DON'T KILL THE MESSENGER

[Pam and Ginger Snap]

Hi All,

I have been on this site for a year and a half. I have gotten some great advise and made some nice friends.  I have gotten great grooming tips, food advice, lots of laughs and a few tears.  However, I have noticed recently when people ask questions, there is a tendency to be a little forceful with answers.  A lot of people are asking  questions or looking for solutions for real problems....aggressive dogs, food issues, re-homing issues...and instead of lending a sympathetic ear and helpful advice, there seems to be some quick responses with judging comments.  Often times I feel sorry for the person asking the question, and some of the answers are mean-spirited.  Some are very helpful.

Sometimes people don't see previous posts.  When someone re-posts something, or asks a question, again...the poster is not doing it to be a pain...maybe they just didn't see the original post.

I like this site. I like knowing peoples stories, and their pups.

I hope that this post can make people think twice before they post an answer to a post, where the poster is seeking advice.  The advice might be something that the poster does not like, but it can be stated in a kinder way.

For example, I am really nervous that people are going to react harshly to this post.

[Bonnie and Kona]

Hahaha... this is the funniest thing you have ever posted, Jane! You wouldn't give up Stuart for $30,000!

I am dealing with a bit of fetching obsession at my house too. Kona is a great toy catcher, ball or anything else. He is very, very polite so he doesn't bug us for much but if he could he would be catching a flying missle all freaking day long! He is currently standing next to me panting with a goofy grin on his face and his toy at my feet. That's my clue to toss the toy.

[Jane, Rooney & Stuart]

You are right - I LOVE this boy - he has become ball obsessed though :(    Tonight I had to crack down because he started to paw me to get me to throw a toy - in the house - he's never done that before and it scratched me.  I need one of those automated ball thrower things. 

[Karen, Jasper and Jackdoodle]

LOL, Jane, as if you would ever give him up. I would take him in a New York minute, but we are at full capacity for ball-obsessed doodles here and I need at least one good rotator cuff.

[Jane, Guinness and Murphy]

I really think Adina said it really well in the DK Guidelines....Doodle Kisses is here for connecting doodle owners around a common interest: our doodles! Even though we all love doodles, there will always be differing opinions within large groups. That is okay. Don't let your heated opinion about a topic or idea turn into heat against an individual.
I read this to mean that it's fine to have heated and differing opinions on subjects as long as we don't turn it against an individual.  That feels like the perfect balance to me.  For example, we can have and express  strong opinions about leaving a dog outside unattended all day as long as we don't turn that into an attack on the individual.

[Sherri, Sophie, Winston, & Kitty]

Yes, exactly! 

 

I feel like just as some folks worry about harsh responses to their post, I don't think other members should have to walk on egg shells and be afraid to post an opinion in case someone else interprets it as mean or harsh. We are all different and communicate in different ways and that is OK. Some people value politeness above all else, other people value directness and brutal honesty at all costs, most people are somewhere in between. Perhaps there is room for all approaches so long as the individual in question isn't being personally attacked or insulted.

 

[Michelle Motorola]

This site has helped me out so much, i think when you make a post especially about opinions and suggestions it is a no brainer that someone will respond with there opinion or suggestion whether you like the answer or not.

I myself am guilty of writing posts about food, insurance etc. but the slightest thing like maybe (whats available in your area) and it could be a post similar to your question that is 2 years old and maybe things have changed since then. I think you people are amazingly helpful, and i am learning so much. I would love to one day respond to posts with my suggestions and opinions but as i am a new dog owner i dont have much experience!   i will one day and i hope to be as helpful as everyone has been to me:)

Thanks everyone

[BG and Gavin]

And I am certain that you will be helpful to others Michelle.  But in the meantime, please keep participating by answering posts like this, and commenting on blog posts and pictures that people post of their adorable doodles.  There are many ways to contribute and support others that do not require a great deal of time or expertise.  Thanks for responding!

[Bonnie and Kona]

I'm late to this discussion and haven't read all 19 pages of comments but I will chime in here. I think it is good to be reminded to be respectful to others but I think that is the way almost all discussions go (except some of the funniest ones that make me cry with laughter).

I love DK. I am always impressed by the sensitivity and kindness expressed on this site. I'm only on one other forum that's for people with Chronic Daily Migraines but it isn't nearly as useful, helpful or warm as DK. I never expected to make friends on the internet but I really do care about many of the people who post here and feel that they have been exceptionally kind to me.

Feathers may get ruffled occasionally, but I think the norm is a very civilized and respectful community.

And Pam, I always enjoy your comments so I hope you keep posting!

[Nancy, Ned, Clancy, and Charlie]

Thank you for reminding us that we need to make sure that our words 'look' nice.  It is sometimes hard when the nuances found in speech or body language aren't in the written word.

[Nancy, Ned, Clancy, and Charlie]

I posted that before I read ya'all's responses.  We do need to try for polite, but we also need to be honest. 

[Donna K & Quincy]

DK is a site for all of us with doodle and our life with those doodles. There are many posts and discussions some that have to do with our doodles and some that don't. DK is true to life, and like life, it is not all sweetness and light. No one sets out to intentionally hurt someone but there are times when a wakeup call is needed. Sugarcoating and mollycoddling is not always the way to go and can be more of a disservice than being frank and to the point. A discussion generally has more than than one opinion, and opinions and advice are what you ask for in a discussion. Sometimes things can't always be presented in a positive way and as Jane so eloquently put it "a frosted turd is still a turd". (not exactly the quote but close)

I once had a supervisor at work come up with a plan that was not going to work and I told her so. "Now, now, think positive" she said. "OK, I'm positive it's not going to work".  I'm also positive that those same people who some seem to think are harsh are most likely the same ones who give freely and selflessly of themselves to help us and our doodles and do so willingly and sometimes without a lot of thanks. I have to say more often than not I agree with them, I'm just not as brave as they are.

We support our DK family, we laugh with them, we cry with them, sometimes we even disagree with them but they are here when you need them and that's what counts.

 

[Christine & Camus]

I've been reading this post for the last hour and wanted to stop many times and respond to an individual post, but then thought – no – I need to keep reading. There are so many responses that I wanted to respond to (in agreement)!  I love Doodle Kisses and although I have cringed a few times, I know that passion is the drive behind the comments and admittedly, I am a bit thin-skinned.  (I too, had a mother who only said one kind thing to me – she liked my sewing.)  This has been a great discussion and some of the banter has been hilarious.  Cheers to Doodle Kisses Members!!