didn't even know I had. 

And I thank all of you for sharing the way 'Your Terms' can work.  You are all helping newbies like me.  Thank you!

[Karen, Jasper and Jackdoodle]

And these same principles apply to other areas of life with dogs.

Nobody here wants a dog who begs for food, right? 

Well, if hitting you with a paw or putting his face on your lap works to get you to pet him, maybe it will work to get you to give him a piece of that chicken you're eating for dinner, too. 

The most important thing to remember about dogs is that they love routine, and that anything you do once will cause the dog to repeat the behavior that got him results the last time. Hand the dog a piece of popcorn from that bowl in your lap one time, and you will never eat popcorn again without a dog in your face. And neither will anyone else in your home. :)

Imagine a dog who physically demands attention or a game of fetch any time he feels like it. When you're sick in bed. When you're rocking a sick baby. When you're talking to your contractor about your bathroom remodel. When you're transferring a pot of boiling water from the stove to the sink. The dog doesn't know that you're busy now and that you weren't busy the last time you threw the ball or rubbed his head because he demanded it. He only knows he made a demand and it was successful. Success is a great motivator.

[Jane, Guinness and Murphy]

This discussion started me thinking this afternoon about a neighbor of mine who has two Yorkies who are the most poorly adjusted and unbalanced dogs I have ever met.  She lives alone and these are her "babies", and so she has taught them to follow her around and be totally dependent on her.  I know she never intended that but she just loved them so much that she couldn't say "no" to any of their demands...she wanted them to be happy and she herself needed to fill her own need for someone to love who would love her back.  She has never been their leader....they run the house.  Whenever she leaves them alone (which is only when she has to get food or go to the doctor) they cry, bark and howl so loud that the whole neighborhood hears them....even with windows closed.  They are terrified and it breaks my heart to listen to them.  In her efforts to give them everything she thought they wanted (but clearly not what they needed) she has created two dogs who are so insecure that they can really not be alone without going into a highly stressed state.  I think it's so sad.  I think a lot of what Doggy Dan is saying is to help prevent this type of situation.  Granted this case is extreme, but I think there is a lesson from it.  I have to work hard myself not to spoil my guys....especially my little one, but I try real hard.

[Karen, Jasper and Jackdoodle]

This is such a good point, Jane. 

[BG and Gavin]

I think this type of situation is much more common than we think. I love my guy fiercely, but he is not a child or a "fur kid" as some people like to say. I think people really need to guard against anthropomorphism - and it seems to happen more with small dogs. In another group a lady felt that she was being slighted by other members because she chose to "home school" her dog. Whaaaat?

[Karen, Jasper and Jackdoodle]

Ditto that whaaaat? 

[Kaitlin and Ludo]

Whaaaaaaat?? I promise not to go that far!

[Adina P]

LOL...what does that even mean? 

[Kaitlin and Ludo]

I work from home and am going to be with Ludo most of the time, so I've read a LOT about separation anxiety and figuring out how to have a really well-adjusted dog (which, the more I read and think about really starts with Rule 4). I am seeing over and over in these examples how important it is to follow the "your terms" idea and that having an "always on" dog would really be a terrible disservice to my pet.  To be honest, I'm feeling a little silly that I would try and resist it in the first place.  Consider me officially over feeling guilty!

I really appreciate your help in setting me straight! :)

[Emery & Watson]

I've tried to implement some of Doggy Dan's rules since last Friday and I've already seen some differences.  Watson is almost 5 months old and he is great in the house, but many times he turns into a frenzied sled dog outside.

Just in a few days he's started to behave better outside (not perfect but I'll take any improvement I can get) and the improvement is with me, and not with my DH that isn't practicing the rules.  Trust me. Its hard to see my DH lavish Watson with attention when Watson runs up to him because 1) Watson won't respect him as much and 2) I'm jealous because I want to lavish Watson with attention when he runs up to me too. :)
But then I remember I can just wait a couple minutes, call him to me or have him Sit and the cuddle fun fest can begin