Do You Have An Arch-Nemesis?? Fudge and Vern, Or Should I Say Laurie, Have Two!!

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

I have had it with two creatures that share this earth with us. We walk everyday up at our nearby State Park and I have never killed (on purpose) an animal, but I am about to start packing (think Jane) like Elmer Fudd and start taking matters into my own hands. 

I am just not sure I can operate a weapon, hold poop bags, control two large dogs, and hit my target.  What has got my dander up?  Well, I will tell you! 

First of all, that park is loaded with geese and the main reason they seem to exist is to generate enough poop on the sidewalk, in the grass, and on any stationary object, that it forces humans to become nimble on their feet and hones our dog training techniques.  I am starting to wonder if every morning the head goose stands around and passes out Ex-Lax to make sure they have a very productive day.  We have all heard of a fleet of geese, and there is even a laxative called Fleet and if I worked in Marketing at the Fleet company, I would suggest their slogan be, "Makes you poop like a goose!" 

Possibly, the solution is to find the pill dispensing goose and either hand it a supply of poop bags or convince the goose that distributing Imodium capsules would allow her to live a longer life.

Yesterday, I was screaming, "Leave It!" so loudly at Fudge and Vern that I think I saw an old lady drop her purse. Our entire walk consists of me on high alert for evidence that some goose with an overactive digestive system has walked this path before and then convincing my dogs that leaving gross stuff alone would be in their best interest. I can tell you I see no let up with these goose pie dropping beasts because they are multiplying by the dozens.  Sure, the babies are cute, but it is just a matter of time before they get bigger and say to themselves, "this is as good as place as any," when the urge strikes and we all know that is somewhere on a sidewalk. 

Next up, we have the groundhog, or as I like to call them, the moving rodent from hell. This little guy serves one purpose and that is to come out once a year, either see his shadow or not, and predict the weather. 

The rest of the time he is digging holes big enough to swallow a human whole, or running from hole to hole while you are walking your dogs and trying to engage them in a game of Red Rover, Red Rover, Send Fudge and Vern Over.  He has no regard to the human attached to the other end of their leashes.  I am all for working with distractions, but fifty mounds of goose poop and fourteen groundhogs running willy-nilly would tax even Victoria Stillwell or Mother Teresa, especially since I strongly believe in another life, Fudge and Vern were hunting dogs.

So, I ask you, can anyone come up with one good reason why I shouldn't start carrying a rifle and put these creatures out of MY misery?  I will consider all suggestions, but don't bother bringing up the fact that I don't know how to shoot, have never hunted, and am prone to nervous tics.  I need valid reasons only.

[Ann Kendig]

The previous owners had seen a fox around so I guess they assumed it was the fox although they did see a couple coyotes on the property over time. Not to get too graphic but the heads were eaten off but most of the bodies were left. I would think if it were a coyote it would have eaten more??? Yuck

[Bonnie and Kona]

Swans are as mean as geese, though... just sayin'.

[Ann Kendig]

I didn't know that but I wondered. I'd still take the swans though if I had to pick.

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Karen, Did you see this story? I told my husband when your time is up, it is up, after I read this one.

http://www.fieldandstream.com/blogs/field-notes/2012/04/mute-swan-a...

[F, Calla & Luca]

I wonder what ticked the swan of?

[Karen, Jasper and Jackdoodle]

I did not know about this. I think I'd still take the swans over the geese, though. At least they seem to travel in pairs rather than gaggles. (And "gag" is very appropriate, don't you think?)

[Jane, Guinness and Murphy]

OMD, this is hysterical Ann.  I hear you on the DH snoring thing.....nothing worse than laying there thinking of ways that you can "do him in"  and not have to go to prison.  I managed to convince my DH that he had sleep apnea and stopped breathing several times during the night...I assured him he would have a heart attack and die.  He got freaked out enough to go get one of those breathing masks that you wear when you sleep....no more snoring. 

[Ann Kendig]

LOL Jane!!! Good for you, and your husband. Thankfully it worked and everyone is getting some sleep and your hubby doesn't stop breathing anymore. Maybe I should have you talk to my husband as he doesn't take me seriously.

Yes, I killed him a thousand times over in my mind as I lay there. He knows it too because I have woke him up and told him!!! Sleep depravation makes me cranky.

My cousin's husband is the worst by far! He sleeps in the basement so she could get some sleep. His snoring kept me awake once when I went to visit. He was in the basement and I was upstairs (two story house). The sounds of his snoring was traveling through the heating ductwork and into my bedroom via the register!!!

[Pat and Traveler]

Ann--very vivid!  If I were closer, I'd sneak by for some of that great snack food.  I promise not to growl.  :)

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Ann, Wow...I cracked up through your entire comment. What a vivid picture you painted and I have a husband who procrastinates about everything until his wife starts repeating (not nagging) the same sentence over and over again. LOL I am glad you got rid of those varmints.

[Jane, Rooney & Stuart]

Laurie - too funny (I hope I don't really look like Elmer Fudd)!  I would be more than happy to take a trip up to see you and exterminate, errrr I mean take a look at your problem area.  I will confess that although I am pretty good with a gun - I have never shot an animal before but I feel that I could handle it if you just tell me that you'll eat it and then I wouldn't have to feel too bad.  Can we say groundhog stew?  LOL

[Ann Kendig]

I would have a hard time shooting an animal except for a POSSUM!!!! If I knew how to shoot a gun I wouldn't hesitate. No possum stew for me please!!! I had one in my garage laying under a moving blanket thingy. I picked up the blanket and the darn thing tried to bite me!!! Scared the S%$# out of me!!! It was one nasty, mean varmint. By brother and dad had to come over and rescue me.