They're Back........Bathing Suits are Turning Up in the Stores Already!!

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

 

I am sorry to tell the people going on the Doodle Cruise that I just bought a bathing suit and plan on wearing it at the pool. I am giving fair warning in case some of you might want to see if you can still get a refund.  When I went in search of my new suit, my only criteria was that it fits and covers as much of my body as possible. I was hoping Lands End acted on my suggestion given in the past years and started a line of stylish wet suits, but no such luck.  I have heard a wet suit is hard to get on, but I figured there would be two of us on that cruise and one of us could pack a shoehorn.  Once on, I bet it holds everything in like you are wearing a gigantic Spanx and who cares if people are pointing at me in the pool and yelling, “what is a giant seal doing in the pool?”

 

Recently, my daughter and I went to see the movie Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close.  We really liked the movie, although after it was over, I couldn’t stop saying that phrase about everything.  While walking in the mall, we passed a woman, much older than me, wearing low cut jeans and a sweater that did not reach the top of her pants.  Let’s just say the woman did not have a six-pack, although she appeared she may have consumed several, and someone should have stopped her before she left the house in that outfit.  I told my daughter if I wanted to see all that shaking, I could just look in the mirror when we got home, and then added, “I find that outfit to be extremely awful and incredibly unflattering.”  My daughter thinks most of what I say is very stupid and this proved to be no exception, despite the fact that I pointed out how clever I was and said,  “See what I did there? I made the movie title into something else.”  I think she got that part, because she finally said, “I find my mother to be extremely annoying and incredibly irritating?”  My point is, however, that my new bathing suit is age appropriate, covers stuff it should be covering, and hopefully everyone seeing me in it will be extremely drunk and incredibly forgetful around the pool area. 

 

I admire women who go to the beach at any size, any weight, and are comfortable in their own skin.  We have all seen them. Parading up and down the beach in bikinis with no cover-ups, some looking good and some not so much.  I am not one of those people and never have been, even a few pounds ago.  I would happily jump on any bandwagon that required all women to wear a full-length cloak up until the point of entry into the water.  My sister-in-law is the same way and years ago told me that whenever anyone takes a picture of her on the beach, she tries to find someone larger to stand next to in the shot.  I made up my mind, right then and there, that if she ever sidled up to me on the beach and said, “make sure Laurie is next to me in the picture,” I was going to deck her.  Personally, I also believe that those people who bring cameras to the beach to take pictures of relatives or friends should be covered in chum and thrown out to sea. I am not completely heartless, so I amend that to say covered in SPF 15 sunscreen and pushed out to sea in a lifeboat with provisions and their camera, so they can take all the pictures they want of  “new friends” that float by with large fins. Maybe they could even find other people with cameras in lifeboats and they could all take pictures of each other.

 

Another thing I find very irritating is all the talk shows and magazines that feature segments on finding the right bathing suit to fit your body type and all the suits are being worn by models.  The pear shaped woman, the apple shaped woman, the banana shaped woman, and the hour-glass shaped woman, who they feature, all look alike to me in the pictures, so how is an apple shaped woman, who is tall like a banana, with a pear behind, and sagging melons, supposed to find a bathing suit? Just once, I would like them to take a woman that looks like me and have her model different bathing suits, so when I look in the dressing room mirror while trying on the suggested bathing suit, I don’t expect Ashton Kutcher to jump out from behind the door with a camera crew and yell, “you have just been Punk’d!” Frankly, I am not even sure I am one of those fruit shapes and when I asked my family to tell me what kind of fruit they thought I was, one of my daughters said, “is a dried prune a fruit?” and my husband said, “cake.”

 

I know it is only January, but the bathing suits are already appearing in the stores, reminding us that it is now or never to get in shape before it is too late. The hard part is over for me. The suit has been tried on and purchased. I have made peace with the fact that I will never look like Halle Berry in a bathing suit. We all know the old saying, when life hands you bikinis or bathing suits, make excuses and buy a big cover-up, and that is precisely what I plan to do.  The worst is over. Good luck to the rest of you!

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Maryann, I am glad my body is good for something....LOL!! Another nice thing about Doodles...they love us no matter what, right? I do the beach towel sarong look, too :)

[Maryann,Roo and Tigger]

Oh my goodness, your description of your body gave me such a good laugh.  I have a body shaper just like that only I am a mini banana which really crams allthose fruits into noticeable positions!  I, too, am a Lands's End swimsuit shopper.  It is so great.  I never have to try on the bathing suit and actually look at myself.  The suit arrives, I put it on in the bathroom (mirrors in there only show heads).  Then I put my sunglasses on and exit the house to swim with only Roo and Tigger.  As long as I throw the bones to fetch, they think I look awesome.

 

For those rare public occasions I have adopted the swim t-shirt and beach towel sarong look.  I wear it and carry a sign that says I get cold and sunburn easily.  I am expecting the look to catch on any day now.

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Jane, Mine is black and white on top and a black skort on bottom. Please don't be wearing the same one in a much smaller size or I will push you overboard..LOL!!! I am excited too. Have a great time in Antigua. You will think of something to get your DH to pay attention :)

Bonnie, LOL

Donna, It just goes to show you, that you and F think alike....fruit salad. Who said, "two lumps is better than one?" LOL

[Bonnie and Kona]

@Jane, When you find a miracle suit that does what it says it will do, please post! A plastic surgeon would be what I think is called for to describe a miracle on this bod. Thanks for the giggle.

[Jane, Rooney & Stuart]

Oh I forgot - what color/kind did you get?  I just got 2 new ones - wouldn't it be funny if we showed up wearing the same one? 

[Jane, Rooney & Stuart]

What timing - I had posted this comment on my facebook page a week ago.   "Bathing suit shopping - why are all the sales girls 19 yrs old and a size 0.  Hey - when you say "Miracle Suit" does that mean a plastic surgeon comes with?  Just poke my eyes out!"  LOL.  DH and I are heading to Antigua on 3/3 for my annual attempt to get my husband's attention.  It is my 3 S's vacation.  Bathing suit shopping is the WORST.  Glad the you are getting ready for our Doodle Cruise!!!!  I'm so excited.

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Katie, Another great picture!!

Nancy, Thanks for the laugh! Just keep your glasses off until you get to the car...LOL!!

[Nancy, Ned, Clancy, and Charlie]

My DH and I joined a water aerobics class since we retired.  The chlorine in the pool is so strong that I have already ruined (stretched out) my existing suits.  And, refusing to go swimsuit shopping, I went on the internet and ordered two on-sale suits.  Worked for me!  I was really concerned about how I would look in the aerobics class but found out that most of the other participants are about a hundred years old and can't see me any more than I can see them - we all take our glasses off.  Again - works for me!  Sadly, some of them haven't noticed that the chlorine has rotted their suits and when they get out of the water - TMI....

[Katie, John & Parker pup]

Yes that is me with the dolphin...I was 19 though so those were my skinny days! lol.

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Love the picture...is that you with the dolphin?? I worked retail for awhile and I bet it is a lot like that...the tourists..LOL!! Katie, you will be a beautiful bride. I have an 85 year old mother who still constantly worries about her weight...it affects her whole life, her moods, etc. I never want to be like that EVER and at age 85, I hope I can accept me for me :)