Ever Have Second Thougths About your Doodle?????

[Gail+Kathleen,(Sydney+Olivia:)]

After dealing with another medical issue with Sydney are we the right Doodle Moms?  As I sit here with tears in my eyes, I ask, Have any of you had second thoughts about having brought your Doodles into your homes?  Well, we have......both Kathy and I have had conversations many, many times about Sydney our first Doodle......As tears stream from my eyes, I must share with you that Sydney was not what each of you know what a Doodle would look like as you brought each of your Doodles into your homes. We have been disappointed not only with how Sydney looks, but the fact that she sheds and most importantly, that she has had lots of medical issues from the time she was a puppy.  We grew up with that "guilty complex" that keeps us fom what others would find easier to do what suits their lifestyle.  I know that resentment towards our breeder is not the answer.  Perhaps finding out what the "Reason for our having our "SYDNEY" may be the answer some day.  All of you on DK cannot probably relate to our feelings since we see how your expectations have been met.  We are wondering what is the real reason to have Sydney in our lifes?

[L.M.]

Karen and Caitlin, I think your responses say it all.  All dogs, and all people for that matter, no matter what breed, mix, type, etc... hold no guarantees as to how they will look, live, or behave.  How boring would life be if we could predict all of that?!  I've learned...through a lot of difficult experiences....that life's unpredictability is what keeps it interesting and that we can't expect anything to be perfect or "typical."  

You said that for many of us on DK, "our expectations have been met..."  I don't even remember what my "expectations" for my pups were....I know that they've changed and continue to change...but I do expect that my pups will continue to never cease to amaze me (whether it's about something good or bad...lol usually it's something naughty), make me laugh everyday, and keep me on my toes.      

I don't think anyone can answer your question about why you have Sydney in your lives.....maybe you should ask yourself what your life would be like without her.  My husband and I always ask ourselves what we would be doing if we didn't have our pups.  I can't even answer it anymore because I can hardly remember what life was like before them (and it's only been 2 years).    

I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason.....that idea has been my comfort throughout many trying times in my life.  I don't know the reason for many things that have happened in my life, but I'm confident that I'll have the answers someday.  I think eventually you'll understand your "reason" for having Sydney in your life....maybe Sydney, herself, will someday show you the reason that she chose you as a family.   =)

[Jennifer and Jack]

Karen, you just made me cry, I wish I was able to express myself the way you could. That is so true.

[shelly]

Amen, Karen!  Beautifully said! :o)

[Kim]

Karen!!!!  You just made me cry - AT WORK!!!!!  What a great story!

[Allyson, Peri & Taquito]

And bringing you to DK has helped a lot of people, especially when it comes to food.  Great story. I love Jack's story. I think Sydney has/will have a story too! 

[Donna K & Quincy]

I had brief second thoughts or a mild panic for a couple of days when we first got Quincy but that was it sank in what a huge commitment I had made. Like I said it was very brief and now I wouldn't give him up for anything. He does shed a little and I used to love fleece but it is the worst thing for picking up dog hair.  I don't know what issues you are having but if you ask you may find some answers here. Don't be afraid to ask for help, you are not alone I'm sure.

Don't be discouraged, it's often the last key in the bunch that opens the lock.

[Camilla and Darwin]

There are a lot of good responses here, so I will just address this comment

"All of you on DK cannot probably relate to our feelings since we see how your expectations have been met."

 

There are many people here who face similar similar situations. Not only with their dog turning out differently appearance wise than they wanted. But in addition, health, behavior and size related as well. I don't think it's a matter of every member having every expectation met. I think it's that the members here love their dogs for who they are, faults and all. They don't dwell on what their doodles could have been, because they are too busy loving who their doodles are. I am almost positive that NOBODY on DK had every single expectation of what a doodle should be met with their dogs. There is no way to guarantee that your dog will turn out curly, wavy, shedding, non-shedding, friendly, etc. We all had surprises and that is because no dog is the same. It's not just a doodle thing, it's part of dog ownership, you have to love them for who they are.

 

Think of the people you know, I am positive that every one of them has a quirk/annoying trait. Nobody is perfect, and that goes for dogs as well. Sydney obviously doesn't live up to your expectations of what you want in a doodle. I urge you to set those expectations aside, throw them out the window! Don't dwell on what she doesn't have, think about what she does have. 

[BG and Gavin]

I just want to commend you on being incredibly brave and forthright putting this out there for discussion.  No, I can't relate because (not withstanding the hardwork I have put in with him) most would rightly believe that I have an "easy" dog.  I would therefore never pass judgement on your feelings or pretend to know where you are coming from.  The first thing that came to mind for me though has already been eloquently stated by Karen.  My thought is ok, what do you have, where do you need to be and what is the plan to get there.  Change what you can, accept what you can and stay focused on a realistic goal.  We will support you as you do this. so please continue to be honest. 

[shelly]

Second thoughts?  Try THIRD, FOURTH and FIFTH thoughts too....  I doubted if we 'chose' the right color... sex.... breeder.... then once we got her home, after the first few days, she became comfortable and became snippy, tugged on clothing ran after our feet... then things got 'better' then she had other issues... she would steal socks, baseball hats, you name it and chew and SWALLOW the pieces.  she grabbed and purposely swallowed my hair scrunchy... FIRST trip to the ER vet...ate a piece of my son's baseball cap, boy scout scarf....Bit my hand she drew blood.  I don't know how I didn't open the door and let her run that night.  She also ate left over pork fat scraps... got really sick w/ pancreatitis spent overnight in the ER and then the vet the next day... it was then when I realized how much I truly loved her.

  those are just a few times that I said "I (we) are not cut out for a dog anymore... we stepped up our training (of ourselves as well), and now (except for her 'issues' with visitors) she is truly wonderful.  do I wish she would be better with visitors? I think many times that it would be so much easier when my son has friends over if Tori wasn't here (or acted better).  I feel VERY guilty about that but it's MY fault for lacking in training....  Do I think I could have done better training? ABSOLUTELY!  but she's ours and we love her dearly.  she's one of the family.  Wipe your tears, get very serious with the training, and you will see improvement, and feel better toward SYDNEY!  Good luck, and remember you have so much help, and consolation right here at your finger tips!

[Molly Doodle Went to Town]

As a writing professor of mine once said, "If you're looking for easy, try another booth!"  I admire your honesty and candor, and I think it's important that DK provides a forum where we can all vent and get advice. Five years ago, when my wife and I decided to adopt a golden retriever, we weren't signing up for a puppy. We were trying to buy a beautiful, calm Disney dog who came pre-trained and wore a red bandana.  I imagined her plopping at our feet and tagging along for rides to get coffee.  Alas, the puppy we came home with almost drove us insane. She ate our kitchen floor, put holes in our walls, dug up our yard, would muddy our bed and chew the blankets, and would shred any bandana we tried to put on her!  Our older daughter was only 18 months old at the time, so we had our hands full. I cursed our stupid, ill-planned decision every day.  People told us she'd get better at 6 months, after getting spayed, after a year, and so on. Two years went by and she was still driving us insane. I wished I could find the right home for her almost daily. I would take her on a three-mile run, and it would barely tire her. 

 

But all of a sudden one day the misfit that I wished so badly would lift out of our lives fit into our lives seamlessly. I don't know when that happened, but one day I opened my eyes and thought, "Hey, she's not annoying anymore." She had changed, but we had also learned to love her.  She would sleep on our bed, play with our children in the snow, plop down by our feet, and wear a bandana without shredding it.  In February of this year, we had to put her to sleep at just five years old because she had bone cancer and could no longer walk. I can't tell you how much I miss her--more than any person I've lost. And all I keep thinking these last two months is how glad I am that we didn't get rid of her. She took us by surprise and ended up being exactly what we wanted.  Was she perfect? No. But we weren't the perfect owners. And over the years, she changed and we changed.

 

You'll figure this out. Sometimes, as Rilke says, you just have to "live the question."

[Wendy and Eddie]

I love your "Hey, she's not annoying anymore" comment! I remember when one of my dogs was two, and the other just one, and at a totally annoying stage, I really thought I would go insane with two dogs. Then. . . after awhile, I did wake up and think that very thought!

I am not good at keeping up on brushing them, so I keep them clipped quite short and so I think envious thoughts when I see the beautiful pictures here on DK.

I guess I'm thinking that now that I've had these guys, I know what expectations I should have had at the beginning, but I know what I'd like to do differently with future dogs, but I focus on the benefits of having dogs and try not to bemoan the medical expenses (bad "poodle" teeth!) too much.

[Nancy, Ned, Clancy, and Charlie]

Gail and Kathleen, you are brave to admit your second thoughts about Sydney. I currently have three dogs - two are doodles.  Here is how I feel:

I am absolutely in love with Ned, but was totally unprepared for his high maintenance coat and once I realized it, though I never thought of getting rid of him, I had regrets. Luckily my DH and I have adapted and Ned-grooming takes the place of the activities we used to watch our kids do. He is more aloof like a cat; he is very smart and while he learns easily, he does so on HIS terms.

Clancy was a rescue and we thought/hoped he wouldn't shed.  He does!  I regret that but, oh well, at least he doesn't mat. We really did not want a heavier dog since we have been through lifting older big dogs into and out of our RV when we are camping.  Clancy weighs 65 pounds. I regret that.

Now to Gordie.  Our dear sweet Springer.  Gordie is our second Springer Spaniel and our LAST.  I love him to pieces and he is soooo sweet, but unlike our other Springer, Gordie has never settled down and is as hyper as a puppy and filled with anxiety.  It has become so bad that we can leave him at home with the doodles, but not by himself.  We can't leave him in our RV even with the doodles.  He is nervous and howls.  It is heartbreaking and we are considering medication.  Do I regret this?  You betcha! Gordie is seven; my DH and I are retiring and want to travel. What will we do about Gordie?  We just do not know.  Somehow we will figure it out, but Gordie is just the odd man out in the family and I do not know how to make him happier, more confident, not anxious...... He is seven and will probably live another 8 years.  Oh yes, I forgot to mention that he tore his CCL and had $4,000 worth of surgery and the odds of tearing another are really, really high.  I also forgot to mention that he has recurring ear infections, fatty tumors......

So while it seems the grass is greener on the other side of the fence, it may not really be.   I am really sorry that Sydney is not what you thought you were getting. I hope that, like with our Gordie, there are enough redeeming factors to outweigh the disappointments.