The Vacation From "HELL" - Trainer's Input

[Jane, Guinness and Murphy]

Well today was training day, and my primary objective was to gain our trainer's perspective on all the problems we had with Murphy on vacation.  Well we got an "earful".  I can't even believe how poorly we handled this whole situation, although our trainer actually took most of the blame himself because he felt he should have better prepared us.  Here are the highlights of our discussion...

• We completely "blew" Murphy's introduction to the beach house.  While DH and I were frantically trying to unpack two very full cars, we allowed Murph full access to the entire house...and he ran crazy smelling and going room to room.  He was at that point "claiming" this territory.  We should have left everything in the car...taken him for a little walk, brought him back to the house, let him enter one room on a leash (when he was calm).  He then should have been gated in that one room or crated while we unpacked.  Then as he was calm (and when our unpacking was finished) we should have leash walked him room by room through the house.  Then back in the crate or gated again in the original room for a while.  During this acclimation period nobody else should have been interacting with him.
• My trainer agrees that he was feeling nervous and insecure about this change in his environment, and he was looking for us to manage the experience for him.  In the absence of that leadership, his nervousness increased and he fell into a dominant mindset (which comes easy to Murph).  So, then my brother arrives and just walks into the house (which Murph is now viewing as HIS territory) with his submissive Lab.  Murph took this opportunity to show this dog that he was the "alpha" and that is what brought on the horrible demonstration of dominance.  We should have met my brother outside, walked the dogs together, brought them back to the door, made them wait until they were calm, walked into the house together, and then unleashed them.  Murph should have had a training collar on (no leash) so that at the first signs of dominance he could be corrected.  We ended on a terrible note.  Remember my brother was afraid for his dog, so we grabbed Murph and he left with his very frightened Lab.  To Murph this signified "winning"....he dominated and the dog left....just what he wanted. 
• There was way to much affection being doled out to Murphy because I was worried that he was feeling insecure.  By doing this I was actually feeding that insecurity.  Attention given while the dog is in that much of an unbalanced state sends a message that we think it's just fine that he's feeling that way.  We should have kept him in down/stays A LOT, and only provided affection when he was laying calmly...when he was laying on his side in a totally submissive and relaxed state that's when he should have been rewarded and treated.
• If I can't provide the time that Murphy needs to train through these types of episodes, he should not be there.  This experience has set him back....that's been clear this week.  We'll get through this, but we're back to basics....lots of structure and minimal affection...work, work, work.
• The incident with Murph snapping at our grandson is more complicated.  We now have a plan to help Murph with this.  He is okay with the older kids because they are predictable.  The toddlers are not...their movements are erratic and he can't count on what they'll do or how they'll touch him.  Ben is convinced he would not have bitten.  He was sending a clear warning that the baby was a distraction he couldn't handle.  Our next step is to work with this and there's a whole process that we'll be using.  He may never love interacting with kids the way Guinness does, but Ben feels confident that he can be trained to be safe and reliable around them.
• Murph is very much a situational learner with a strong need for a life that is predictable.  There was nothing predictable during this vacation....he had no idea what our expectations were in this new environment, and we didn't do a very good job of showing him.  So, he just took things into his own hands and made his own rules. 
• My own stress level didn't help at all.  He tuned right into that....he needed me to be calm and in control.  I clearly wasn't.  Plus there were 10 new family members (pack) introduced all at once...he had no idea what to make of that or what anybody's position was.  Who's the boss????

This all makes perfect sense to me.  I sat there and listened to our trainer very calmly talk about how he perceived Murph's behaviors and why they were occurring, and I was in awe.  Why couldn't I have figured this out?  At least now I know, and we'll move on, and there will never be another episode like this.

[Traci -Bexter & Maggie]

Jane,

Thanks for sharing!  I guess Ben is now our unofficial DK trainer!  Anyway...this will be helpful to all of us at one time or another in the future.  It is nice that you have a trainer like Ben who you trust, who knows your dog very well, and can provide objective insight.  You have lots of doggy knowledge yourself, but sometimes when you are too emotional yourself (which obviously you had a lot going on at the vacation dealing with family members, hurt feelings, etc.) it can make it more difficult to be objective & think things through.  I have full confidence you will work this all out & Murphy will be better in the long run!  Happy training!

[Donna K & Quincy]

Jane thanks for sharing this it could be really helpful to us if we find ourselves in similar situations. Too bad your trainer didn't share this before your vacation.

[Karen, Jasper and Jackdoodle]

Jane, I hope you can now let go of any guilt or self doubt and focus on the fact that what Ben had to say is really good news- the fact that Ben feels confident that Murphy can be trained to be safe and reliable around children, the fact that you now understand much of what happened and why, and the fact that you now know what to do about it.

[Jane, Guinness and Murphy]

Yes, I'm letting the guilt go now...well almost.

[Jennifer and Jack]

Lots of love, we all do the best we can and hind site is really 20/20.. You live and learn and move on,

You are great parents...

[BG and Gavin]

Ben for president!  Really, this man is brilliant.  Too bad a plan could not have been put together before the vacation, but it's always easier looking back.  I am sure it never crossed your mind that Murph would come totally ungllued while on vacation.  But, just think how smart you are getting!

[F, Calla & Luca]

You just gave me an idea. I'm not planning on going on the cruise but maybe the cruise folks should chip in for Ben and have him give guest lectures : )

[Leslie and Halas]

I'm sorry you had such a tough time. But thanks for sharing Ben's advice. A lot of us can learn from this.

[Deanna & Desi & Cori]

Wow - it sounds like you have a very skilled and knowledgeable trainer.  What he said makes perfect sense and I really appreciate the fact that you took the time to share his assessment of the situation with us all.  We may never be at an unfamiliar house filled with unfamiliar people, but if we do find ourselves in that kind of situation, hopefully we'll remember your trainer's advice.

[Ann ~Oliver & Rosie]

I should have known Ben would have the answers,we know it's all about keeping the dogs in a calm state of mind, he explains it so well and makes it seem so simple.

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Jane, Thank you for this post. Your trainer sounds wonderful and everything made sense. Hindsight is always 20/20, right? You did the best you could. Don't beat yourself up. You will get this all straightened out and Murphy is lucky to have you. Good luck!!

[Ginny Nightingale]

Yup--that sounds like exactly what my trainer would have said--but I never even thought of half of it--we can't be too hard on ourselves though--we have not been doing this day in and day out like a trainer has--they are the professionals. It would be good though to make a list of what he said into small "sound bites" and put them on post-it notes, so that when the situations arise, you can refer quickly to the steps you need to take. Good luck and I am sure that Murph will improve!!