Forsaking All Others, EXCEPT TV, Until Death Do We Part!

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

 

First, let me start off by saying, I love television. I know some people think it is mindless entertainment and prefer other forms of more intellectual stimulation, but I am not one of those people.  Show me the new fall line-up and I experience something akin to pure euphoria.  I have lots of members in my family who feel the same, and I guarantee you if they measured IQ with TV trivia questions, we could hold our next family reunion at a Mensa convention. I could see us now all conferring, “I wasn’t sure if it was Lenny or Squiggy who had the hots for Shirley….Man, I think I missed the question about the name of the dog on My Three Sons.......Who played the gal who shot J.R?” Mensa would never be the same.

 

I grew up with a mom who liked TV and at age 85, still does.  When she had a bigger house, she had three VCR’s going at all times recording this show or that show. Personally, I think she developed high blood pressure from the stress of having to keep ahead of the shows she had recorded and thumbing through the TV guide each day in a frantic search to find more shows to record.  She was exhausted every day just trying to keep track of all her VCR tapes. At Christmas, we used to ask her what she wanted and she always said blank VCR tapes and then we would ask her just how much did she think we had budgeted for her Christmas present. I mean, come on, we are not the Rockefellers.

 

Even now, if you spend any time with my mom, you know not to bother her from 9-10 am because Matlock is on and between 11am-noon because she will be watching The Price is Right.  I can also tell you if I called her during The Price is Right and told her one of my kids had just won the Nobel Peace Prize, I know for a fact she would say, “Hold on, Laurie, they are just about to announce the show case winner.”  Recently, I was in Bed, Bath, and Beyond, and made the mistake of answering my phone only to have her launch into a tirade because President Obama had the audacity to interrupt her show to talk about the weather.  I tried to explain that maybe he felt warning the American public about an approaching Hurricane might be a little more important than watching people spin a large wheel, but it quickly became apparent that old people have different priorities.  My mom is a smart woman and keeps up with politics, but I would not be surprised one day to turn on my TV and see her marching in Washington DC with a sign that says, “Honk if You Think the The Price is Right Should NEVER Be Preempted for News Conferences/World Events/Weather Reports!!”

 

So, with all this TV viewing in my genetic makeup is it any wonder I married a man who likes TV too. Unfortunately, I can guarantee you if he likes a show, I will hate it and vice versa.  Whether this is by design so he can watch his shows in peace, or he really does care what Andy Rooney’s feelings are about umbrellas is something I can’t really answer. He, on the other hand, cannot understand how I can watch a show like Dancing with the Stars and get so invested in it that I am running around screaming, “I don’t care if the Pope calls. I am not taking calls during this hour!” The season Emmitt Smith beat Mario Lopez, I almost ended up in the hospital when Carrie Ann Inaba only gave Emmitt a 9, when he clearly deserved a 10.  My husband came back into our bedroom several times to see if some trash talking woman had found her way into our home and then backed right out when he saw the wild look in my eyes. He knew it was only a matter of time before I took my frustrations out on someone.  Once in awhile, when I feel Fudge and Vern have been exceptional, I might even call them Cheryl and Emmitt, which is high praise indeed.  

 

I know it probably seems silly to get so wrapped up in a TV show, but I am sure if everyone was honest they might admit there is a show or two that makes them as crazy as me.  God help me, if I have a major medical event during Antique Roadshow, because unless I am holding a just found letter signed by President Lincoln or a rare Indian blanket when I go down, my husband will not see me for the one hour the show airs.  Also, don’t you hate it when someone is watching a show when you call and instead of saying they are busy, tries holding a conversation when their heart is just not in it and their mind is following the show’s dialogue, not yours? It is just so obvious by their responses that they are not listening. The last time I called my daughter during Modern Family and told her I just had my mammogram that day and she responded with “that’s hilarious!” was a dead giveaway. When I said, “Let’s see how you feel when you go from a 36C to a 36 Long in 5 seconds,” all she said was “cool.” 

 

It is hard on the ego sometimes to come in second place to a TV show. I can understand if it is some momentous event, but week after week, I lose out to Norm from This Old House and I don’t kid myself that if my husband had to go out to dinner with just one of us, I would be dining alone.  I just cannot offer the same level of enthusiasm that Norm can about gutters and drywall.  I feel the same way about Simon Baker of The Mentalist, only I hope when we discuss Screwdrivers, Rusty Nails, Slow Southern Screws, and Velvet Hammers, we are enjoying a romantic holiday on a beach somewhere sipping them.

 

Over the years we have found that what works best for our marriage is if we just enjoy our own shows and don’t pressure each other to watch anything together. We came to this conclusion after years of trying to force the issue. I am not forced to come up with something witty to say during Antique Roadshow, although once when they featured a corn mold made of cast iron and used to bake corn bread, I did say, “I wonder how much dough that is worth?” and he sort of smiled. I don’t have to listen to comments like, “That teacher lady really ought to think about padding her bra, because that is one flat chested woman,” during the pivotal scene where Helen Keller’s teacher finally gets through to her about what she is signing.  For our family, TV is like a good game of Solitaire and we all know the only way to play that is alone.

 

[Camilla and Darwin]

ROFL!

[Linda and Murphy]

Dang, Laurie, you interrupted m y new favorite show Unforgettable.

[Bonnie and Kona]

Oh Kimmy, What a cute photo!

[Kimmy & Chewie]

My Chewie's addicted to Animal Planet's "Breed All About It"...here's what he looks like on Sunday mornings...

[Bonnie and Kona]

Tears running down my face and stomach cramping again. This is not a burst appendix, it is a blog by Laurie. How do you do it? Please publish something. You will make a fortune.

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Thanks, Dori!!

[Dori & Rua]

Laurie...YOU have to publish! 

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

LOL, Joanne!! I am watching Body of Proof.

[Joanne ~ Spud*]

Darn, I would read this blog but my show--Parenthood, is coming on so I don't have time.  Be Back in an Hour.