How do you say "I'm Sorry Your House Burned Down"? :(

[Sherri, Sophie, Winston, & Kitty]

A very good long time friend's house burned to the ground this afternoon. Her and her hubby are fine but they got out with the clothes on their back and lost everything they own. They are staying at her parents' house.

I can't even imagine what this is like. I have no idea what to say or how to comfort someone who has just lost everything, her memories, her clothing and jewlery, all the time, labour and money they put into upgrading their home, all their precious artifacts and everyday essentials, photos, everything. I will be heading home this week-end (neice's birthday party) so I will be able to see her. I'd like to put together a care package for them and am looking for suggestions on what to include other than wine and chocolate, of which there will be plenty. Has anyone had any experience with this kind of a thing? How do you support someone in this situation?

[Leslie and Halas]

I haven't had any experience with this, so I'm not sure what to say.  Do you happen to have any pictures with her and her family in them?  If they lost all of their photos, maybe she would appreciate something like that.  Or a gift card to Lowe's, Home Depot, Bed Bath and Beyond might be helpful a little ways down the road when they start to rebuild.

[Camilla and Darwin]

Maybe a Walmart or Target gift card, for groceries or toiletries. Maybe I agree with the photo suggestion, that would be nice.

[Allyson, Peri & Taquito]

Very odd...I am collecting money from coworkers right now for this very same reason. One of employees lost their home on Tuesday - we had a series of bad storms/high winds come through and an electric line fell on their house and burned it down. 

We are pooling money and giving a Target giftcard. 

I love the idea about the photos.

And reminder to all:  get those photos on your computer backed up! On snapfish, zip drive, disc, etc....  I know the old photos we can't do much about, but new photos - get them off your computer/phone and in a "cloud" somewhere :)

[F, Calla & Luca]

Good idea!!! Will do tonight.

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

I am so sorry for your friend. What a nightmare. I think gift cards would be the best thing. The photo idea is also a great idea. Again, I am so sorry!

[F, Calla & Luca]

I am glad to say I have not experienced this. But I think the best thing you can do is do let them know you care. Maybe someone who lives nearby can do some kind of fundraiser for them. Also, if you have old pictures including them or others of importance to them you could always get some copies together.

[Pam & Trixie]

How terrible. Im sorry this happened to your friend. The Pictures if you have any sound wonderful...Along with the gift card ideas & or a fundraiser.
I can imagine loosing everything : (

[Sue & Lily Grace]

This is a very sad thing and I think everyone is right, dig for and collect from those that were in her past for all the photos that you can get together.

[Karen, Jasper and Jackdoodle]

I'm very sorry to hear this happened to your friend.

There really is no kind of "gift" you can purchase that is going to comfort them, in my experience. I had a fire in my house once, and even though I didn't come close to losing everything, it's an awful and very overwhelming experience. Even the stuff that survives the fire, like say dishes, is covered in oily black soot and has to be thoroughly hand cleaned, item by item.  If they have homeowner's insurance, which I'm sure they do, things like household furnishings and goods, linens, clothing, etc. will all be replaced. Even things like jewelry will be replaced, although obviously, you can't really replace one-of-a-kind pieces or family herilooms, or things with sentimental value. Ditto photos and momentos. Their immediate needs are going to be warm clothing, boots, etc but you can't buy that for them. Toiletries isn't a bad idea, and they will need those.

Personally, what would have helped and comforted me would have been for my friends to just tell me how sorry they were, they were thinking about me, and to ask if there was anything they could do to help. The hardest part for me after the inital shock wore off was doing the inventories. You have to give the insurance company detailed lists of everything you owned, and I mean everything. How many pairs of socks and what kind? How many towels, and what size?  Imagine having to inventory every single thing in your house, right down to the medicine cabinets and the junk drawers, and you can see how overwhelming that would be, especially if you had to do it from memory.  If there is anything left to be sorted through, that's going to be a big job.

Anyway, if I were going to put together a care package for someone in this situation, I think I would just do the chocolates and wine, maybe a gift card for toiletries, a note expressing my sympathies and offering to help out in whatever way I could, and a big cuddly fleece throw, because that would be the closest thing to a hug you could buy, and a hug is really what they need most right now.

 

[Lucy & AnnaBelle's Mom]

I've always been curious about how this works with the insurance companies.  I mean how many people truly have handy (somewhere other than in their house) a list of all their belongings.  How do you show the insurance company what you had.  Do they just take your words for it that you had 124 pair of shoes etc?

[Christine & Shelby]

This happened to a good friend of mine about two years ago and several friends and former colleagues provided cash to one person designated as the collecter and she purchased an assortment of gift cards to the family - based on their needs.   They have two children and a dog - nobody was home and the emergency responders were able to get the dog out safely.

 

Gift cards were practicle:  Target, Lowes, Home Depot, etc.

Pampering:  Massage, Mani/Pedi, Movies and dining out

For the Kids:  Toys R Us, etc.

For the dog:  PetSmart

There was also a lot of cooking, food delivery and visits by those who were local. 

Contributing any photos you have of them would be such a blessing and so appreciated.  One other thing they likely aren't thinking about if they ever did photo cards from QVS, Target, Etc. their images are likely still on the Server.  I found Shelby's photos from the last two years of me doing my photo cards when I logged in to my account today.

 

 

[Laurie, Wally & Charlotte]

Unfortunately, this is something about which I have first-hand experience.  My suggestion is to give your friend a big hug and tell him or her how sorry you are, and that you can't and don't want to imagine what they must be going through.

Our needs immediately after our house burned down seven years ago, included acquiring clothing and personal-care items.  Friends who worked at Reebok brought clothing and shoes.  Another friend, brought makeup and toiletries.  Others brought food.  Some took me shopping.  Many wrote notes and letters.

We also needed to create an inventory of everything we owned.  If you have any photos that show various views of the inside of their home, that would be helpful in triggering their memories about what was in each room.  Gift cards aren't really that important, because their insurance company will cut them a check right away, so that they can begin to replace some of what they lost.  And, they will be reimbursed later for the rest.

We lived with friends for a month, and then rented a home while we built a new house.  Once in the rental, friends brought meals to us, as there was no time or desire to cook.  One friend organized an email chain with updates on how we were doing and what we needed.  

If your friend would like someone to talk to who has experienced the total loss from a fire, you are welcome to give them my phone number.  PM me and I'll happily share it with you.