Dog Overboard!

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

If our boating season keeps going like it has been going, we may be selling our pontoon soon.  The weather has been so uncooperative this year and despite our boat being in the water since early April, we have only been out on it three times.  Two of those times have been fairly eventful and we are too old for all this excitement.  Our boat is docked right next to our next-door neighbor’s boat.  This is a wonderful thing unless you hit their boat in a freak accident, which is what happened to us on our first time out in the water.  As John has gotten older, he has gotten more concerned with the weather.  I’ll say, “Do you want to go out for dinner?” and he might reply, “I think it is going to rain.”  Now, I know we can still eat inside when it is raining outside, so I hate these kinds of comments, because it makes me feel like I am married to an old girly-man.  Of course, I watch enough of Dr. Phil to know you are not supposed to say things like, “why are you being such a wuss?” but I have been known to say, “are you afraid your housecoat will get wet?” which I think is Dr. Phil approved.  He has an app now on his phone for the weather and it drives me nuts.  Most apps do. The other day we were in a stand still traffic jam and he pulled his phone from his pocket and fidgeted with it for about ten minutes and then declared, “it says there is heavy traffic ahead.”  All I said was, “duh!”  I miss the surprise, the spontaneity of life, and I would like to go out on the boat without a care in the world without knowing that his app says rain in the forecast.  The old saying, Seize the Day, does not mean only if it is app approved.

 

All that aside, I am not taking any blame for our first boating fiasco.  When we left, the skies were clear and beautiful.  As we often do when we are boating, we look for a place to dock so the dogs can get off and swim.  Because we have had so much rain and snow, the lake is high and there are hardly any places left to dock, but we finally managed to find something.  The dogs got out into the water, despite the low water temperatures, and we were having fun when all of a sudden it began to rain.  By the time we got everyone back on the boat and headed to the docks, the wind had picked up at an alarming rate and as John went to park the boat, I did say, “are you sure you can park in this weather?”  There are two sides to every story, my side and the wrong side, so from here on out, John doesn’t need to hear the rest of the story.  It seemed to me that John was going too fast to park the boat and I tried to helpfully point this out to him by screaming, “SLOW DOWN!” but he didn’t listen and we hit the end of our dock.  I think our anchor was what hit and it caused the anchor to malfunction and drop. Because the anchor was down and would not come back up with the switch and the high winds were whipping us around, our boat went sideways and grazed our neighbor’s motor. As often happens in these kinds of situations, we focus less on our predicament and more on assessing blame.  Someday, if we ever make the nightly news, we will be the couple in the background pointing fingers at each other. Thankfully, when we went home and explained to the neighbor what had happened, he just laughed and said he was thrilled he was going to be able to trade up to a much larger boat after the lawsuit. 

We didn't even leave a scratch, neighbor!

Now, when we go out in the boat, I plan on texting them a message that John is getting ready to park the boat and to pray for us. 

 

Our second boating trip went well with Joanne, but our third one hit another snag. 

This time it was just John, me, and the dogs, and ended up in a rescue.  We had parked the boat in an area with lots of trees and brush.  Because Fudge is still on a 30-foot line, every time she jumped out of the boat and onto land, she managed to get her line all tangled up in the trees.  This meant one of us had to stand on the boat yelling, “This was a dumb spot to dock. Fudge needs help again?” The other person, voted most likely to untangle Fudge where there could be a snake, had to jump off the boat and untangle her while simultaneously commenting that people barking orders from the boat should pipe down.  In addition to this problem, there was an extra loud pair of geese that had claimed this area as their own and did not take kindly to strangers.  Well, I came up with the bright idea to close the front door of the boat denying access to land and open the back door, which meant they had to stay on the boat or in the water.  I could tell John was right on board with this plan by the way he DID NOT SHUT THE DOOR, as instructed, after I spent some time going over the benefits of this plan.   Another fight ensued when Fudge jumped off the front of the boat again and got all tangled up, I screamed something about why the door had not been shut, and John said no one had ever said anything about shutting that door. 

 

By this time, John was trying to attach the dog steps to our little ladder so the dogs could go easily in and out of the water, so I shut the front door myself, and was breathing in the sights and sounds of the lake when Fudge jumped off the boat into the water.  Vern followed right behind her.  Neither dogs ever jump directly into the water from the boat, thus the ladder, but I underestimated the appeal of the geese, that had decided to honk their disapproval of us invading their land space, from the water.  I was still exclaiming my delight that both dogs had finally decided to “take the plunge”, so to speak, when it occurred to me that Fudge was much farther away from the boat than the 30-feet line allowed.  Apparently, my righteous indignation at John for not shutting the door had me so befuddled that when I moved the dogs into the boat, I forgot to hook Fudge’s line up to the back of the boat.  Nothing makes me madder than having to admit I made a mistake right after I had loudly declared my superiority in dog management skills.  So, I calmly screamed, “Oh my God, Fudge is not hooked up to the boat!” hoping John would overlook the part about someone not hooking Fudge up to the boat.  That did not happen. Instead, in what I like to call John’s best managerial voice, he stood up and boomed, “Who is responsible for this?”  Well, I have my own way of dealing with management, so I said, “I’d like to call my Union rep before answering questions, but meanwhile, Fudge is swimming away.”  Well, John jumped in the water and for those of you who don’t know about water temperatures, which was only 65 degrees, in the words of George Constanza, which I know he copied from my John, “the water was cold.  It’s shrinkage, I tell you.”

Which one of these balls was in very cold water?

It went from bad to worse after that. John yelled for me to throw him his life vest and I accidentally threw him Hayley’s.  Nothing says, “stay safe in the water,” like throwing your husband a life vest that doesn’t fit.  I guess when you are numb from the waist down, a snafu like that can make you testy or delirious, because I could clearly hear him talking to himself about idiots. Meanwhile, Fudge and Vern were following those geese out into the lake and Fudge seemed to be on a mission.  Vern, recognizing our serious “you had better get back here,” voice, turned around at some point and headed back to the boat.  Not Fudge.  I sincerely believe she would have followed those geese into the middle of the lake if two men in a canoe had not taken mercy on us and grabbed her line and brought her back to us.  The men were very amused by the whole situation and said they had not been able to catch any fish, but could tell their friends they had caught a dog.  John yelled out, “a dog fish,” and everybody seemed happy.

 Our heroes

The other night we went out on the boat without the dogs.  At some point, I looked over at John and said, “Gee, it really can be relaxing on a pontoon boat.  Who knew?”

[Lucy & AnnaBelle's Mom]

Well I have to admit that your previous Pontoon boat trip stories always made me a little envious, but not so much this time around!  Just a little too stressful for me.  I would have been having a heart attack as Fudge was swimming away!  So happy this all ended well.  

[DJ & Chance]

LOL LOL LOL 

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Cheryl, Your comment really made me laugh. I drive perfectly despite what anyone else says :) LOL

Camilla, Hmmmm....good question. I think an RV is next :) LOL

Bonnie, Thank you!! You are always so nice and encouraging to me :)

Thanks, Michelle and Allyson :)

Jenn, I will tell John :) I hope he listens, for once :)

Janie, It has only one way to go....LOL. Luckily, Joanne stayed safe.

Joanne, There are boats out there cruising along and I didn't want Fudge to get hit :) Too bad I didn't have a liver treat. LOL John's testicles survived, although he did say he was numb from the waist down :)

[Cheryl and Finnegan]

OMD NO, Camilla!  No motorcycle side cars for Fudge and Vern!  You KNOW how Laurie drives! LOL

[Camilla and Darwin]

Oh my goodness, what a dramatic scene!! so glad that the canoers were there! So if you sell the boat what will you all do next? Motorcycles maybe? Ooh, or a hot air balloon?

[Bonnie and Kona]

OMD! This is the best. Oops I've said that before. Honestly, Laurie please write a book. I loved every word. Your story reminds me of one of our Golden Retrievers who decided to swim after ducks in a pond. They were very adept at staying just far enough in front of him to keep him following for a long, long time. DH finally had to jump into the pond (yuck) and bring the dog back to shore. I'm so glad the fishermen were adept at dog catching. 

[Miss Ellie]

Never a dull moment in your life Laurie...I apologize in advance to John as I was laughing so hard at the part where you threw him the wrong size life vest...oh Laurie...what would we do without your blogs:)

[Allyson, Peri & Taquito]

This is really so funny - glad you were rescued. And I do agree, it's probably much more relaxing (but not as entertaining) without dogs!

[jenn D]

Well I was hoping to cash in on the whole yacht thing. Tell John if he has this much trouble in water you will ship him off to New Mexico as we are desert.

[Janie, Jackson and Jilly]

Really lol at this one! I can imagine you cringing as you hit your neighbors boat, omd! And then watching Fudge swim away?! Yikes. Thank goodness Joanne survived the boat trip! Lol Hopefully all this excitement is behind you and it's smooth sailing ahead!!