Civility--Be Nice!!!!!

[F, Calla & Luca]

We have wars in Afghanistan and Iraq. There are conflicts in the Middle East and many other places. Can we not make DoodleKisses a place where kindness and civility reign?  We are all entitled here to express our opinions on many topics as long as there is no profanity, or commercialism. I would also plead that we do not personalize issues by criticizing one another,  personalizing comments, or taking them personally. There really is no need to be defensive or offensive. This is basically about doodles. We can disagree without rancor, can't we? 
Aside from an occasional post by a doodle or someone's child we are all adults : )  I for one spend time on DK because it is informative, fun and sometimes I believe I can add something informative, supportive or even amusing. I do not want to become angry or even annoyed by people sniping at one another. If you don't like something said respond by disagreeing with the content. Ignore those posts that don't interest you. Adina has as the first guideline of DK "Be Nice".  Let's abide with it. And please don't shoot this messenger!

Addendum:
I believe that my intention about being kind has been heard loud and clear. Now, I think it is time to put that thought into action and focus on doodles and happy themes. So I am closing this discussion. Afterthought can be sent to me directly.

[Maryann,Roo and Tigger]

Ditto

[Leigh & Allie]

Oooh looks like I missed something. Just kidding. I totally agree. I saw a post a while ago and I could not get it off my mind because people were saying things that they would never say to someone in person. I think people forget we are talking to someONE and not a computer screen.

[Dr. Judith P. LaVorgna]

Well one would hope that would be the way of life here. However, being on the recieving end of a non-civil comment last night
and observing the same type of response in the food group just a bit ago, I think perhaps the balance of "power" is tipped a bit against someone reaching out from time to time to make a comment or ask a question. Most social forums do have members who tend to post more than others...for whatever reason...but not particularly because that person has become a self or other proclaimed expert in multiple fields, or possibly for thse reasons.. That is both a joy and a risk for DK...and one clearly Adina would have thought of as she founded DK and oversees its growth. The written word is variably interpreted without sound, animation, body language or eye contact. And sometimes a post is made quickly just to get into the stream of conciousness of the discussion. I felt sorrier for the poster this morning than I felt for myself last night. Does it make me comfortable to then want to post again? No. I would prefer those sites where civil discussion exists with a plethora of feelings and attitudes and a sense of joy and humor and forgiveness are enabled for all participants...the great equalizer of civilness opposed to militarism. Will I post again on DK? Surely, but ever cautiously and very carefully. Power corrupts and absolute power corrupts absolutely, as is said. At least two of us arent' feeling so great and the effort to ask for civility is a genuine outreach for kindness...at least to two of us. I thank you for that.

[F, Calla & Luca]

I did not post in regard to any one incident or person(s). We all should consider what we post before we do so but we should feel free to post. As far as I'm concerned we all have equal status and "power" here except for OFL (our fearless leader), Adina. She has always been kind, thoughtful, and considerate to a fault, IMHO, even though we have disagreed at times. I think too we should all ask ourselves what role, if any, we may have had in any unpleasantness both here and in so called real life. No matter how good we are :), we can all change for the better. That is my goal and my life's work. I hope that this post can help us all in our quest for a good experience on DK.

[Dr. Judith P. LaVorgna]

Hey Leigh, this has happened to me before....and I too enjoy DK as it relates to the Doodle rescue and rehome kids who wander through here seemingly weekly!! And my own three currently in a stare down with the poor pool guy who is shakingly trying to add chlorine to the pool here!!! I guess I'm not going to ever be able to develop thick skin. Mine is old and thin and getting pretty wrinkly. I suspect when one feels a sense of fear in saying something relatively innocuous and getting taken to task which then derails the entire conversation, it is probably better to just read the comments and pretend to answer or chime in...but not post anything. While I think I'm fairly good at handling difference, my life set is not to be fooled with or squished in having a simple conversation turned into an unnesecary assault. l have been more than kind to this person over the period of several months now. I have looked the other way at a series of misinformed information posted and passed on in a number of subjects, including very very sick Doodles. Your work (daily), mine (daily), and others (daily) who simply back off and allow this person to reign over so much of the critical factors discussed on DK, but effect us almost every waking moment in stark reality. Especially for new or neophyte owners. The post Adina made was a critical one as it relates to the question of early spay neuter. ESN at 2 wks or 3 or 4 wks...about which there had on another site been a very interesting and thought provoking discussion as to consequences...which is where this article was headed...is heading in the field of Veterinary medicine. Two opposing schools of thought. After I was upbraided for no valid reason whatsoever, and dropped out, the conversation went on but never to that magnitude of thoughtful reflection. That to me, is very sad. I guess Leigh there are places in the forest too dark for us to venture. However, for me, better to take my overall thoughts to places where I can speak freely, comfortably and with knowledge. And watch this one Leigh, you and I have more background in multiple Doodle disciplines than that poster has on the top of her pinkie fingernail. How's that for civil? Yup, I;m madder than hell and I don't care who knows about it. Except possibly for the poor folks who come here with a question and get blasted from Shanghia to Wisconsin. Glad to have two of us in the club!
.

[F, Calla & Luca]

I am hoping we can all go forward without pointing fingers or personalizing things. That said, if something occurs, stand up for yourself and confront rudeness. But then let it go, please.

[Jane, Guinness and Murphy]

I really never felt at all reluctant to post my "take" on the ESN discussion. I formed my own conclusions after carefully reviewing the article, and I stated this was my decision for my own Doodles and lifestyle. If someone disagreed with my conclusions, I really wouldn't care, unless they were bringing new data to the table. Then, of course, I would be open to rethinking my position. I love data...the more the better! LOL

[Jane, Guinness and Murphy]

I certainly respect your point of view which includes not only the information included in this article, but your experience and that of your Mom. Thank you for adding this. Clearly, this is one of those things where there is no "unshakably right answer yet".

[Jane, Guinness and Murphy]

I certainly agree that we want Doodle Kisses to be a place where members are treated respectfully. That said, I also think that our styles are all very different, and what may be perceived as being "not nice" by one person, may be viewed as being open, honest, and direct by another. To ME, the real beauty of this site is that we have some incredibly knowledgeable members with a wealth of experience in dealing with Doodles. I can't even begin to tell you how many times that has "saved my sanity". I really don't care what someone's personal communication style is if they are sharing information that will help my dogs to live healthier lives and their intentions are to provide the benefit of their experience TO HELP ME. I may disagree, and sometimes I'll voice that disagreement online, and sometimes I won't. I guess after all these years I have developed a pretty "thick skin", and what is important to me is now how someone states something, but the value of what they are saying and their intention for saying it. So, do I think it's okay to be rude to one another...no, but "rudeness" can be subjective.

[F, Calla & Luca]

I agree with the idea of taking good advice no matter how it is offered. I do care about people's communication styles and sometimes my skin could be thicker. That said we can all work on civility and I'll work on skin thickening. This post was not prompted by anything directed at me but just as a general, gentle reminder on how we can make things pleasanter all round.

[Jane, Guinness and Murphy]

I understand and respect your point of view....and thank you for understanding mine!

[F, Calla & Luca]

: )