DON'T KILL THE MESSENGER

[Pam and Ginger Snap]

Hi All,

I have been on this site for a year and a half. I have gotten some great advise and made some nice friends.  I have gotten great grooming tips, food advice, lots of laughs and a few tears.  However, I have noticed recently when people ask questions, there is a tendency to be a little forceful with answers.  A lot of people are asking  questions or looking for solutions for real problems....aggressive dogs, food issues, re-homing issues...and instead of lending a sympathetic ear and helpful advice, there seems to be some quick responses with judging comments.  Often times I feel sorry for the person asking the question, and some of the answers are mean-spirited.  Some are very helpful.

Sometimes people don't see previous posts.  When someone re-posts something, or asks a question, again...the poster is not doing it to be a pain...maybe they just didn't see the original post.

I like this site. I like knowing peoples stories, and their pups.

I hope that this post can make people think twice before they post an answer to a post, where the poster is seeking advice.  The advice might be something that the poster does not like, but it can be stated in a kinder way.

For example, I am really nervous that people are going to react harshly to this post.

[Donna K & Quincy]

But she didn't get rid of the puppy, she got rid of the carpet. :>)

[Jane, Guinness and Murphy]

I would have been tempted to get rid of the DH who brought me the special surprise.

[Ricki and Tara (doodle)]

Yes, I would have been tempted to plunge the knife somewhere besides the carpet!

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Me, too :)  I bet we are thinking of the same location!!

[Ricki and Tara (doodle)]

Right, who needs carpet, anyhow?

[Pam and Ginger Snap]

Good point..seeing the problem from the other end of the telescope!

[Sherri, Sophie, Winston, & Kitty]

I've been thinking about this all afternoon at work and have come to the conclusion that I don't really ever recall anyone saying anything mean or nasty. I've never seen any name-calling or insult hurling on the forum. I've seen direct, perhaps a cold or curt remark, and maybe harsh, but not mean or insulting.

 

To be honest, if DK was the kind of place where people could join up left right and centre and post about abusive practices or irresponsible pet ownership without getting 'told', than I don't want to be a part of it. I don't want people like that as regular contributors on DK and if we start to be sympathetic, supportive and polite to these people then more will come out of the woodwork you can be sure. It would be a slippery slope. I'd rather have them addressed harshly and encourage them to change their behaviour or attitude, or else send them on their way, all the while sending a clear message to other would-be posters that his kind of thing is not acceptable and won’t be tolerated here. There are other forums for that kind of thing. No way do I want to be a member of a forum where we tolerate and even support people as they abandon perfectly lovely doodles because they don't want to be bothered with them any more, or where members post discussions about breeding their "awesome" doodles from X puppy mill.

 

I too squirm sometimes when I see a post by a naive new member who was expecting all butterflies and fluffy white clouds because I know this is not going to end well, and I sometimes feel bad about the fact that the poster is probably feeling like crap. But, I also know that chances are these are the doodles who end up in shelters and rescue down the road and all those people who are posting such harsh words are probably the same ones that shell out of their own pockets and spend their own personal time trying to rehabilitate those doodles or else cradle them when they are being put to sleep.

 

For me, I know exactly which group of people I want on my side. It's the ones who contribute regularly, support other members who legitimately want to be better pet owners (or caretakers??) and who hold high standards for pet care that I want on my side. Those people who come on here for the purpose of dumping their dogs or who want to keep their dogs outside because they are too rough or too dirty, they aren't the ones who held my hand when Winston had his seizures. It was Karen who stayed on the phone with me while I was waiting in the emergency animal hospital, and it was F who researched medical information for me, and all the other regulars who offered encouragement, advice and support. So if one of these 'core' members happens to fly off the handle from time to time at a new member who posts something intolerable, (as I have done once or twice), then I just shake my head and say 'there she goes'. Chances are those new “members” aren’t going to be around much longer anyway, and if they take their medicine with a grain of salt, stick it out and become a regular contributor and better doodle ‘parent’ then they have earned their place here.

 

Maybe it takes a thick skin to build a rapport on this site but I like it that way. I like the fact that when I post something stupid that I’m called on it. I like being held accountable and l like having high standards to live up to.

 

[Jane, Rooney & Stuart]

Holy doodle butts - I love this!!!!

[Sherri, Sophie, Winston, & Kitty]

LOL! Holy Doodle Butts is my new favourite saying! You're on a roll Jane!

[Jane, Rooney & Stuart]

Acronym # 2 - HDB - Holy Doodle Butts - calls for ANOTHER glass of wine!  LOL

[Sherri, Sophie, Winston, & Kitty]

clink!

[Jane, Guinness and Murphy]

Here's to thick skins and accountability.  Clink.