Hoo Hoo Is a Night Owl?? Vern, the Night Owl!!

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

First of all, before I go any farther, I want to say I love Vern.  What we don’t love is Vern’s waking and sleeping patterns.  When I first brought Fudge home, we crated her at night.  In the beginning, I made up her crate like I would have liked it, if I were sleeping in a crate.  She had blankets, cushions and a snuggle puppy inside that crate with her from day one.  All that was missing was a few magazines, the TV remote, and a computer. What I hadn’t banked on was the fact that a Labradoodle has far more hair than I do, although that could change the further along I get into menopause. One of these days, I am going to wake up looking like Fudge or Vern.  Fudge used to wake up in the middle of the night panting and hot and I know we are not supposed to humanize our dogs, but I had to sympathize with her whenever I saw her in this state. I knew just how she felt, because many a night I have stripped down to nothing and awakened my husband by crying, “Am I in hell?  It is an inferno in this bedroom!”  Usually, he takes one look at my disheveled appearance, wild eyes, red face, and state of undress and says back, “no, but I think I am,” and moves farther away. Eventually, with Fudge, I wised up and took out most of the extra stuff in her crate and some of us slept better.

 

Along comes Vern.  With Vern, I only had the bare necessities in that crate with him from day one and he still got hot every night. Eventually, we stopped crating him and he slept on our cold, wood floors in the bedroom and we confined him at night to just our room.  This worked well for a while and then Vern started getting up throughout the night and standing at the bedroom door.  We are nothing if not trainable, so once again we found ourselves opening the bedroom door and letting the dogs out, so to speak.  It was our only choice if we wanted a good night’s sleep and besides, dog training should be done with a clear head and not in a sleep deprived state when you might accidentally yell out words that rhyme with sit and then you have a whole other problem on your hands in the middle of the night.   Just so you know, we can be strict when we want to, we did tell both dogs we had better not hear any shenanigans and we meant business, and since the only thing we ever found to the contrary was the occasional remains of a stuffy toy and bones strewn about, we once again thought “problem solved” and all slept better.

 

Then the tide turned yet again with Vern.  I don’t know if it is the cold or he has decided that since Fudge comes to bed with me when I am watching TV that he wants in on the action, but now most nights before I even get in bed, I find Vern already asleep and waiting for me right smack dab in the middle of our king sized bed.  Again, my motto is, “A sleeping doodle named Vern makes for a happy owner,” so I am fine with it, but poor Fudge has decided the accommodations are getting too crowded and might try to stay up on the bed with us for a bit, but usually one too many rolls by Vern into her space and she decides any place is better than up on that bed.  I alternate between liking Vern up on the bed and thinking about making our spare bedroom into Vern’s room and decorating it with Dog Bones Wallpaper and a lock on the outside of the door to keep him it at night.

Most nights, Vern is in a state of peaceful bliss until my husband comes to bed and then he gets his second wind.  As soon as my husband’s head hits his pillow, it seems Vern concludes that it would be a much better idea for my husband to pass out belly rubs and cuddles and forego a good night’s sleep.  If the hugs and cuddles are not forthcoming, Vern usually decides that he is not going to take this lying down and stands up on the bed to alert us he will be leaving.  Unfortunately, Vern does not seem to be able to tell the difference between human body parts and the mattress when he finds his footing.  Next, begins the arduous task of getting Vern off the bed and the beginning of a nightly game Vern likes to play called, “make the humans get in and out of bed.” 

 

The problem is Vern can jump off the bed, but he seems to like encouragement.  We started out helping him down and telling him he could do it and now he is like a stage actor needing applause after every scene.  At one point, we added a treat to this ritual and in retrospect, we now think Vern once again maneuvered us like a chess player does his opponent right before checkmate.  Now, every night the scene goes like this…Vern stands on the end of the bed…husband or wife gets up to get him down…Vern lays back down…husband and wife get back into bed…Vern stands back up…husband and wife turn on each other in an attempt to get the other one to get Vern down…..someone concedes defeat and gets up to get Vern down….Vern lays back down and looks like he has all the time in the world for this fun game…..above steps repeated until husband or wife yells, “give him the treat already!!!”….loser treks to kitchen, rattles treat jar, and both Vern and Fudge come running. I swear they high five each other after we give them the treats and before you tell us that Vern is playing us, we would like to respond back, “duh?”  All that is left for him to do is wear a Charlie Sheen nightshirt that says, “Winning!” I mean, we know we are being outfoxed by a large Doodle who eats mud and goose poop, but can we really be called idiots, if we know we are being duped and in the spirit of the DK rules, please be nice.

 

After all this and one more trip outside to take care of any forgotten potty needs, we are finally ready for bed. Sometimes, Fudge sleeps with us for a while on the bed until she gets too hot and other nights; Vern decides he likes it up on the bed with us after all.  On good nights, Vern makes it all the way through until the morning.  On bad nights, I wake up to the feel of a large paw tapping on me.  This caused some confusion in the beginning, because I would automatically respond with, “Not now, I have a headache….my god, you are an animal…..please get your paws off of me….or I am praying that is the TV remote,” only to roll over and see Vern.  On these nights, I can often talk Vern back to sleep and once I told him a bedtime story about an adorable cream colored dog who ended up at the after hours drop box at the SPCA because he kept waking his owners up in the middle of the night.  Unfortunately, my point seemed to be lost on Vern because he wagged his tail through the entire story and when I was finished, gave me a wet kiss.  On other nights he wants down to sleep on the floor, or in the foyer, or maybe in his crate, and on those nights, I wait to hear a loud “ther….umph” that tells me Vern is finally down for the count and finally, we can all get some much needed rest.

[Karen, Jasper and Jackdoodle]

First, may I say that I love Vern, too, and I haven't even met him!

Second, There is not a 90 lb. dog alive who needs help getting down from a bed. Even if it is a loft bed. Even if it is the top bunk. Even if it is the bed from The Princess and the Pea. You and your DH are being played like a violin.

Third, I envy you. Jackdoodle is usually lying on my bed when I get in for the night. At that point, he turns and looks at me, then jumps down and settles himself on the floor. There is nothing like having your dog refuse to sleep with you to make you feel rejected, undesirable, and unloved. Count your blessings.

Fourth, thanks for starting my weekend with a laugh!

 

[Deanna & Desi & Cori]

After reading about Vern's nighttime antics, I feel the need to give Sedona some extra special treat!  She goes into her crate each night (often "asking" to go in by staring at the closed door), lays down, and remains silent until "daddy" gets up!  We hit the sleeping doodle jackpot!

Love the blog - and I expect to see pictures of Vern in his "Winning" t-shirt!!!

[Doris, Knox & Flash]

This probably doesn't surprise you, Laurie, but I happen to be a night owl too!! Vern's games would be fine with me! Pack up his things and I'll come get him!!!

[F, Calla & Luca]

I loved it. And the answer is yes, you figure out the question. Much as I love have Luca on the bed Calla is another matter. She scratches and I feel like an earthquake is imminent. She comes and goes and also sometimes steps on me--not fun. If I get up around 5 to go to the bathroom, I can't help laughing when I see her just where I know she'll be, smack dab on my pillow. Then I try to roll he or grab her collar and make her leave the bed long enough for me to slip under the covers. Once I do she bounds up and collapses on to my side. The only saving grace is I know she will be moving shortly since she is as restless as I am. I sometimes think people like Adina have the right idea, no dogs on the bed. But then I'd miss them so the answer might be yes for me too.

[Carol and Banjo]

First, before I go any further...let me just say "I love Vern too"!    Laughing out loud Laurie!   And I'm sorry to say this....but I'm glad it's you and not me!

[Jane, Guinness and Murphy]

Laurie, I'm totally exhausted just reading about your "bedtime routine".  I really, really need my sleep.  When I don't get enough I'm just useless.  So, we have the "no bed rule" here during sleeping hours.  G & M alternate between the beds on the floor in our room....they play musical beds throughout the night.  Vern is a very smart Dood!  Thanks for another fun blog.....there's never a dull moment in your life, Laurie.