Smelly kids

[Eva (Lilo and Rocky)]

Hello, Rocky here... My smartiepants sister is trying to beat her own 23 minute world record for eating an entire 36 inch bully stick (YUK! I find those things DIS-GUS-TING! They smell like dead old cows and taste even worse), so I thought I’d chip in on a very important subject, since she won’t be interrupting me with her bad breath. I’d like to talk about smelly kids. Don’t get me wrong, I generally like kids from a distance, but their parents!! No manners at all. They let their little ones run up to me full speed and bonk me on my head with their greasy little fists; or they allow them to pull my ears and tail !! My tail is very long and beautiful for a boy dog, and I’m proud of it, and I DO NOT appreciate the kids messing it up. Plus, it hurts when they step on it and pull out the hairs. Sometimes, the kids actually smell good, like they just ate a hamburger, and then I lick their faces. But most kids smell just plain awful up close. That’s when I try to back off, as politely as possible. If they’re really really stinky, and they keep bugging me, I may rumble a bit. It sounds like this: mmmmmnnnrrrrgrrrrrrr, and if that doesn't help: MMMMMNNNRRRGRRRRRRR. The grownups never understand this reaction - they scold me and say I'm being a bad dog. HELLO!! I didn’t ask to have their children come up and hug and bug me! I’m just trying to protect myself from getting their kids' awful smell rubbed onto me, and prevent my tail from getting broken!! I should have been a girl, so I could wear a nice perfume (not that my sister does, but she’s weird, and likes to smell rotten herself, GROSS). Maybe I should consider a sex change operation? Yours most handsome doodle ever, Rocky (with CK - like Calvin Klein - and a Y - like Yves - please).