Hoo Hoo Is a Night Owl?? Vern, the Night Owl!!

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

First of all, before I go any farther, I want to say I love Vern.  What we don’t love is Vern’s waking and sleeping patterns.  When I first brought Fudge home, we crated her at night.  In the beginning, I made up her crate like I would have liked it, if I were sleeping in a crate.  She had blankets, cushions and a snuggle puppy inside that crate with her from day one.  All that was missing was a few magazines, the TV remote, and a computer. What I hadn’t banked on was the fact that a Labradoodle has far more hair than I do, although that could change the further along I get into menopause. One of these days, I am going to wake up looking like Fudge or Vern.  Fudge used to wake up in the middle of the night panting and hot and I know we are not supposed to humanize our dogs, but I had to sympathize with her whenever I saw her in this state. I knew just how she felt, because many a night I have stripped down to nothing and awakened my husband by crying, “Am I in hell?  It is an inferno in this bedroom!”  Usually, he takes one look at my disheveled appearance, wild eyes, red face, and state of undress and says back, “no, but I think I am,” and moves farther away. Eventually, with Fudge, I wised up and took out most of the extra stuff in her crate and some of us slept better.

 

Along comes Vern.  With Vern, I only had the bare necessities in that crate with him from day one and he still got hot every night. Eventually, we stopped crating him and he slept on our cold, wood floors in the bedroom and we confined him at night to just our room.  This worked well for a while and then Vern started getting up throughout the night and standing at the bedroom door.  We are nothing if not trainable, so once again we found ourselves opening the bedroom door and letting the dogs out, so to speak.  It was our only choice if we wanted a good night’s sleep and besides, dog training should be done with a clear head and not in a sleep deprived state when you might accidentally yell out words that rhyme with sit and then you have a whole other problem on your hands in the middle of the night.   Just so you know, we can be strict when we want to, we did tell both dogs we had better not hear any shenanigans and we meant business, and since the only thing we ever found to the contrary was the occasional remains of a stuffy toy and bones strewn about, we once again thought “problem solved” and all slept better.

 

Then the tide turned yet again with Vern.  I don’t know if it is the cold or he has decided that since Fudge comes to bed with me when I am watching TV that he wants in on the action, but now most nights before I even get in bed, I find Vern already asleep and waiting for me right smack dab in the middle of our king sized bed.  Again, my motto is, “A sleeping doodle named Vern makes for a happy owner,” so I am fine with it, but poor Fudge has decided the accommodations are getting too crowded and might try to stay up on the bed with us for a bit, but usually one too many rolls by Vern into her space and she decides any place is better than up on that bed.  I alternate between liking Vern up on the bed and thinking about making our spare bedroom into Vern’s room and decorating it with Dog Bones Wallpaper and a lock on the outside of the door to keep him it at night.

Most nights, Vern is in a state of peaceful bliss until my husband comes to bed and then he gets his second wind.  As soon as my husband’s head hits his pillow, it seems Vern concludes that it would be a much better idea for my husband to pass out belly rubs and cuddles and forego a good night’s sleep.  If the hugs and cuddles are not forthcoming, Vern usually decides that he is not going to take this lying down and stands up on the bed to alert us he will be leaving.  Unfortunately, Vern does not seem to be able to tell the difference between human body parts and the mattress when he finds his footing.  Next, begins the arduous task of getting Vern off the bed and the beginning of a nightly game Vern likes to play called, “make the humans get in and out of bed.” 

 

The problem is Vern can jump off the bed, but he seems to like encouragement.  We started out helping him down and telling him he could do it and now he is like a stage actor needing applause after every scene.  At one point, we added a treat to this ritual and in retrospect, we now think Vern once again maneuvered us like a chess player does his opponent right before checkmate.  Now, every night the scene goes like this…Vern stands on the end of the bed…husband or wife gets up to get him down…Vern lays back down…husband and wife get back into bed…Vern stands back up…husband and wife turn on each other in an attempt to get the other one to get Vern down…..someone concedes defeat and gets up to get Vern down….Vern lays back down and looks like he has all the time in the world for this fun game…..above steps repeated until husband or wife yells, “give him the treat already!!!”….loser treks to kitchen, rattles treat jar, and both Vern and Fudge come running. I swear they high five each other after we give them the treats and before you tell us that Vern is playing us, we would like to respond back, “duh?”  All that is left for him to do is wear a Charlie Sheen nightshirt that says, “Winning!” I mean, we know we are being outfoxed by a large Doodle who eats mud and goose poop, but can we really be called idiots, if we know we are being duped and in the spirit of the DK rules, please be nice.

 

After all this and one more trip outside to take care of any forgotten potty needs, we are finally ready for bed. Sometimes, Fudge sleeps with us for a while on the bed until she gets too hot and other nights; Vern decides he likes it up on the bed with us after all.  On good nights, Vern makes it all the way through until the morning.  On bad nights, I wake up to the feel of a large paw tapping on me.  This caused some confusion in the beginning, because I would automatically respond with, “Not now, I have a headache….my god, you are an animal…..please get your paws off of me….or I am praying that is the TV remote,” only to roll over and see Vern.  On these nights, I can often talk Vern back to sleep and once I told him a bedtime story about an adorable cream colored dog who ended up at the after hours drop box at the SPCA because he kept waking his owners up in the middle of the night.  Unfortunately, my point seemed to be lost on Vern because he wagged his tail through the entire story and when I was finished, gave me a wet kiss.  On other nights he wants down to sleep on the floor, or in the foyer, or maybe in his crate, and on those nights, I wait to hear a loud “ther….umph” that tells me Vern is finally down for the count and finally, we can all get some much needed rest.

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Traci, I think you jinxed me now, because Vern was sleeping all through the night and last night got up 3 times. Maggie and Vern must be related..LOL!!

[Traci -Bexter & Maggie]

OMD!  Like I said, good thing I didn't have to go to the bathroom while reading this one!  You are gifted!  I can so picture all of this happening...this is not only because you write so well, but also because it is a familiar scene at my house!  I laughed until I was literally crying!  Now I see what you mean when I told you about Maggie being a light sleeper & you replied "God help you..."  I get it!

[Jennifer,Chloe & Myla]

Such a funny picture you paint! The treat thing works with Chloe also! She's a bed hog. Poor Vern, he's just being Vern. He's smarter than he looks!

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Bonnie, I hear you loud and clear :) LOL

[Bonnie and Kona]

Just read your comment about the strict policy. Ummm... this morning I went downstairs to make coffee and found Owen on the couch in our kitchen. He is not allowed on any furniture. He just looked at me like, "What? This is the couch I get to lay on, right?" Strict policies go out the window with irresistible doodle cuteness.  Darn it, anyway.

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Lisa, Stick to your guns....LOL!! Meanwhile, Fudge and Vern say, "Poor Daisy!" They know they could teach her some new tricks.

Rose Ann, We had a strict policy too....what the heck happened?? LOL

[Lisa, Daisy & Dexter]

This is the type of story that makes me GLAD that Daisy does not like the bed, nor the furniture. I mean the few times we (i) have cajoled her into bed she has stayed no more than 1/2 an hour and off she goes, sometimes I am sad but most times I think this could be 2 dogs and the rest would be your story!

Ha!

[Rose Ann and Amante]

I am cracking up! My DH wants to know what is so funny. I tell him, his answer "that is why Amante is not allowed in our bed" I turn away saying "yeah right "! Then I ask "When are you going away again?" HEHEHE wink wink!!

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Doris, It seems I have some splainin' to do with Vern :)

[Doris]

Thanks so much for the laugh!!  A few nights ago as Bodi and I were getting into bed I 'splained to him that the bed was for sleeping!  NOT CRYING! and it is NOT BODI'S MASSAGE PARLOR!  That night he slept in his own bed! lol!