A Day in the Life of a Stinky Doodle Starring Vern!

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Our Vern is part skunk.  Sometimes, when his tail goes up, we all run.  My husband said the other day we should have named him Pigpen and from the way he smelled that might have been an insult to Pigpen.

He was groomed last Friday and looked gorgeous when I picked him up and smelled even better.  The first thing he did when he walked in the house was run to his bed and started rolling and digging in an attempt to wash the fresh smell off. 

He rolled on our walk Friday night and on Saturday after swimming in the lake he found a particularly messy spot on shore, plopped himself down, and rolled with such abandonment that while we looked on in horror, we couldn’t help but laugh, too.  When he stood up half of the shore was clinging to his face, life jacket, and miscellaneous exposed body parts.  I thought about sending the groomer a picture with the message, “you missed a few spots,” or even better, “if you don’t re-groom him today, I will tell everyone where he goes for grooming,” but I figured that could come off on a text message looking like extortion.

 

Fudge swims right along side of Vern or as she would tell you, under Vern as he uses his body weight to convince her to move out of his way, but Fudge rarely stinks.  I don’t think I have ever seen Fudge roll and I try to thank her everyday for remaining upright on our walks.  I can’t imagine if I had two dogs demonstrating the stop, drop, and roll technique repeatedly on our daily walks.  Fudge is very tolerant of Vern, but I have noticed lately even she has started avoiding him. 

I told you for the last time, this is as close as I am getting to Vern!

Yesterday, as we were preparing to go to the boat, I left the van side door and back door open while we were loading up the van.  This gave Vern the opportunity to run through the van repeatedly, in one door and out the other, hoping to surprise Fudge in some sort of surprise attack, but what he didn’t bank on was Fudge’s keen sense of smell.  She stayed one step ahead of him and at one point stood on the side of the van with all the doors closed and Vern stayed barking in the van at her, unable to figure out how she got away from him.  Sometimes, it is like watching her take candy from a baby.

Nobody get's in this car unless I say so!

I am sure many of you are saying,  “What’s the big deal? Bathe him already,” like we hadn’t already thought of that solution.  Well, Vern has had three baths in the past ten days and the fresh smell only lasts until he gets back outside and I might add, it is not easy giving a 90 plus pound dog a bath on bended knee.  Also, when your bathtub has no sprayer nozzle, you have to pick your battles carefully regarding a bath for a smelly dog. I have found I am a lot more tolerant of the smell and can talk myself into thinking it is not too bad, when the alternative involves making a huge, unhappy dog get into the bathtub.  If I had to guess I would say it takes about 1000 rinses to get all of the soap off of Vern when all you have at your disposal is a small, plastic, yellow cup that says University of Delaware on it, acquired from a high school graduation party.  Since he usually has most of his head buried in my armpit as I rinse away, I, too, get to feel the warm water mixed with Vern morsels with every rinse.  So, I am sure the grooming group can understand why sometimes when someone says, “Vern really stinks,” I pretend not to hear them or say something back like, “are you sure it isn’t you?” just to buy some extra time. 

A few months ago, my knight in shining armor brought home a new spray nozzle and left it in a bag near the tub for his wife to assemble.  Alas, it did not work unless the fair maiden somehow had magical powers and was able to wrestle the nozzle onto the tub faucet, hold it in place with a death grip, and simultaneously hold the sprayer in her mouth as she aimed it towards a large, slippery dog.  I am not holding out hope for the situation to be remedied soon because all the knight said when I relayed to him the information that his nozzle was defective and his sprayer didn’t work was, “I keep telling you it is operator error.”

The way I see it, I have some options, 1) Let Vern smell and greet visitors at the door with a scented pine cone and advise them to insert it into their nose for the duration of their stay 2) Buy a soap on a rope and have Vern wear it around his neck

3) Pull my husband’s nozzle until he replaces the one that does not work

4) Go to the store and buy it myself  - never going to happen and in my defense, my DH says he wants to pick it out 5) Train Vern to roll in Lavender fields only 6) Wrap Vern in bubble wrap prior to all walks 7) See if the Odor Blocker soap my husband uses works on large dogs 8) Run Vern through the car wash every day with the car windows down 9) Burn more scented candles 10) When someone comments on Vern’s smell, nod in my husband’s direction and ask him if he forgot to take a Gas-X pill (in other words, blame it on the man)

or 11) Tell people you just found him wandering the streets.  Notice, none of my options said, “stop Vern from rolling!” or “quit being lazy and bathe him everyday.” Sometimes, the right smelly dog really does find the perfect lazy owner.

 

[Elizabeth, Bailey & Bruin]

I give Bailey a bath in the water hose outside.  To save my back I have her stand in front of me while I sit on a cooler and bathe her..Then it's immediately onto the screen porch where she is allowed to roll on the carpet...thank heavens she is a lady like Fudge and doesn't roll in public..

 

I do have to say that Vern is the most handsome stinker that I have ever seen!!!!

[Karen, Jasper and Jackdoodle]

Jackdoodle does not roll, Thank Dog, because your description of bathing Vern is exactly what I experienced the one time I tried bathing Jack. I know it was even more traumatic for him than for me, because, unlike JD, I am still willing to enter the bathroom.

[Jane, Guinness and Murphy]

Murph would LOVE to be as dirty as Vern, but  I don't let him off leash unless there's absolutely no possibility that he would find mud or water because he's a "roller" too.  There's no way that I can handle him in our tub.  He hates baths and is much stronger than I am....I actually am in a cold sweat just thinking of it.  He gets groomed every 4 wks and if he absolutely needs a bath in between we have a "do it your self dog wash" at our Daycare.  It's a gigantic low tub with a nozzle in a room with a drain in the floor.....perfect and very inexpensive.  If you wear a wet suit, you're all set.  Also, sometimes I just brush him and use the dry shampoo...that works pretty well for the "stinkyness".

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

F, You probably have more grass than we do to begin with in your yard. Ours will win no neighborhood contest. I would like to side with Vern, but I have smelled him up close :)

Christine, Camus is a nice roller....LOL!!  We do need a shower nozzle, because the cup is just not cutting it anymore.

Kaytlin, #3 was my favorite, too :)

Nancy, I was thinking it was the cream colored dogs that do this, but Clancy doesn't, so who knows. Vern thinks Ned rocks and rolls :) LOL

Lisa, Me, too! If I had two rollers, I wouldn't be able to walk upright after I bathed them both. Daisy and Fudge are too ladylike to roll.

[F, Calla & Luca]

I guess it must be that my grass is sweet hay or something. Luca rolls only at home  because he is virtually on leash at all other times. He does not smell. My dogs get bathed twice a year whether they need it or not.  Calla may get bathed more often if I take her to the groomers again. I truly couldn't stand the perfumy smell she had after that though. The other possibility is intriguing though. Maybe it really isn't Vern that smells. Hmmm....

[Christine & Camus]

Given that Camus is 84 lbs. I can sympathize, however he is kind to me and only rolls in grass :)  I bathe him in the tub, but I do have a shower nozzle that works as a hand held, nonetheless it is a backbreaking chore!  With the recent hot weather I switched to bathing him outside - much easier.

[Kaytlin and Cooper]

love #3!!!! Rolling makes Vern happy... let him do it i say. after a while you wont notice the smell!

[Nancy, Ned, Clancy, and Charlie]

Ned rolls also.  When he is on-leash, I can 'catch' the roll so it only begins but off leash...... Neither Clancy nor Gordie does this.  Do the dogs who are more difficult to groom, instinctively know this, and are drawn to smelly stuff?

[Lisa, Daisy & Dexter]

LOL! I am glad Daisy is Demure like Fudge!