Fudge and Vern - The Human Whisperers!!

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

 

Fudge and Vern have long felt DoodleKisses is a little one sided in the training department.  There is no group for dogs on here for tips and techniques how to best train your humans. Sometimes, they feel like a cute nose and funny antics are not getting the job done and they would like to ask some of the other dogs what are some of their best strategies for getting your human to behave the way you want them to behave.   They would like to share some of their tips, as they feel they are qualified to be called, “The Human Whisperers.”

 

Fudge & Vern Speak: 

 

Tip #1 – Playing Fetch

 

We have figured out that if we take our tennis ball and push it under the gate, our human has to run the whole length of our driveway (which is downhill) and sometimes, out into the street to get that ball back.  It never fails to work and she always brings the ball back to one of us.  We figure it is up to us to decide when the game is over, just like they taught us in human training class, so we always do it again.  We have noticed that after a couple of runs up and down our driveway, she gets tired, and our human stops asking to play ball.  After all, no one wants a human who is obsessive about tennis balls. 

 

 

Tip #2 - Velcro Humans

 

This is a tough one, because nobody wants to end up with a human that you can’t leave alone or has to be with you every minute of the day.  Our humans have outgrown their crates, so what we try and do is wander off throughout the day and find a hiding spot for some me time.  Humans have to learn to entertain themselves.  Sometimes, Vern and I try to give them something to do to keep them occupied  while we are busy doing our own things.  Vern, especially, is great at hiding pieces of his kibble all throughout the house, or leaving parts of a stuffed toy around, or dropping interesting things like dirt, sticks, twigs, bones, and leaves everywhere in the house, so our human mom can find them and pick them up and put it all back where it belongs.  It seems like this interactive game only works with female humans, though, because our male human never notices any of the goodies lying about or picks any of them up.  Anyway, it is a great game for our human mom, and seems to keep her busy for quite some time and eliminates human boredom. We call the game Treasure Hunt.   We also try and leave the TV on for her when we leave, as that seems to make her feel like she has some company.

 

Tip #3 – Walking on a Leash

 

Vern has to get full credit for continuing to help our humans with this command.  First of all, our humans walk slower than we do and it seems like the human who is walking Vern is always pulling on the leash.  They pull and pop and then Vern has to issue them a correction.  Usually the correction is a pop on the leash in the form of a spurt of energy.  Sometimes, if we see a squirrel we both pop that leash to try and get our humans to move faster.  It isn’t that we don’t like walking by our mom in a heel, but we already know what she smells like and we like to smell other stuff. Our favorite walk is when she lets us smell everything.  Our mom is also inconsistent. She doesn’t like us to pull, but the other day when we had to walk up a big hill, she told us to start pulling if we wanted to reach the top of the hill before bedtime.

 

Tip #4 – How to Get Your Human to Go For A Walk

 

We have our humans on a very good schedule.  We don’t like to deviate because we feel it is better to be consistent.  Usually, we go on one morning walk and a late afternoon walk.  In the morning, when we feel we are running late for our walk, we like to remind our human mom by shadowing her, blocking her path, and seeing what she is doing at all times. We try and remind her frequently until she finally says, “oh, you are waiting for your walk, right?” and then we look at each other and go, “duh.”  Our human dad is a little trickier because he is not as observant as mom. Sometimes, when mom leaves us alone with him at night, she will come home and ask him if we got our walk.  Mostly, this happens when we start wrestling and running around in the house. 

Dad always says the same thing, “no walk, but I played with them outside.”  Mom, is smart, though, and knows that when he says playing, mostly it means he sat outside with us and played with his phone while Vern and I tried to eat sticks.  So, mom will say, “I have told you a million times that Fudge and Vern need walked every night or we are going to be watching our own live version of the WWE half the night.”  Dad always looks right at us and says under his breath, “I’ll show you two a long walk off a short pier, for getting me in trouble again,” but usually, he doesn’t forget our walk again for a couple of weeks.

 

Tip #5 – How to Get Your Humans to Stop Talking About Better Training

 

We walk all the time with our neighbor and we love her.  The other day, she started telling our mom about her daughter’s dog, Panda.  She said she could not get over how good Panda was last time she came to her house.  We went on high alert and looked over at each other and mouthed, “Uh oh.”  She said Panda sits in place until she is released and even walks off leash all the time.  Personally, we thought Panda sounded like a big bonehead and a brown noser, but our mom said, “What is the name of the trainer your daughter used?”  Before our neighbor could answer, we started kissing her all over and she said, “I love you guys so much!” and we kept up the kissing until she forget about the question.  That was a close one.

 

Tip #6 – How to Get on Furniture

 

We have had lots of people tell us that our humans never let any other dog on the furniture.  Our grandma says it every time she shows up and sits in Vern’s chair.  Our human parents got a new leather couch this year and I heard mom tell dad that no dogs are allowed on it EVER.  Well, we were fine with that, but we noticed if we sat really close to our human mom and put our paw in her lap, it wasn’t long until she started putting a blanket on the couch and inviting us up to snuggle. We are good snugglers and pretty soon, our human dad said, “hey, I thought you said no dogs were allowed on the couch because they could ruin the leather?” and my mom said, “well if they do, then I guess we get another couch.”  After that, we heard our dad talking about something called retirement and how he hoped someday to go there or something.

 

Tip #7 – Getting Treats

 

For this assignment, you have to pinpoint which of your humans is the WL (Weakest Link).  In our case, it is our human mom.  We call this tip, “Our Divide Them and Conquer Them,” tip. Every night, when she goes to the bedroom to watch TV or get on the computer, we usually go with her and go to bed, too, for a while.  Vern always gets hungry around 10 pm and then here is how we do our training to get some treats. I call Vern “The Enforcer”, because night after night he gets the job done.  Vern either stands up in bed or if he is not on the bed, comes around to my mom’s side of the bed and stares. It looks like this.  My mom hates when Vern does this and will say, “Go tell Daddy what you want.” Vern sometimes goes, but mostly he does this:

Then mom says, “Vern, you are not getting a treat!” and Vern does this: 

Mom gets louder sometimes and says again, “Vern, please stop staring! It is bedtime. No treats.”  Vern continues to do this: 

and sometimes it looks like this:

Finally, our human mom starts yelling, “can someone close to the treat jar get Vern a treat, before Vern drives me insane?” and then our dad gets up from the living room chair and says, “Vern, you are a pain in my behind,” but by then, Vern is sitting politely in front of the treat jar. Sometimes, mom gets up and gets the treat herself and then says to our dad, “didn’t you hear me yelling?” and our dad always says back, “I heard some loud and obnoxious sound, but I thought it was the neighbor running his wood splitter.”  After he says something like that, our Mom usually makes a face:

The good thing is, I run right behind Vern and get a treat, too, without anyone being mad at me.

 

Ok, those are some of our best tips. We are working on a few more tricks….How to avoid the groomer's and how to get our people to give us human food.  We also are trying to figure out a way to keep her off DK, because those people know too much stuff that thwarts our best efforts at human training. Even dad says, “When I blew out my candles on my last birthday, someone got my wish screwed up. I wished for a Stepford wife, not a Doodleford wife.” 

So, tell us your tips to get your humans to do what you want them to do.

 

[Camilla and Darwin]

Wow, you guys really have it figured out. I can see now that I have a lot of work to do. Can't wait for the next installment... - Darwin

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Darwin, Call us! Love, Fudge and Vern

[Jane, Guinness and Murphy]

Getting Your Human To Let You Off "Heel"...

G & I have developed this foolproof method for getting your human to let you stop that ridiculous heeling and go off to the side to "sniff away".  As soon as you smell something on the side of the path or road that is really interesting, just stop dead in your tracks and look like you're going to poop.  This is especially effective when there are lots of people around on the walking path.  Watch how fast your humans forget all about heeling and pull you over to the side...it often results in at least five minutes of great sniffing time.  You will probably have to actually do the poop right there on the path one or two times to show you mean business.  My DD hates having to scoop in up in his little green bag with other people pointing and laughing.  My DM always says "just kick it off to the side", but DD is kind of a "goody goody" so he is opposed to that.  Guinness does the same thing with peeing.  He'll just pee and continue heeling...when DM notices she rushes him off to the side and "sniff, sniff, sniff".  She says if he pees and walks at the same time he gets it all over himself...and she doesn't want to have to do the "bath thing".

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Fudge and Vern like this tip a lot!!! Vern is a pee as you go guy, too. LOL

[Jane, Guinness and Murphy]

Oh I forgot to say how proud I am of you F & V...you have done a fantastic job of training your humans.  There should be some sort of recognition or designation for that.  Hmmm, maybe we can think of something kind of like that CGC thing that our humans try to get us to do.  Murph

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Murphy, You are one smart dood :)

[Amy, Cubbie & Ollie]

i am cracking up.  When we first got Ollie he was a stealth pooper and would just randomly poop while in the middle of a walk.  We used more poop bags in his 1st month than we did the whole 2 years prior with Cubbie.  Luckily, he has forgotten about this "human training" method and goes before we leave the house.

[Nancy, Ned, Clancy, and Charlie]

These are great ideas to share, Murph.  I hate to poo while on leash so my mom will walk me around for a long, long time and I can sniff to my heart's content.  Clancy needs this reminder.  He is far too easy-going and accommodating.

[Amy, Cubbie & Ollie]

Fudge and Vern, we have a tip on how to get your humans to play fetch with you (you know for when you really just don't want to lay around and be lazy with them).  The key is to walk around the house and gather every single toy that you own (stuffies, bones, etc) and put them in a pile on top of the human laying on the couch.  Eventually you will bring them a toy that they are interested in and they will want to play with you.  Sometimes they will even make a funny sound...sounds something like "grrr ugh" and then they just start throwing all the toys for you.  It is kind of like hitting the jackpot on a slot machine!!

  --- Cubbie and Ollie

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

LOL....Cubbie and Ollie, This is another great idea!! We have a lot of toys in our toy box, so this is gonna be so easy. Love, Fudge and Vern

[Pat and Traveler]

Cubbie and Ollie--I know this trick!  I stack all my toys around my mom's feet when she's on DK, and eventually when she notices the pile she feels sorry for me and starts throwing them.  Great dogs think alike!

High paws,

Traveler

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

LOL