Attacked, Ganged up, and Intentionally Ostracized

[Nothing To Do With Doodles]

I understand that in every forum there is a clique of old members who monitor and oversee a forum. The purpose is typically to facilitate a harmonious and amicable atmosphere. This was NOT my experience here! I am NOT the only member who feels this way. After a few private messages, I've come to realize a lot people:
1. Feel they are not relevant and are simply being ignored (mostly new members),
2. Fear the condescension that follows after asking a question or posting a different opinion or
3. Won't share their experience out of fear of people ganging up and attacking them and then forced to be ostracized.
Essentially, no one wants drama. But how can there be a positive change without someone to speak up about the existing problem?

All of this seem especially ironic because it can't even be followed by the veterans of this forum the first few sentences out of DK Guidlines says:

"Be Nice. Doodle Kisses is here for connecting doodle owners around a common interest: our doodles! Even though we all love doodles, there will always be differing opinions within large groups. That is okay. Don't let your heated opinion about a topic or idea turn into heat against an individual.

Don't post on the public threads personal differences, arguments, old grudges, hearsay, private messages, etc. Keep personal grudges private. Doodle Kisses is not the place for rehashing old grudges or personal issues with other members. We don't provide judges, lawyers or juries."

This was seriously violated not by new members but from what I see veterans of this site. You see it on and off on different discussions but my particular experience was on recent discussion titled "diarrhea". The conversation took a turn when my opinion deviated from others regarding pet insurance. I had pet insurance for my five pets (3 dogs and 2 cats) for almost a decade, I wanted to share my experience. And ESPECIALY what I learned in the end but it was too late! One particular member strongly disagreed with my opinion and then her followers came in for the kill and to finish the job. Have I violated the rules and got offended? Absolutely!

Knowledge and experience are wonderful tools. When you have the good fortune of having it, it can be tremendously helpful and informative, but on the other hand, it is being used to bully and ostracize. It is my experience that if one educates people in a friendly manner, they are more likely to listen. So why not take the higher road? Let's try to enforce Adina's vision: "Doodle Kisses a fun, informative, and respectful place where we can all have fun 'talking doodle."

Read more here: http://www.doodlekisses.com/notes/Community_Guidelines#ixzz4KnzgKgYr

Disclaimer: For those of you posting a response, know it may get ignored ( as so much of my posts have been ignored by others in the past) but thank you for reading this.

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Chen, I know I am going to regret getting immersed into this drama, but so much about this post just bugs me. DK has been around a long time. So have many of its members. Some of else have developed real friendships with each other and have great respect for other member's opinions, experiences, and insight. Does that make us a clique? I don't think so, but there will be a more natural back and forth developed over time. Yesterday you posted this comment about those of us who advocated getting pet insurance for our pups....I thought this was a community where people can share their experiences NOT a dictatorship and sycophantic minions.  Since I was one of the minions (which by the way, I love and adore minions) because I jumped in with my experiences with our pet insurance and happened to agree with the person you also said had to be right (again...this seems not so nice to me) I guess you think I ganged up on you. I was only offering my opinion, that I have formed based on my experience, in what I thought was a fair and honest answer. Also, not every post is going to get replied to....people work, discussions get missed, you might just not have anything to add to the discussion or someone already said it better.....but it certainly does not mean anyone is out to get you. I am not a member of all groups, but I am very active in the Photography group and feel this group goes above and beyond in welcoming new members. By all means, post your opinions, give your experiences....but be prepared for others to post their opinions, their experiences....without taking it personally.

[33bn7f8evnuyd]

I simply recommended for people to start a savings fund because it would be smarter! It should be noted that I said you CAN get insurance. I just wanted share my cautionary tale. I got a strong reaction from Karen as to why my opinion was wrong.

I just didn't do what everyone else does at this point which is to acquiesce. There were some back and forth and the absurdity of it all is that even after I APOLOGIZED, she didn't let it go! What got me really angry is that the harassment DIDN't STOP after all that. In fact it got worse! De friend-check. Insulted- check. Then a slew of minions came barging in- check.

At this point, everyone was slinging mud and it was apparent to me this is clearly a dictatorship and I was not allowed to have a dissenting opinion. What I find really ironic is that she doesn't have insurance. I rescued my dog at 8 and started he on insurance and switched to a new insurance at 10 years. It didn't cover pre-existing conditions but the idea was to prevent costly procedures like cancer. She died July 27 2016 of cancer. Was anything covered? Nope!

Unlike everyone else in the forum, no I am not going to bow down and say you are correct when I disagree. You questioned my high premiums and coverage. I responded to your post with actual paperwork from Healthy Paws showing you that they paid about 50% despite 90% claimed coverage and the $125 in monthly premiums.

As to friends on this forum. I have made some really nice friends and there truly are nice people. This forum has so much more potential if their voices were not overshadowed.

[Donna K & Quincy]

So I wasn't involved in the discussion but I just read through it and my take on it is this ,you are ticked because no one agreed with you. You're new here, you haven't seen all the people who come through here begging for help because their dog needs help and they don't have the money to pay. What do we do? We dig in our own pockets and raise the money to help these folks out. So do we recommend pet insurance? Hell yes! If more people had insurance there would be less begging and fewer dogs being "put down" because of money. That my dear is why no one agreed with you. From what I saw you were the one who made this into an adversarial discussion. You haven't been here long enough to know all this. Also when you've answered the same question a thousand times it wears a bit thin. You tried to bring people around to your opinion, it didn't work, move on. In regard to responses to your posts, it's a free forum, if I or anyone else chooses not to respond that's our preogative. I don't know any of  your posts, but if I read them and had something to contribute I would. 

BTW Not every subject is agreed on by everyone, that what's makes it a discussion. Name calling and rude remarks are not the way to make your point. 

Disclaimer.   Feel free to ignore this post.

Signed. One of the sycophantic minions. 

[33bn7f8evnuyd]

People who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones.

[Jane, Guinness and Murphy]

Chen, this is a forum which by definition provides a place where ideas and views on an issue can be exchanged.  Often there are differing opinions on issues...that's just the way life works.  Some of us feel very strongly about some things because we have experience which drives our position and our passion.  You and everyone else have a right to take the input shared here and do with it what you want.  You can agree or not...it's up to you...it's your right.  These "veterans" that I think you are referring to do have spent countless hours trying to help others going through serious behavioral or medical issues with their dogs.  We are so lucky on this site to have these "veterans" who have the background, experience and willingness to help DK members who are often going through very difficult times.  Go through some of the group discussions and see how many times dogs have been helped (and in a few cases I can remember even saved) because of the objective and accurate information and advice provided here, often by our "veterans".  You mention that one of the individuals who felt strongly about the need for insurance doesn't carry it herself...and it appears that you meant that as a criticism.  That's correct, but what you don't know is that her rescue came to her with many very serious pre-existing conditions, and would be basically uninsurable.  She has spent thousands of dollars to save her dog...of course, she sees the value of insurance and would give anything to have been able to have it for her Doodle.  She also devotes much of her time to the Doodle Rescue collective and sees the dogs who are being relinquished by people who are unable to pay for their medical care...in many of these situations they would have been able to keep their dogs if they had insurance.  Seeing this day in and day out would make anyone passionate about the value of insurance for many people.  Of course, there are those with unlimited financial resources where it is simply unnecessary...clearly that's not who we're talking about.  So I don't want to turn this back into an insurance discussion, but absolutely feel that you need to know the full story.  Again, you can do with this information what you want.  You can choose to understand that we are all here to try to help one another by sharing experience and insight or you can decide that you'd just rather be upset that people disagreed with you.  We are a wonderful group of supportive Doodle owners here on DK.  Those DKers that I've gotten to know are always there to help out by offering advice or sometimes just a shoulder to cry on.  This is a special site with special people.  I guess I need to thank you for reminding me of that.

[33bn7f8evnuyd]

I appreciate the clarification and you letting me know about Karen's position.  I did see that she was founded Doodle Rescue Collective.  In fact, my first dog was a rescue and after spending thousands of dollars was the reason we decided on insurance. I've been heavily involved with numerous rescues (Pug, Australian Shepard, Persian Cat, and Exotic Bird ...to name a few) over the years and have contributed thousands of dollars to their fundraising endeavors. I promise you Karen is not the only person on this forum with a wealth of information and experience with rescues.  I understand she has helped a lot of people and if you read my first post I even said that! I am not disputing that she has helped a lot of people. Again my problem wasn't that people disagreed with me but she clearly has an issue handling dissenting opinions and took it personally.  When the escalating insults came my way I sure as hell am not going back down and ESPECIALLY after an apology.  

[Jane, Guinness and Murphy]

From my perspective you wern't attacked or insulted, so we'll have to "agree to disagree".

[Sam&Bella]

I understand where Chen is coming from. They both had their opinions, but it got out of hand. I have had different opinions, but I didn't comment because I didn't want there to be any tension, or an argument between myself and whoever I was going to respond to. Chen was sharing her experience with pet insurance, just to give some different options, and a heads up, to the person who's original discussion was about a doodle's stomach problems. Karen was also talking about pet insurance, but after a semi-friendly "argument" Chen did say she was sorry for upsetting her if she did, after some unhappy comments made. But it continued, after she tried to end it. After the second comment made on the subject, the next response should have been, "I agree to disagree." Instead of the whole negative experience.

 Please, please, please, know that I do not mean to upset anybody with this comment, I just thought that I would share my honest opinion about this:)

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

I think "I agree to disagree" would have been the way to go. Unfortunately, some of the comments have been deleted from the original discussion so it is now hard to point some things out about who said what. The bottom line is many people feel passionately about many topics on DK and this won't be the first time we have disagreed and it won't be the last. I hope you continue to share your opinions!

[Sam&Bella]

Thanks:) I will try... ;^)

[33bn7f8evnuyd]

lol now I understand why Karen quoted me so much. 

[33bn7f8evnuyd]

Thank you Sam! I think that it was lost to folks that I tried to end it.  Well said about the agree to disagree. PLEASE be kind to Sam. She is very sweet and ALWAYS has something nice to say about other's posts or photos.