My mom hit my dog!!!

[Discussing Labradoodles & Goldendoodles]

As some of you may know, I have been having issues with Grayson's behavior.  I have been trying to research and get opinions from everywhere--including my mom.  Well, let me just say, my mom was/is strict...and she thinks we should all be as strict as her--with our kids, our husbands, and animals.

So, I ask her what I should do...and her reply is "beat him".  (Now she also calls spanking "beating".)  I said I really wasn't okay with that.  I did try a little tap on the nose to stop him biting and all it did was give him a moving target--meaning more fun for him.  She said he has to be afraid of me...which I disagree.  I think there is a difference in fear and respect AND I think there is a difference in fear of me and fear of the consequences.

Anyways, I move on from her "help" come on here and get some good advice.  So the next day, she comes over and he immediately jumps on her when she comes in--I met her at the door to tell her to turn her back to him when he jumps and only pet him once he is settled or sits for her.  After about 6 times of me telling her to turn her back to him, he jumps on her--she says "this is ridiculous" and grabs his collar and starts smacking him in the head and neck!

I yelled "stop it!" and she let him go.  I told her all she did was scare him---he learned nothing.  She never gave him a command so now he will just be scared of her.  Well, at this point my stepdad is telling my hubby a story and raises his fist and swings it--not at Grayson but he happened to be near---AND HE COWERED.  Then my mom went to pet him and he crouched away and ran from her hand!!!  I told her he was scared of her now, and she replied "Good, he has to be afraid of someone".  I was in shock and mad, but trying to contain my temper.  My mom is here maybe ten minutes every two weeks--how does his fear of her help me train him?!?  I said thanks for the help, but no thanks, I prefer a dog that jumps to a dog that cowers!

Anyways, I really just wanted to vent about it.  I am mad, but I have calmed some.  We are doing our own things to change the behavior we don't like--none of it involves "beating" him.  And we decided--since she does spend so little time here--we will keep him crated or tethered to us when she is over.  My stepdad feels bad, he is here more than her and he said whatever we decide to do in regards to training he'll comply with. 

[Anna and Achilles]

That must have been horrible! I would have been mad too. I also have a jumper, and if anyone hit him I think I would hit them back.

[Kaytlin and Cooper]

Oh Im so sorry this happened. Grayson is still young so hopefully he will get past the beating and not cower.

 

I have to confess, when Cooper was little I (usually very patient) lost it with Cooper and smacked her. Not hard, and it was on her back side, but I felt soooooo bad for ages. Like you say, it doesnt teach them anything. Thankfully Cooper was no worse off for it

 

Im glad your step dad is on board with your training methods - everyone needs to be on the same page or Grayson will get confused as to what is expected of him

 

Cooper too was a jumper - we taught her pretty quick not to jump on us, but it took a lot longer for her to learn not to jump on visitors

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

I think the crating him and tethering him to you when your mom is around is the answer. Also, a trainer will help with teaching you the correct way to train Grayson. Good luck!

[Karen, Jasper and Jackdoodle]

I'm so sorry this happened, and I really don't know what to say. You're not going to change your mom's mind, and she clearly doesn't know much about dogs. This would make me crazy. I had a cleaning person once who swatted my dog with a rolled up magazine, and that was the last time she entered my home. However, this is your mother, and unless you want to forbid her to ever come into your home again, you're going to have to come up with another solution. I definitely would not let her get near Grayson again, and i would not take her advice on anything having to do with him.

Dogs who are hit often become hand shy...especially if they're hit directly in the face or head by human hands and they see it coming. The next step after the fear (cowering) can be defensive behaviors when a human hand comes at them, i.e. "fear-biting". This can extend to groomers, vets, children, etc. That's dangerous.

I don't know if you've been following a specific training program, or using a trainer, but I would strongly recommend one at this point.

 

[Kaytlin and Cooper]

Im confident you will get there! It sounds to me that Grayson is like most other puppies. of course, having young children around changes things a little, but if your home alot then I think you can solve the issues Grayson is having without a trainer. Afterall you have DK members to help you! 2 great books I found helped me train Cooper were Puppies for dummies and At the other end of the leash.

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

I think you are on the right track and the training group will be a big help. Maybe they can suggest a plan of attack, so to speak, to guide you.

[Anne & Mr. Haley]

I have read that beating can lead to aggression.  You are lucky that Grayson cowered (which I don't like either) rather than biting.  Next time someone hits him he could become aggressive, defending himelf.  No matter how much Haley jumped on me when he was youngerI never, never layed an hand on him. 

[Adrianne Matzkin]

I do not know these trainers - I just googled.You would have to check them out first.

This training facility hold it's classes in Knox, about 45 minutes. Their classes are very inexpensive!! I paid our local shelter $250!!

Beginners Class
(over 6 mos. old at beginning of course)

8 week course - $60.00

 

I know it isn't around the corner but it might be worth the trip to learn how do deal with his jumping.

http://www.ccoc4dogs.org

Good luck!!

[Adina P]

That looks like a good one, Adrianne!  Since they teach some serious advanced competition obedience, they are probably good at getting results.

[Jane, Guinness and Murphy]

I can only imagine how upsetting this must have been.  I sure hope the kids did not see your Mom hit the dog....that's a behavior you would never want them to copy.  I think you're absolutely right about keeping your mother away from Grayson.  It would be devastating for everyone if your Mom's actions turned a "naughty but typical" Doodle puppy into a fearful dog.  I know you're working with us in the training group, and I'm confident with a little work things will get much better.

[Jane, Rooney & Stuart]

I'd be telling her, my house = my rules.  I wouldn't let anyone hit my dog and it would make me question her ability to babysit for my children - I wouldn't want her spanking my children without my permission or to have them see her "beat" the dog. 

[Joanne ~ Spud*]

DOG TRAINING:

Not only does dog training help the dog, it helps you deal other people and with situations just like this.  You will know just what to do!  Your mother is from the old school of thought~one that was found to be ineffective in training dogs. Non the less, we can not retrain her, so my goal is to help  you.

I see you live in a VERY tiny town, but in your county alone (Jefferson County, PA), I found a list of trainers in your area.  One  Dog Obedience on another search looked like something I wish were closer to me.

You may have to drive 30-50 mins.  I sympathize because I had to also. 

We are all here to  help.  Also, join the training group on DK and please if you have time check out the link I found for trainers in your area.  Being in a similar situation ( a dog/people relationship issues) it was not the Sit/Down/Stay so much as how to deal with  People~ Dog situations. Nope, we don't have it perfect but I am ( and the dog is learning)  better at handling difficult situations with humans.