True Confessions of a Rescue Mom

[Jane, Rooney & Stuart]

Stuart - our goldendoodle puppy that was a rescue is such a cutie pie!  What is not to love right?  Well, I'm going to tell the whole truth in an effort the give hope to others that might experience the same bonding issue as I have had although I have never seen anyone else admit to this problem - am I the only one then? 

Rooney (our 11 month ALD) in my dreams was a cream puppy with a black nose - what I ended up with is a stunning parti colored, brown nosed doodle that is the love of my life.  He came to us pretty much potty, crate and leash trained.  He isn't perfect but in my eyes is about as close as you can get.  But I felt something was missing - I could tell he was bored and lonely, I felt he needed a brother or sister.  When I saw Stuart's picture on the adoption page - I just knew he was meant to be Rooney's brother and I jumped through the hoops to make it happen, driving 500+ miles one way to go get him out of the foster home - I all but begged for that dog.  The $20. adoption application fee, the $810. adoption fee was steep (who thinks rescue puppies are cheaper? - NOT) only to get there and find out that darling baby Stuart was sick with every known yucky parasite and giardia - nasty.  You have to realize that I don't do yuck very well but I did everything that I could, including catching poop on a paper plate to help Stuart get well and to protect Rooney from becoming infected.  Trip after trip to the vet with the price now well into the $1,200 range and that is without the needed neuter. 

Stuart quickly showed us how loving and smart he was - he learned his name, how to walk on the leash and did good with his potty training.  A real sweet heart - so what's the problem you ask?  I didn't feel like I loved Stuart - yes I took wonderful care of him but I had never bonded TO him.  We left to go to MI with me feeling exhausted, a little bit depressed and wondering how I could have made such a terrible mistake, one that I could see no way to fix.  I couldn't "return" Stuart like he was a pair of shoes that didn't fit.  Was this caused by his illness in the beginning and my not being able to cuddle and snuggle as much as I did with Rooney.  Is it because Stuart is bonding to Rooney and not as much to me?  There is a happy ending here - I wish I could tell you what changed but I don't really know.  Did I just need the extra time, perhaps with the potty training going well I was just getting more sleep?  In the past week something has just blossomed in my heart for my baby Stuart!!!  We swim in the pool together (something Rooney hates), we have our own snuggle time.  My worries are gone and I LOVE this little guy every bit as much as I do Rooney.  I just wanted to share that sometimes love doesn't come in an instant like we would expect and that not to give up because it can still happen!  There was a feeling of shame - like I had failed & was a bad doodle mom.  If anyone else out there ever goes through this - I just want you to know that you are not alone. 

[Susan and Sasha]

Oh Jane...

Your honesty...openess and willingness to share both the happy and hard times...is what makes you such Wonderful person!

I'm so happy that you now have your "dream cream colored doodle with a black nose"...and your beautiful Rooney...to love and cuddle...and I know that they will bring such love and joy into your life!  They already have!!

You are an Amazing...Kind and Loving Doodle Mom...and I know they wouldn't want to be anywhere else but with you!!

Thank you for sharing...

[Traci -Bexter & Maggie]

I love that...PDMS!  If you...the Hopeless Doodle Addict champion...are not worthy, then I might as well give up!

[Jane, Rooney & Stuart]

Perhaps it was getting the HDA award that helped me to tell my Stuart story.  I was feeling like a fraud - as if my doodle life was being portrayed as perfect but I knew that I had this secret and I really wanted other people to know that if they ever went through this - that some of us have BEEN THERE and would be willing to offer our support and understanding. 

[Donna K & Quincy]

Maybe it's hard to bond when you're following your puppy around with a paper plate poop catcher. I'm sure you were just feeling overwhelmed and now that you've had time to relax all is right with the world. The first couple of weeks I had Quincy, I loved him but there were moment of OMG, what have I done, when the size of the commitment would hit me. Quincy has been with me for 2 years now and it seems I love him more everyday, if it is even possible to love him more than I do. Thanks for sharing and  I hope getting this off your chest makes you relax even more.

[Connie & Bocelli]

Jane you are so brave to tell this story.  Not many would admit to these feelings but I'm so happy that you shared them.  I too struggle with the thoughts of getting another playmate for Bo since he's beginning to become very bored.  I live in a townhouse and have a 20 x 20 patch of unfenced back yard so he can't run and play.  He goes to daycare twice a week but that's all I can afford.  I want a playmate for him but being alone in confined living space AND a limited budget, it's simply not in the cards for me. 

When I was married I always had multiple dogs and it was great and I felt much less guilty when they were left alone.  But I did struggle with the bonding issues too.  But like you, it didn't take long for the second one to absolutely melt my heart and BAM, I was in love!!

You are an AWESOME Doodle mom Jane, and Rooney and Stuart are just so lucky to have you.  I wish you years and years of enjoys those two little rascals!

[Carol Brand]

Nice story.  Sometimes it does take time.

 

As a side note, I have to ask what rescue organization charged you $810 for a sick and intact dog?  In my experience most rescues charge <$500 and that would include medical care and spay/neuter.  

[Donna K & Quincy]

Jane, anyone who worries about being a bad doodle mom is absolutely not one, the bad ones don't worry about such things.

[Tina, Clover, Plus 5 More]

Jane, thanks for sharing your story.  It is so true that most of us feel this way at some point and time in our lives.  Yet most of us are not BRAVE enough to admit, let alone share it.  I think it's an admiring quality to have.

The fact that you worry about being a bad doodle mom makes you the complete opposite.  Rooney & Stuart are very lucky to have a Mom like you and this picture says it all.

[Karen, Jasper and Jackdoodle]

My sentiments, exactly.

[Leslie and Halas]

You are a great doodle mom!  The fact that you stuck with Stuart even when you felt like you weren't bonding proves it.  You were willing to be patient and give it time, and it's paid off.  And sharing your story to help other doodle moms and dads also shows that you are a great doodle mom.  And that picture is adorable.

[Karen, Jasper and Jackdoodle]

Heck, it took me 8 weeks to fall in love with my own firstborn child!

 I have never understood "love at first sight", whether it be a human, a dog, or any other living thing. Real love takes time.

Jane, thank you for posting this. I'm sure it will help other adoptive doodle parents who may be in the throes of "what have I done" panic.

 I'm also glad that some of the others have pointed out that your expenses are not the norm for rescues. DRC adoption fees are generally $300-395, and include full vetting, spay/neuter, parasite treatment and preventatives, and microchipping. I think I might send a link to this discussion to the many "potential adopters" who ask if the DRC adoption fees are negotiable, lol.

Enjoy your two beautiful boys!

[Adina P]

I'm a lot like Karen on this. I just don't 'fall in love' with people or other creatures quickly. I may be infatuated with some, but a true bond rarely happens overnight and is richer and deeper with time. For some reason it has never bothered me with any of my dogs...I don't expect them to feel a strong loyalty or adoration of ME right away until we've done things that promote bonding. So you are totally okay and normal and a perfectly fine doodle 'mom' :) For me the bonding has come from training...working together on a difficult task increases my admiration, like and love of my dogs. I don't 'bond' via cuteness or snuggling alone. I thought Boca was a great pup pretty soon but wasn't enamored with her or 'in love'...but my affection grows tremendously after a good training session when we've been a 'team' and worked together :)