Different Priorities

[Camilla and Darwin]

DH and I recently decided to move a couple of hours away to attend a university we both love. Honestly we were expecting happiness and congratulations from our families but that hasn't been the case. They have raised the typical questions like cost of moving, leaving current jobs, making a big change, etc. We expected all of that. What I didn't really expect was how Darwin started to come up in the protests.

My family is aware that it's been hard for us to find dog friendly housing. SLC is not very pet friendly, and finding a cheap, nice, large dogs allowed apt in a good area is near impossible. But with this move, we are heading somewhere that is even less dog friendly. And it's stressful, knowing that almost no apartments will allow Darwin. I know that we will find somewhere, it will just be kind of difficult. Still, having a dog is limiting our choices immensely and they are very worried that it will affect our education.

Certain members of my family (in-laws and immediate) feel that Darwin was a very bad choice. They feel that we should never have gotten a dog while we were still young, and in college. And they think that he is holding us back, monetarily, our living situation, our time availability, etc. I suppose that to a small degree, it's true. We have spent money and time on Darwin that we could have spent elsewhere. But that is true for any hobby, responsibility, choice, etc. And the thing is, it was our choice to make. We made it, and we aren't sorry that we did. We love Darwin. The worst thing, is that it has been suggested by more than one person that we get rid of Darwin to make it easier to finish school, or rehome him until we are done. (over a year). I am baffled that anyone who knows us would think for one second we would consider this. My reaction to the suggestion certainly cleared that up.

I guess this blog is kind of a rant, so bear with me. :-) I've been feeling really down lately, because I've started wondering if maybe it WAS selfish for us to get Darwin before we "should have". Everyone knows college students aren't the best dog owners, right? Should I have listened to that stereotype more? I have scrutinized our ownership of Darwin and I can honestly can say that we have never compromised when it comes to Darwin. I've always been proud of that. We've payed for higher quality food, vaccines, vet costs, daycare, training, spending lots of time with him, etc. Even so, maybe Darwin ISN'T getting the home he deserves, because we move so much, because he doesn't have a yard, etc. It's just so frustrating to be so proud of my accomplishments with Darwin, and to have most other people that know me think it's a waste of time and money. Where as I (and DH) view these choices with Darwin a good thing, everyone else seems to be looking down on them. Thinking that they are irresponsible, meaningless choices.

I'm not saying that I would ever consider getting rid of Darwin. That would NEVER happen. I'm not even saying that I regret getting him, because I don't. It's just hard to have something that I am 100 percent proud and happy about, be torn down by people I care about. To have family say that we never should have gotten him, and should get rid of him now... it's painful and it makes me very... sad.

I know for many of you it will be confusing that family members are so involved in our lives. Why are we discussing our move with our family in such detail? Why are they giving us advice about Darwin? It's kind of confusing for me too. All I can say is that we are still young (22) and our families are a big part of our lives right now. One thing I am hoping is that when we move further away we will start to become more of our own independent unit, and rely less on family advice and involvement.

Obviously if I said this to anyone else they would not get it. "It's just a dog" has been said to me way too many times. What is ironic about this is that if he really is "just a dog" then why do they all care so much? I'm so glad to have a group of people here that I know get it. I am so sick of having to feel guilty about being a good owner to Darwin. Why oh why are our families not dog people?

[Camilla and Darwin]

Becka, that is so kind, thank you.

[Becka]

Camilla, I just want you to know that as a college professor I deal with people your age on a regular basis, and they rarely sound as mature and responsible as you do in this post. Perhaps your family will never see it this way, but I believe that they should be proud and impressed to have produced offspring so caring, thoughtful, and generous. I have not met too many people in their early 20s who are so willing to put the needs of anyone (human, animal, whatever) before their own. I say keep following your heart--it's obviously leading you in the right place!

[Camilla and Darwin]

Sherri, thank you for your comments. I agree that maybe if I was more forthcoming with my feelings they may understand more. They have already become more accepting of Darwin than they were initially, so perhaps it's just a matter of time.

[Sherri, Sophie, Winston, & Kitty]

btw, a lot of people in my life told me getting a dog was not a good decision for me, but I knew myself, and knew what was right for me, despite their objections. Now, when they see how my face lights up at the mention of her, they understand that they were wrong and see how I had made a great choice for myself, even though it wasn't something they would have done. Don't forget to always share your happiness with your family. How can they deny it was the right choice if they see how happy Darwin has made you?

[Sherri, Sophie, Winston, & Kitty]

Hi Camilla, I saw this earlier but never got a chance to respond. I think you are amazing for your doodle and no doubt he has enriched both your lives in ways your family can't understand. I think it's true that you need to be more assertive, but also remember to be true to yourself and never let other peoples opinions bother you. Only you know what is best for you, and if they don't understand too bad. I'm sure they will grow to accept it in time. If you really want their love and support, maybe try explaining how you feel. You did such a lovely job of that in your post. The first thing I thought is that if your family were to read this they would probably sympathise and understand you a bit more.

[Camilla and Darwin]

Thank you so much Jane, and you are so right of course. We are the people to make that decision, not them. :-) We need to work on being more assertive.

[Jane, Guinness and Murphy]

Hmm, I wonder who is the best person to decide when you "should have" gotten Darwin?  I'm guessing it's you and your DH.  You are wonderful and responsible dog owners.  I hope that you're very proud of yourselves...I know there are lots of us here on DK who are proud of you.  Sometimes parents have a tendency to get caught up in what they think is right for their kids and have a hard time seeing them for the amazing young adults that they are....even when they make decisions that are different than what we would like them to do.  I know it took me a while to get to this point with my girls....your families will get there too.  Just stay true to yourselves and love your families even when they're making you "crazy".

[Camilla and Darwin]

Thank you Karen. :-)

[Karen, Jasper and Jackdoodle]

Camilla, I was 54 years old, a grandmother, financially secure, and owned my own home with a fenced yard when I adopted Jackdoodle, and my mother still told me I was nuts and shouldn't have gotten him. Families are all basically the same, and they never change, no matter how old you get. You learn to listen politely with one ear, and then just do what feels right to you.

If you asked Darwin, he would tell you that he loves you with all his heart, that he wants nothing more than to be with you, wherever that might be, and that he is forever grateful that the luck of the draw placed him with you and Jacob. He would also tell you that no doodle in the world has better parents than he does, and he would be right.

[Camilla and Darwin]

Lynn, I know. :-) Then you have to narrow it down by pricing, nearness to the school and size limits. It doesn't end up at 63. Still, we do have a few promising options.