Fudge and Vern, The Mighty Squirrel Hunters!

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Yesterday, I had one of those moments in life when something smacks you square in the face and you have to pull your head out of the dirt and face reality.  I could no longer pretend that my sweet, innocent Doodles wouldn’t hurt a fly and admit to myself that despite the fact that they are domesticated in so many ways, they still have strong hunting instincts that cannot be denied.  It was the same kind of aha moment I had when I saw my sweet, innocent daughter exit a movie theater with her date holding hands and stopping to kiss on the sidewalk.  It took all my will power not to honk the horn and yell, “Irina Slutskya, get in this car NOW.  We are going to Target to see if they carry chastity belts.” In actuality, I probably am exaggerating just a bit, but I do remember I turned to my passenger and said, “look away and let’s hope it stays PG rated!”

 

We have all heard the story about the Big Bad Wolf and Little Red Riding Hood, but I never thought Fudge and Vern, despite being descendants of the grey wolf, would have been involved in the unseemliness of stalking the poor girl and harassing her dear grandmother. 

Based on my evidence accumulated last night, I now think Fudge would have done everything she could have to divert Red from her route and Vern would have tried to taste an arm or leg and then after having it in his mouth for a minute or two, spit it out with a look of confusion on his face.  I surely know this is what happened to one poor squirrel who met two Doodle Nuts in our yard last night.

Meet the Doodle Nuts!

It was partly my fault, because I knew they were fixated on something out near a large birdhouse we have.  I bought the birdhouse years ago in the hopes that someone I was married to could mount it onto a large pole and put it out near our fish pond.  I must have been younger and more foolish to dream of an area where birdhouses of all sizes and shapes could come together in a decorative fashion to make a statement in our yard that birds were welcome and we had style to boot.  After waiting for years to no avail and looking out to see my poor birdhouse resting on a bench with little hope of ever being mounted on a pole, I gave up, and moved the thing to an area above our stone wall.  The years have not been kind to my wooden birdhouse and the dogs were determined to finish it off yesterday when they sensed something was living inside. As they worked on dismantling it in a frenzy and my screams of “leave it” fell on deaf ears, I finally was forced to stop looking through my newly received Pottery Barn catalog and roll it up and whack it on our stone wall to show them I meant business.  I thought about whacking each of them on the head, but I didn’t want to hurt my catalog.  After that, it was easy enough to lure them into my van for a much needed walk and I thought we had settled the matter.  Well, I thought wrong, because the moment we arrived home they leapt from the van and resumed their pursuit and returned to the birdhouse.

Vern, Do you hear someone yelling something?

Unfortunately, Mr. Squirrel must have been cracking some nuts open while watching the nightly news because he appeared off his game and the chase was on. 

It was dark by this time, but I could tell by their body language that they had something and in between screaming for them to “drop it or sit or stop or knock it off,” I managed to get John out there to help me.  At that point, I was still unsure what it was, but I could see that Fudge had rounded it up and Vern, Mr. I’m not sure what it is, but let me put it in my mouth, had decided that whatever it was it didn’t taste like sweet potato and immediately dropped it on the ground.  The dogs/perpetrators were corralled, a flashlight was located, and the House Coroner declared it a homicide and the victim was a squirrel.  No chalk outline was needed because the case was cut and dry.  I do have to say though, that one of the reasons our marriage has survived so long is because John can lie with the best of them, especially when he senses a long night of “did our dogs really just kill an animal?” I like that about him, because it allows me to skirt the truth sometimes and tell myself what I want to hear.  However, last night when he turned to me in a pathetically feeble attempt to make me feel better and said, “I think the squirrel had a heart attack,” even I, the star witness to the event, could not fall for that one.  I did appreciate his efforts to deceive me.

 

All of last night was spent with the dogs wanting to go back outside to see if any of Mr. Squirrel’s friends had shown up for the viewing.  It was almost as if Katy Perry’s new hit CD, “I Kissed a Squirrel and I Liked it,” was playing over and over in their heads, because their adrenaline seemed to be pumping all night. 

I yelled more than once, “You are under house arrest!  Go to sleep or the warden will put you in solitary confinement!!”  I have no doubt that today will be spent either relocating the birdhouse or turning friends of the deceased away.  Wish me luck!  It is going to be a long day!

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Gail, Those darn squirrels are everywhere up here getting ready for winter. Bailey would go nuts :)

Nancy, OMD...I would take a squirrel over a lizard. We had one in our hotel room in Houston. Yuck!

Richard, I am glad you were not seriously hurt. I think Gail is right...those squirrels get taunting lessons early on and use them on unsuspecting Doodles and Doodle owners :) I have been pulled around so many times by Fudge and Vern I am glad someone is not filming us.

Camilla, Yes, they are stinkers :)

[Camilla and Darwin]

Aaah! Fudge and Vern, killers? 

[Gail and Bailey]

Richard....I know exactly what you mean!  Bailey almost took my arm with her on one chase! However, I now pay closer attention to the wild life when we walk!  Glad you were only embarrassed and not hurt!  

[Carol and Banjo]

Oh dear, I'm sorry Richard...but this made me laugh out loud. I'm glad you weren't hurt!!!

[Richard Crowe]

I just have to add something...  On a trip back East several years ago, I was standing in a RV park on the Mississippi River talking to another traveler.  The park was on a broad expanse of grass and I had Holly on a Flexi-lead which ( for some strange reason) I was holding behind my back.

Holly spotted a squirrel and took off at full speed after it.  I did not notice it until she had flipped me around and I was lying on the grass when she came to the end of the lead, still running after the squirrel

I paid more attention to Holly from then on.  It was kind of embarrassing for a guy in his seventies but, Holly just loved that park...

[BG and Gavin]

It is hunting season...

[Nancy, Ned, Clancy, and Charlie]

Laurie, we get lizard presents in the house.  I have almost stepped on 3 corpses - very yuck.  We are pretty sure that the culprit big game lizard hunter is Clancy.  I enjoy watching him  on the hunt OUTSIDE.

[Gail and Bailey]

Bailey loves to TRY to chase squirrels but since we do not have a fenced yard...... she either runs for them and quickly winds up at the end of her leash (while we are walking)...... OR...watches them from the window and is crazy with frustration.  

Pat.....I think that same foolish squirrel visited our house.....he was standing on his hind feet with his front feet on the glass door ...looking in!!  I am very glad Bailey was sleeping in the other room or we would not have a door now either!!  I think squirrels are given lesson on how to taunt dogs!

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Pat, I hope Trav just continues to stalk and never gets one :) It is gross. Our dogs have seemed to move on to our stone wall and a chipmunk. Our stone wall has not survived the assault. So far, the chipmunk is fine.

Jane, Too late....I have already kissed them :) I just can't resist those two. LOL

Leslie, LOL....I would love to hear the rest of this song :)

[Karen, Jasper and Jackdoodle]

LOL, Leslie, I would have known that was your work if you'd posted it anonymously.