True Confessions of a Rescue Mom

[Jane, Rooney & Stuart]

Stuart - our goldendoodle puppy that was a rescue is such a cutie pie!  What is not to love right?  Well, I'm going to tell the whole truth in an effort the give hope to others that might experience the same bonding issue as I have had although I have never seen anyone else admit to this problem - am I the only one then? 

Rooney (our 11 month ALD) in my dreams was a cream puppy with a black nose - what I ended up with is a stunning parti colored, brown nosed doodle that is the love of my life.  He came to us pretty much potty, crate and leash trained.  He isn't perfect but in my eyes is about as close as you can get.  But I felt something was missing - I could tell he was bored and lonely, I felt he needed a brother or sister.  When I saw Stuart's picture on the adoption page - I just knew he was meant to be Rooney's brother and I jumped through the hoops to make it happen, driving 500+ miles one way to go get him out of the foster home - I all but begged for that dog.  The $20. adoption application fee, the $810. adoption fee was steep (who thinks rescue puppies are cheaper? - NOT) only to get there and find out that darling baby Stuart was sick with every known yucky parasite and giardia - nasty.  You have to realize that I don't do yuck very well but I did everything that I could, including catching poop on a paper plate to help Stuart get well and to protect Rooney from becoming infected.  Trip after trip to the vet with the price now well into the $1,200 range and that is without the needed neuter. 

Stuart quickly showed us how loving and smart he was - he learned his name, how to walk on the leash and did good with his potty training.  A real sweet heart - so what's the problem you ask?  I didn't feel like I loved Stuart - yes I took wonderful care of him but I had never bonded TO him.  We left to go to MI with me feeling exhausted, a little bit depressed and wondering how I could have made such a terrible mistake, one that I could see no way to fix.  I couldn't "return" Stuart like he was a pair of shoes that didn't fit.  Was this caused by his illness in the beginning and my not being able to cuddle and snuggle as much as I did with Rooney.  Is it because Stuart is bonding to Rooney and not as much to me?  There is a happy ending here - I wish I could tell you what changed but I don't really know.  Did I just need the extra time, perhaps with the potty training going well I was just getting more sleep?  In the past week something has just blossomed in my heart for my baby Stuart!!!  We swim in the pool together (something Rooney hates), we have our own snuggle time.  My worries are gone and I LOVE this little guy every bit as much as I do Rooney.  I just wanted to share that sometimes love doesn't come in an instant like we would expect and that not to give up because it can still happen!  There was a feeling of shame - like I had failed & was a bad doodle mom.  If anyone else out there ever goes through this - I just want you to know that you are not alone. 

[Lindsey]

Cute picture! I love your honesty! I was just "baby sitting" my dads pup...and at first I thought I had made a mistake by saying I would help train it...I didn't think I was attached to it and I was exhausted...my dad took the pup back home with him this weekend and I cried! It def. takes time when you've already got one (or more) doodles you love :-) or at least it did for me as well.

[Joanne ~ Spud*]

:---}   Absodoodleutley.  More than I can describe.  But that love does creep in with a lick, a tail wag, a cuddle, and that expression of appreciation you can sometimes find but you weren't looking.

Bonding with " something" sick is very difficult because there is a chance it won't work, it won't last, and you may have to let go.

It is a protection mechanism.   Don't blame your lack of "love at first site"   It was there all along, you were just holding it back and you were busy.  It must have POURED out.  Ain't love grand.

[Jane, Rooney & Stuart]

I'm not going to say which rescue org. that I got Stuart from - I knew the price up front and was willing to pay it.  Let me just say that this price isn't what they charge for their pure breed adoption dogs - but because they know that the "doodles" are in hot demand - they upped the price because people are willing to pay it, which goes to fund other dogs being rescued so that makes me feel better. 

I mention it only so that some people who feel like they'll adopt because they can't afford to purchase - should know the truth.  Stuart was on meds for the parasites but I found out about the giardia when I took Stuart straight to the vets, I called the foster home to tell them that the other puppies and perhaps the foster mom's own dogs would also have it and well lets just say the story gets a little murky at that point.  He did have a micro chip but the neuter is mine to take care of with that $100.00 refund which they encourage you not take as a way of making a donation to this organization - ummmmm - no thanks - I'll take the money please.  LOL

[Julie and Maggie]

I totally get where you are coming from Jane. They call it "rescue" for a reason.

[Allyson, Peri & Taquito]

T. was $100 and I have spent over $5,000 so far on him. So low adoption fee does NOT equal low costs to care for our furry friends!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Linda, Webber and Seda]

Jane, I think you are quite amazing!  I would have been very angry at the adoption organization that my dog was sick and required so much care.  I would have been really irritated that my other dog might get sick from the new one.  You appeared to handle the situation with such grace (I have to block out the visual of you following Stuart with a plate to say that :-)  ).  My second doodle is the softest, sweetest, most interactive little girl, and yet, it took me months to feel the same way about her that I feel about my first doodle.  I told myself that eventually I would love her as much as I loved Webber, but I wasn't sure!!  She seemed to be more interested in Webber than me, initially, which didn't help.  But then something insidious happens...a doodle kiss, an unsolicited coming to ask for affection, obeying commands, being adorable, and one day you realize that you love both of them and can't remember why you thought you didn't!  How could a Hopeless Doodle Addict not be a good doodle Mom!!!  I'm just sayin....

[Ellen, Brûlée, and Tira]

Fear, guilt and shame all lock us up into cells that separate us.  By opening up and sharing these difficult feelings, we are able to help others and to allow others to help us.  You are a wonderful example of courage and your sharing will undoubtedly, shore up others with similar feelings.  Thanks, Jane, for putting it on the line for us   :)

[F, Calla & Luca]

A very helpful post. It is only human to question and wonder about changes we've made in terms of kids or pets that add complications to our lives only to realize we made the right decision and love them.

[Camilla and Darwin]

Very lovely, honest post Jane. Thank you for sharing your honest feelings. I think to some extent, many of us have felt this. Not just those of us with rescues, but any of us who have gotten a dog. I know I was SO stressed for the first couple of weeks that we had Darwin. I thought we had made a terrible choice, and that I really wasn't ready for a dog yet. :-) Gradually I adjusted though, and realized how wonderful he is.

[Bonnie and Kona]

Jane, I had a sense that Stuart was a bit difficult for you. I understand perfectly. We got Owen FOR Kona. When our sweet old Golden died, Kona was bereft. He began to have anxiety issues and was miserable that Earle was gone. The humans at our house would have been fine with just one dog but Kona needed a friend. Owen is not the friend Kona "needed". This puppy is perhaps the most difficult we have had. He is just a stinker! We called him Devil Dog for too long. I finally told everyone that we could not use that term any more. BUT you are right, after a few weeks the behavior problems continued but the love grew. Now we are crazy about him and his antics often bring laughter instead of anger. He has calmed down significantly and is much more obedient at 10 months. Thank you for writing your story. Such a happy ending to share.

[Nicky, Riley & Boris]

That wonderful picture says it all.  You were obviously exhausted and who wouldn't be with all that you went through both physically and mentally during those first weeks.  It takes honesty to tell it the way it is. I wonder about those whose expectations and hard work have not resulted in the bonding process taking effect?  Where are those people and are those the Doodles that often end up in the rescue groups for re-homing? 

I am truly happy that Stuart is now truly part of a wonderful Doodle family and that his big brother Rooney is his best pal and that his humans love him so much.  Thank you so much for sharing your story here.  It's an honest one and one with a happy ending. One really important message from your post is that  Rescue dogs are most definitely not a cheap option and that is something that everyone considering  getting a dog should know from the outset.

[ClarkP]

Jane, you are not alone!  I'm sure everyone that has rescued a dog has felt the same way to varying degrees.  And Stuart being sick... that made everything so much worse.  We have had two rescues and it isn't the same as getting a puppy, that's for sure.  Puppies from a good breeder are healthy and happy.  They want to be with us and look to us for support.  They are learning so fast and are so malleable... whereas a rescue is a more fully formed personality.  Life has dealt them a worse hand and they may have some bad habits or personality problems because of it.  They probably don't initially look to us to help them because other humans have either abused them or let them down.  It's frustrating because you want to scream "Hey doggie!... I'm here to help you!!!" and yet they aren't as warm to us or trust us... yet.

 

It takes time... and lots of love.  And then they come around to trust and love you.  They may always have the mental scars of their life experience before they found you, but think of the wonderful life you have given them!  They will grow closer and closer to you as they learn they can trust you and your love. 

 

You are a saint for rescuing a dog as far as I'm concerned.  I'm so glad Stuart is beginning to relax and trust your love for him.  :-)