Different Priorities

[Camilla and Darwin]

DH and I recently decided to move a couple of hours away to attend a university we both love. Honestly we were expecting happiness and congratulations from our families but that hasn't been the case. They have raised the typical questions like cost of moving, leaving current jobs, making a big change, etc. We expected all of that. What I didn't really expect was how Darwin started to come up in the protests.

My family is aware that it's been hard for us to find dog friendly housing. SLC is not very pet friendly, and finding a cheap, nice, large dogs allowed apt in a good area is near impossible. But with this move, we are heading somewhere that is even less dog friendly. And it's stressful, knowing that almost no apartments will allow Darwin. I know that we will find somewhere, it will just be kind of difficult. Still, having a dog is limiting our choices immensely and they are very worried that it will affect our education.

Certain members of my family (in-laws and immediate) feel that Darwin was a very bad choice. They feel that we should never have gotten a dog while we were still young, and in college. And they think that he is holding us back, monetarily, our living situation, our time availability, etc. I suppose that to a small degree, it's true. We have spent money and time on Darwin that we could have spent elsewhere. But that is true for any hobby, responsibility, choice, etc. And the thing is, it was our choice to make. We made it, and we aren't sorry that we did. We love Darwin. The worst thing, is that it has been suggested by more than one person that we get rid of Darwin to make it easier to finish school, or rehome him until we are done. (over a year). I am baffled that anyone who knows us would think for one second we would consider this. My reaction to the suggestion certainly cleared that up.

I guess this blog is kind of a rant, so bear with me. :-) I've been feeling really down lately, because I've started wondering if maybe it WAS selfish for us to get Darwin before we "should have". Everyone knows college students aren't the best dog owners, right? Should I have listened to that stereotype more? I have scrutinized our ownership of Darwin and I can honestly can say that we have never compromised when it comes to Darwin. I've always been proud of that. We've payed for higher quality food, vaccines, vet costs, daycare, training, spending lots of time with him, etc. Even so, maybe Darwin ISN'T getting the home he deserves, because we move so much, because he doesn't have a yard, etc. It's just so frustrating to be so proud of my accomplishments with Darwin, and to have most other people that know me think it's a waste of time and money. Where as I (and DH) view these choices with Darwin a good thing, everyone else seems to be looking down on them. Thinking that they are irresponsible, meaningless choices.

I'm not saying that I would ever consider getting rid of Darwin. That would NEVER happen. I'm not even saying that I regret getting him, because I don't. It's just hard to have something that I am 100 percent proud and happy about, be torn down by people I care about. To have family say that we never should have gotten him, and should get rid of him now... it's painful and it makes me very... sad.

I know for many of you it will be confusing that family members are so involved in our lives. Why are we discussing our move with our family in such detail? Why are they giving us advice about Darwin? It's kind of confusing for me too. All I can say is that we are still young (22) and our families are a big part of our lives right now. One thing I am hoping is that when we move further away we will start to become more of our own independent unit, and rely less on family advice and involvement.

Obviously if I said this to anyone else they would not get it. "It's just a dog" has been said to me way too many times. What is ironic about this is that if he really is "just a dog" then why do they all care so much? I'm so glad to have a group of people here that I know get it. I am so sick of having to feel guilty about being a good owner to Darwin. Why oh why are our families not dog people?

[Lisa, Daisy & Dexter]

Camilla, I understand the story believe me, when our DD moved into a house with four other girls in college the first thing she did was run out and get a kitten....we were so mad at her, but guess what, the kitten survived. The next thing she did was get an apartment with a friend who had a pug, we were so mad at her, guess what the pug was happy the cat was happy and everyone survived. Then DD started dating a guy with a boxer, the guy was there more than he was home, hence the dog was there, we were so mad at her (and him) but guess what, the cat, the pug and the boxer survived. Then guess what she did, she got a friggen puppy....we were so mad at her, but guess what the cat, the pug, the boxer and the puppy, all survived. And you know what else, the cat , the pug the boxer and the puppy were so happy and loved and cared for even without a lot of money and it was an apartment. They took the dogs to parks, for long walks, visited grandma's house (me) and everyone was happy. The key is this - THEY WERE LOVED! You love Darwin, please don't regret your decision. This too shall pass and the parents will just have to accept that fact.

Good luck on your new adventure, it will be trying but you are young and smart and will make it work.

The other good thing is no matter where you move you will always have all of us here on DK

[F, Calla & Luca]

Darwin would be a waste of time and money for some people, probably the very ones who are telling you that. But for you he's not. It's that simple. You sacrifice in other areas for him I'm sure. We all, aside from Bill Gates, do that to some extent in terms of deciding financial priorities. You made your decision about Darwin long ago and you will find a way. I don't think moving a lot is particularly hard on him as long as he's with you. So listen to the family and then do what you think is best. That's how it should be.

[Suzann, Rosey & Bandit]

Camilla, you are so amazing with all your talents and gifts and Darwin is so lucky to have you and vice versa.  It is hard for parents to stop being parents but it is YOUR life and YOU have to live it... no one else.  I know Darwin brings you and hubby so much happines.. he doesn't know any different life and you have given him a wonderful home with LOTS of love.. what more could any dood or dog ask for?  You stick to your guns girl!!

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Camilla, I was in my 50's when I got Fudge and my mom was the one I had the hardest time telling. She thought it was a dumb idea, but now she loves my dogs. I tried to talk my DD out of getting a dog when she was getting her PhD and she flat out did not listen (the usual). She is a fabulous pet owner and takes great care of two dogs now. You may be young, but you have it together, and part of growing up is having the confidence to make your own decisions. People who say, "It's just a dog," don't get it and never will. Darwin has enriched your life in ways you did not dream possible when you first got him and you made a great choice.  The good thing about advice is you can take it or leave it :)

[Doris]

Sometimes families don't get it.  My mother was unhappy with my second pregnancy - at age 30 with a husband, house, etc.  They don't realize that what they say hurts.  Enjoy Darwin, you love him!!  Be flexible with housing, etc and ignore what the family is saying!

[Donna K & Quincy]

Camilla, I forgot to mention, I was 53 and my parents thought I was crazy for getting a dog, so sorry, it never stops.

[Nancy, Ned, Clancy, and Charlie]

Another PS - what town are you moving to?  How about a shout out to see if there are any dk members there?

[Nancy, Ned, Clancy, and Charlie]

PS, we let our parents talk us out of making a move to the California beach towns when we were first starting our careers - what a stupid thing that was......

[Nancy, Ned, Clancy, and Charlie]

YOU ARE AN AWESOME PERSON AND DOG MOM, CAMILLA AND DON'T FOR ONE MINUTE LISTEN TO THE NAYSAYERS.  Has Darwin limited your living choices? Sure.  Having Darwin has taught you how to be responsible for another living being that is totally dependent upon you for every single thing and he has increased your capacity for loving others.  Darwin has increased your organization, time management skills, selflessness, focus - and I can go on. I don't think Darwin cares if he has a yard. 

If you have limited some of your college choices, then you have. Work with what you have.  My daughter is starting grad school in the fall. She got a lab 2 years ago - has it limited where she could apply to grad school - yes.  So what! That is all part of being a grown up.

[Nina, Phil, Harlow & Lacey]

Camilla, I think you and DH are doing a great job with Darwin.  I think many of us have had the same type of experience with our parents when we were young, newly married and starting a life on our own.  I can remember my in-laws behaving the same way when DH & I were first married and got our first dog.  I do vaguely remember telling my FIL that he wouldn't be making the same comments if Lorien was a human child.  Not to worry, you, DH and Darwin are your own family and you have a large extended family here on DK who will always "get it".