True Confessions of a Rescue Mom

[Jane, Rooney & Stuart]

Stuart - our goldendoodle puppy that was a rescue is such a cutie pie!  What is not to love right?  Well, I'm going to tell the whole truth in an effort the give hope to others that might experience the same bonding issue as I have had although I have never seen anyone else admit to this problem - am I the only one then? 

Rooney (our 11 month ALD) in my dreams was a cream puppy with a black nose - what I ended up with is a stunning parti colored, brown nosed doodle that is the love of my life.  He came to us pretty much potty, crate and leash trained.  He isn't perfect but in my eyes is about as close as you can get.  But I felt something was missing - I could tell he was bored and lonely, I felt he needed a brother or sister.  When I saw Stuart's picture on the adoption page - I just knew he was meant to be Rooney's brother and I jumped through the hoops to make it happen, driving 500+ miles one way to go get him out of the foster home - I all but begged for that dog.  The $20. adoption application fee, the $810. adoption fee was steep (who thinks rescue puppies are cheaper? - NOT) only to get there and find out that darling baby Stuart was sick with every known yucky parasite and giardia - nasty.  You have to realize that I don't do yuck very well but I did everything that I could, including catching poop on a paper plate to help Stuart get well and to protect Rooney from becoming infected.  Trip after trip to the vet with the price now well into the $1,200 range and that is without the needed neuter. 

Stuart quickly showed us how loving and smart he was - he learned his name, how to walk on the leash and did good with his potty training.  A real sweet heart - so what's the problem you ask?  I didn't feel like I loved Stuart - yes I took wonderful care of him but I had never bonded TO him.  We left to go to MI with me feeling exhausted, a little bit depressed and wondering how I could have made such a terrible mistake, one that I could see no way to fix.  I couldn't "return" Stuart like he was a pair of shoes that didn't fit.  Was this caused by his illness in the beginning and my not being able to cuddle and snuggle as much as I did with Rooney.  Is it because Stuart is bonding to Rooney and not as much to me?  There is a happy ending here - I wish I could tell you what changed but I don't really know.  Did I just need the extra time, perhaps with the potty training going well I was just getting more sleep?  In the past week something has just blossomed in my heart for my baby Stuart!!!  We swim in the pool together (something Rooney hates), we have our own snuggle time.  My worries are gone and I LOVE this little guy every bit as much as I do Rooney.  I just wanted to share that sometimes love doesn't come in an instant like we would expect and that not to give up because it can still happen!  There was a feeling of shame - like I had failed & was a bad doodle mom.  If anyone else out there ever goes through this - I just want you to know that you are not alone. 

[Adrianne Matzkin]

Jane - I had those same issues when I first found out I was pregnant with my 2nd daughter. OMD - is that fair to #1? did we have enough time together before #2? I had months to work that out with myself.

When I brought home Charli, Mickey (foster turned GrandDoodle) was still living with us. He went home 2 weeks later. I had time to spend with each one separately since there was always 2 that could be together so I didn't feel guilty (much).

I am thrilled that you posted this. Not every storybook ending starts out perfect. You stuck with it and yours is a storybook!

 

PS- for those whose eyes bugged at the adoption fee Jane paid (as mine did), Doodle Rescue Collective's & IDOGs adoption is less than 1/2 that. The adoption fee goes towards vetting of the doodles in the program. Most come into the DRC program with no vetting records and need to be spayed/neutered. No doodle ever leaves without being UTD on all vaccines and are spayed/neutered.

 

[Jane, Rooney & Stuart]

Yes Adrianne is correct - Stuart did NOT come through Doodle Rescue or the IDOG program.  The high fee we paid is not the norm.  Stuart had been given his 1st set of shots and was on meds for parasites but I believe he caught the giardia at the foster home although I cannot prove this.  Stuart is getting neutered tomorrow and I will be applying for a $100.00 credit back to help with that expense.  Adoption is NOT about the money - if you think you cannot "afford" a dog from a breeder - adoption is not always less expensive when you add it lifelong vet care.

[Jane, Guinness and Murphy]

The picture tells the whole story, Jane.  I just knew you'd fall in love with this guy.  Sometimes things just take a little time.  Your statement about worrying about failing and being a "bad Doodle Mom" got me thinking.  I think we all have a touch of that "syndrome".  I know that I spend way too much time and energy trying to give my guys the "perfect" life....I keep forgetting that they don't really need perfect, they just need us. Thanks for having the courage to share your "journey" with Stuart....I love happy endings.

[Jane, Rooney & Stuart]

Jane - I call it the PDM Syndrome (Perfect Doodle Mom) - or PDMS for short.  I read about all the wonderful things that owners & their dogs are doing on DK and after a while they all seem to blend together in my mind.  I start to feel like everyone's dog is an agility & obiendance champion, therapy dog, whose mom is making her own organic dog treats while feeding raw from her organic chickens that she has raised and killer herself, posting on her custom website with original music that she wrote!  LMAO - do I ever at times feel not worthy to be here!

[Jane, Guinness and Murphy]

This is so funny....but you're right!  I sometimes feel the same way.

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Jane, I started out my perfect life today by putting my shoes on the wrong feet. I took my perfect dogs for a walk and I spent the majority of the walk telling my perfect Vern to leave the goose poop alone. My perfect Fudge is now fixated on groundhogs and rabbits and would make a hunter the perfect dog. When we got back to our perfect house, I opened my van door and my perfect dogs bolted out of the door before I issued the command. Sometimes, this perfect life almost kills me. Please do not mention any of this to anyone, as most people on DK think my dogs are perfect :) You are so worthy..........

[Sherri, Sophie, Winston, & Kitty]

I only wish I could be so perfect Laurie. I strive for your level of perfection every day.

[Susan and Sasha]

I agree with you Sherri...

Laurie has Always been my role model here on DK!

As a matter of fact...after reading her post...I quickly changed my shoes and put them on the wrong feet and fed Sasha some dog poop!

I feel Much More Perfect Now...but am walking kind of funny!!  Lol...

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Thanks for the laugh :)

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Awww....that is so sweet...LOL!

[Sherri, Sophie, Winston, & Kitty]

Oh that's so funny. I feel the same way too. I feel so guilty about not getting Sophie into basic obedience class yet, or agility, even though she's been through two rounds of puppy socialization and I work with her at home. That post the other day about the 6 month old puppy with the good canine citzen award just killed me. I felt a little inadquate. And then I remembered, my puppy is sooooo happy just as she is, and I am happy too. That's all that matters.

[Traci -Bexter & Maggie]

Jane, I respect your honesty.  I remember actually feeling like that when I had my first born child.  I loved him and he was VERY planned for and wanted.  But...when reality hit (the first night we brought him home) I was so panicked and thought, "What have I done?"  I do think huge life adjustments (and bonding) take time, but not everybody is so honest & open about it as you were.  Interestingly, I did not feel that panicked way at all with my second child.  Maybe I was so broken in by the first it didn't matter.  People all react to things differently and at different times in their lives too.  I totally understand your feelings!  I am glad you have totally bonded with Stuart.  You all make such a cute doodle family!