Wedding goes to the Dogs

[Joanne ~ Spud*]

The Wedding

This weekend F.J. and I were invited to attend a wedding and stay the weekend camping in the great outdoors with the Bride and Groom in an atmosphere of a Grateful Dead Theme ( do they do this still?)  A Jamboree in the hills.  The invitations encouraged attendees to bring a camper or tent and stay for the weekend- long bluegrass music festival. What was described as a being held in a beautiful lake setting turned out to be mounds of dirt dug to form a quarry on 10 acres of land with six trees, no electricity, and no bathrooms.

 

At the last minute the bartenders backed out or maybe were too drunk to serve. Since we are known as one of the only responsible drinkers, and since we really knew no one, we were asked if we could bartend the event at the last minute. We soon learned what was meant by us being the only responsible drinkers of this crowd.  Mind you, neither of us had ever bartended in our lives. 

 

What we originally thought was to be a combination of a Jewish groom (lawyer) and his bride (nurse)  became apparent we were wrong as a huge pig rotated on the spit.  But honestly, shouldn’t that have been our first clue before we decided to help out the mother of the bride and bartend—just the description alone!  A Grateful Dead Wedding held by a young group of professionals.

 

 

I know, wine comes in red and white, and beer is either in a bottle or can, or one of those things over there in a big tub with a handle.  Quickly, I was being yelled at by grown wealthy men demanding I do not give him head.  WTD?  I was horrified and sure I could not take this talk all night.  Oh, you mean no foam on the beer.  Okay, Okay, geesh.

 

We were held responsible for not having enough liquor, not serving fancy drinks, running out of beer, vodka, and worst of all, over 300lbs of ice melted quickly in the 97 degree heat!  The wedding had only taken place an hour before and the sun had not even set.  Dehydrated guests arrived demanding everything alcohol.  That was only the beginning of our day in a plastic tent with no electricity. A terrarium.  We knew right away if we served them strong and fast, this could end a lot quicker and our time would be limited with this gig.  WRONG again.

 

As the evening fell, we turned on 3 tiny battery operated lights that lasted a half hour and tried to serve alcohol in the dark.  Unfortunately, men in suits arrived with an entire fresh supply of vodka, and mixes, with 200lbs more of ice.  “The evening is young”, they all yelled as we looked at our watches at 9pm.  I had to feel around for F. J. hoping I grabbed the right man and not the creeps who kept complaining something about no head.

 

But get this……… the attendees brought their dogs!   Dogs of all sizes, shapes, ages, arrived unsupervised to the wedding.  Dogs, who hated each other, dogs, guarding the water bowls, dogs lifting legs on chairs, barking at arriving guests, dogs zooming between children’s legs and knocking them down, and drunken dog owners who had NO idea they owned dogs as the day wore on and the hot humid temperatures and alcohol intake increased. Dogs swam and zoomed in and out of crowds only to stop on the best of the dressed to shake off the water of the muddied lake all over sundresses and suits.  One dog howled as the vows were being recited.  Ow ooooooooooooo.  It seemed to me, we were in a dog park and someone decided to make it a hippy wedding romp event.

 

I overheard member of the bridal party softy screaming to another about the unattended Goldendoodle puppy who counter-surfed the wedding cake and took a huge bite out of the bottom tier. Someone hurried and cut these pieces away hoping no one had seen the muddy puppy prints and teeth marks.

 

Finally at 11:30 pm one of the bands stopped playing, and we decided to try to escape in the dark for the long travel home.

 

As we slithered and swerved between drunken passed out bodies on the lawn to our escape road out, I looked over and dogs were still awake rummaging through all the dinner trays as they sat atop the picnic tables throwing giant trays of food to the ground.

 

Certainly this was not an event for me, but this bride and groom were extremely happy and their guests were really Drunk.  

[F, Calla & Luca]

Sounds like a horror show! Sad to say. The outdoor weddings I've been at were wonderful peaceful affairs. These people should be avoided at all costs!

[Joanne ~ Spud*]

Oh ya, me too.  I pictured great music, beautiful outdoor settings, ceremony.................  We are exhausted.  But we got an eye full.  It took us all day yesterday to recoup. And we drank NOTHING.  Today, we can laugh.

[Anna and Achilles]

And drink!

[Lynda Kamrath]

How funny!  Sounds like Woodstock revisited.  I'm glad the bride and groom were happy with the whole thing.  There will be plenty to talk about for a while.   And the mother of the bride was in attendance?  That's amazing.  At least you did not need a bartending license.  Yep, definitely Woodstock revisited.  An experience to talk about anyway.

[Carol and Banjo]

Wow!   To each his own I guess!   This sounds like a bad movie Joanne.   It will give you both something to talk about and laugh about for sure!

[Nicky, Riley & Boris]

That sounds like the Wedding Horror story to beat all others.  I wonder if there is a video of it...now that would make interesting viewing.

[Joanne ~ Spud*]

It was unreal.  But others thought NOTHING of it   :)  I would love to see the video too.  It is one of those things that is NOT funny until you step back a few days and can laugh.

[Bonnie and Kona]

You must be very, very good friends with this woman to endure the abuse for so many hours. I think an hour would have been plenty and then let some of her other dear friends chip in. Wow. You should get hero awards!

[Camilla and Darwin]

Oh yikes.

[Kaytlin and Cooper]

OMD what a nightmare!

[Anna and Achilles]

I my goodness that is one for the record books!!! I can't believe you had to work so hard to attend a wedding. I hope the bride and groom appreciated all you did.

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Wow...I guess this is what makes the world go round. Sounds like a nightmare to me, but it would give you something to talk about for a very long time.