DON'T KILL THE MESSENGER

[Pam and Ginger Snap]

Hi All,

I have been on this site for a year and a half. I have gotten some great advise and made some nice friends.  I have gotten great grooming tips, food advice, lots of laughs and a few tears.  However, I have noticed recently when people ask questions, there is a tendency to be a little forceful with answers.  A lot of people are asking  questions or looking for solutions for real problems....aggressive dogs, food issues, re-homing issues...and instead of lending a sympathetic ear and helpful advice, there seems to be some quick responses with judging comments.  Often times I feel sorry for the person asking the question, and some of the answers are mean-spirited.  Some are very helpful.

Sometimes people don't see previous posts.  When someone re-posts something, or asks a question, again...the poster is not doing it to be a pain...maybe they just didn't see the original post.

I like this site. I like knowing peoples stories, and their pups.

I hope that this post can make people think twice before they post an answer to a post, where the poster is seeking advice.  The advice might be something that the poster does not like, but it can be stated in a kinder way.

For example, I am really nervous that people are going to react harshly to this post.

[Shannon and Finn]

Man, there are a lot of responses!

I was told this anecdote once that I remember all the time (she had a more colorful version) and it came to mind again today:

"The first time someone says you have a tail, you can blow them off,

The second time someone says you have a tail, you should think about it,

The third time someone says you have a tail, turn around and look for pete's sake!"

Applies to both sides of any discussion and is great advice.  I think she said it was an old AA saying but I don't remember and wasn't going to look it up.

[Lori, Rooney & Zuzu]

THAT IS AWESOME!!! 

[Jennifer,Chloe & Myla]

Love this Shannon!

[Adina P]

Another thought is this.  There's 'the truth' and there's our judgment about the person or our opinion about what they should do.  For example:  The truth could be that dogs need between X and Y protein grams per day.  But the type of food one should or should not feed is only opinion and none of MY business.  I may try to encourage someone to use a different brand or persuade to a different action but ultimately if someone wants to use Purina then that is their choice as much as it is my choice to be a vegetarian or Atkins' follower or eat TV dinners every night or feed my kids candy when grocery shopping or let them eat as much cake as they want at birthday parties.  I totally understand, though when facts convince US that certain choices are best it is hard not to want to get others to follow suit because we do it out of what we see as 'the best for the dog'.  But that is similar to someone telling me how to raise MY child so I try to be as neutral as possible but sometimes I too really think people should make the choices I think make most sense.

[Karen, Jasper and Jackdoodle]

And that's true if someone gives you advice unsolicited. But  this discussion is about people voluntarily asking for other peoples' opinions. If you go to a public forum and ask strangers how you should raise your child, you are inviting them to tell you what choices they think you should make.

[F, Calla & Luca]

Exactly.

[Stacy, Bruno, Molly and Gracie]

I agree and thank you for having the courage to bring it up. I have been shocked at some of the quick, harsh replies to some people that seem to be seeking help. It makes me hesitate to post a question that may be "controversial" and because I am a newer doodle owner I don't always know it is "controversial". Thanks for reminding all of us of the need to stop, listen and assume the best.

[Pam and Ginger Snap]

Thanks for the support!

[Jane, Rooney & Stuart]

Doodle MUST  be re-homed!  Yes he IS a beloved member of our family but when we adopted him we never gave thought to the fact that he might become "ball obsessed".  It is an incurable doodle disease - there is no hope.  It started off innocently enough - a little old Italian man at the dog park thought Stuart should be able to fetch.  Stuart did not want to fetch but little old man would not give up.  All of a sudden it clicked - Stuart could actually catch the ball in his mouth - running and leaping.  Now no matter that I walk him 3.3 miles every morning - smaller walks through out the day and then 1  - 1.5 hrs at the dog park - with me throwing and throwing the ball - I can't wear him out and I think my rotator cuff is going.  Now I'm worn out.  My heart is breaking but for a noniminal fee of $3,000 I will deliver this incurable doodle to your home.   He leaves behind his brother Rooney who will mourn his loss.

 

 

[Gail and Bailey]

I'll take him!!!! At $3000 he is a bargin! What a handsome and talented boy!!  :)  Maybe he could teach my girl Bailey to fetch....she is having a hard time with the concept.

[Jane, Rooney & Stuart]

Be warned - there is a little old Italian guy that WILL solve your problem!  But as far as Stuart - yes I was mocking some of the posts we see here :)

[BG and Gavin]

I'LL TAKE HIM JANE!!!  I have a fenced yard and a tennis racquet.