Getting Old Ain't For Sissies!

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

I am reading the book Water for Elephants and despite the fact that some of the treatment of animals in the book is hard to read about, I really like the book.  For a long time I have considered writing a blog about volunteering at an Assisted Living Facility, and I love the descriptions in this book about how it feels to get old. Many of the seniors I have volunteered with have expressed these same sentiments to me. When I was younger, 60 and 70 seemed so old, but now I am closer to those ages than I ever will be to 20 again, so it sure doesn’t seem that old anymore.

 

When I first got a job at the place where I now volunteer, no one in my family could believe it. I am not known for my patience and I’m a major germaphobe. The only old person I spent any time around was one grandmother. Of course, I thought my parents were born old, but now I realize they were younger than I am now at many important events in my life.  The job was in the Activities Department and I would be the person taking them shopping, running Bingo, doing crafts with them, etc.  Except for the crafty part, this job was right up my alley.  In retrospect, I see I was certainly a rookie and green around the collar.  The very first night I worked alone, I made the mistake of following a woman into the restroom who I thought needed help. Since I hate to even think about bodily fluids, what I thought I could do is still a mystery to me, so when she came out of the bathroom stall and tried to hand me something, I shocked even myself when all I said was, “I am praying that is a tootsie roll.”  Lesson number one…..expect the unexpected.  

 

I think it was the second time I took a group shopping that I ran into another problem. One of the men that liked to go with me had only one arm. He had lost his arm at the shoulder and did not have great balance. I loved this guy and his sense of humor. Once a little girl came up to him at Target and asked him where his arm was and he looked all around and said, “What?? You mean my arm is gone.”  We figured out later that he needed to sit in the front passenger seat, because it was just easier for him to get up into that seat. Unfortunately, on this second trip I did not know that and as he went to get in the back, he pitched forward and somehow became wedged under the back seat and by wedged, I mean good and stuck! I had visions of me driving back to where I worked and unloading all the passengers, except for the one armed man under the seat. Well, he and I got to laughing and we worked together and after I asked him once if he thought a good goose would make a difference, we were able to get him upright on the back seat and buckled in for the ride back.  He was one of my favorites, maybe because he had a sweet tooth like I do, and I would often run through the Dairy Queen on the way home and get ice cream for all of us. I always told them what happens in the van, stays in the van.

 

Lesson number two is have a sense of humor and a thick skin. The elderly, like children, have lost their inhibitions and like to tell it like it is.  I remember one time when we were playing a game at Halloween and the residents had to take a roll of toilet paper and wrap me like a mummy.  They started wrapping from the head down and when they got to my rear end, one of the ladies said, “I think we need another roll.” My height brought lots of comments and I spent almost an entire year having one resident insist on asking me, every single time I walked by, “How is the weather up there?” and then tell me I should spit and say it was raining. I was sure that would go over big if any family members were visiting and I started randomly spitting on residents.  When I called Bingo, and the I 21 ball came up, I always yelled, “I am 21!” which was always met with cries of “You Wish and Dream On” and loud rounds of laughter.  When we moved to PA, I stopped working there, but continue to volunteer and lead Game Night. I have found that they are not always receptive to playing new games and when they mention once or twice or twenty times that the new game is dumb, I remind them that home made cookies will be served, but not until the END of the game. Yes, I bribe the elderly and am proud of it!!

 

During the Christmas holiday, I do a Holiday game night and rig the drawing so that every resident in attendance leaves with some gifts.  This is done for no other reason than I value my life.  A couple of years ago I was on a tied fleece blanket kick and must have made 80 blankets that year. My basement looked like JoAnn fabrics and I got the idea to bring a blanket in for each of my regulars.  I was so proud of myself and just sure they would go gaga over those blankets. The FIRST resident I called in the drawing took one look at the blanket I selected for her and wanted to know if I had one with PIGEONS on it. You just cannot imagine the disappointment on her face when I told her no and when she left that night, she was still saying, “I just wish it had pigeons on it.”  I laughed for three days thinking of those pigeons.  

 

Another woman came religiously to my game night every week. The entire time she was there she complained about the game, fought with everyone if she thought she had the right answer, did not like to lose, would try and stack her team for an advantage, and was irritated by every other old person around her, but each week when I would go to leave, she said the same thing, “Thank you for coming. This is my favorite activity of the whole week!”  I often wondered how she acted when she really hated something. My theory is all those annoying traits you have when you are younger, just get worse as you age. In other words, if you are competitive and think you are always right, look out to anyone who gets in your way at age 80 and I don't care what my family says, I am not talking about myself :)

 

Some weeks it is hard to drag myself into the place. It is a two hour drive (there and back) and I get tired of making cookies and playing word games.  Luckily, for the residents I have a good amount of Lutheran guilt and keep going back. I can sometimes think of a million things I would rather be doing, but then I get there and start talking to one of the residents about this or that and before you know it I am on my way home. I urge anyone who has the time and has been thinking about trying to help in some way, to find an Assisted Living place near you and try and volunteer. Most of them love animals and just want someone to visit.  It is not hard at all and what you get back far exceeds what you give. So here are the top 10 things I have learned since I started doing this in 2003….

 

1)       Everyone wants to be loved, listened to, made to feel like they matter, and respected.

2)       Romance can happen at any age.

3)       Humor helps all things.  Laugh with them, but NEVER at them!

4)       No matter what age you are, you still miss your parents when they are gone.

5)       Sometimes when the mind is gone, a touch or kind word still gets through.

6)       Be respectful of your elders.

7)       When witnessing the indignities of life, have empathy.

8)       If you think age is only a number, you are not at the right age yet.

9)       Listen and act interested, even if you have heard the story ten times before.

10)     A cookie or two never hurt anyone.

 

 

 

[Lauria Orr]

More than ever, I appreciate your blog. The tootsie roll made me laugh! My Mom sounds like the woman you referred to who was so competitive and challenging at times. I could use some help with "Sundowners"....learning new things every day! Thank you, Laurie, for a great post. Love your list of ten!

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Please re-read #6...LOL!

[FrenchPoodleDoodle]

Believe me..you will not be a burden to your children when you are old...you will be a burden to the home we put you in.. :)

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Thanks! I think that is something our country really is lacking in....helping our elderly. The cost of assisted living, etc. is astronomical and I truly don't know how anyone is going to be able to afford it in the future. Very scary! I plan on being a burden to my children...LOL. They are fighting over me as we speak...you take her, no you take her!!

[Jane, Rooney & Stuart]

Laurie - you are a real gem! 

[Hayley Arnold]

I love your top ten and they are so true. Keep up the good work!

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Thank you everyone, for all the nice comments.

[Adina P]

*Big Grin*

[Bonnie and Kona]

Bless you, Laurie. Thank you for your kind, wise and fun writing.

 

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Thanks, Carol. Welcome back to DK from your vacation. We missed you!