I Fought the Poison Ivy, and the Poison Ivy Won!!!

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

As many of you know and have been kind enough to ask about, I have poison ivy and it has not been fun.  In the past, I had no respect for the power of this plant because I have never had poison ivy before.  As a kid, I played out all day and I am sure I came in contact with this plant many times and I guess because nothing came of it, I developed a cavalier attitude and even scoffed at anyone who tried to warn me of the dangers.  Sometimes, when we would hike, my husband would point to something and say in his most apprehensive voice, “Look out, there is poison ivy,” and I would mockingly say back, “Oh, I am shaking, I am so scared.” My husband has had poison ivy from time to time and while it looked painful and annoying, I didn’t think it was that big of a deal.  Even the one time it moved into his nether regions, I can remember firing off joke after joke about how it got there in the first place and poo pooing his sweating theory and telling him he was going to make some lucky gal a very happy woman after he showed me the swelling.  Well, I have learned my lesson the hard way.  No more jokes, no more comments like, “Big whoop, I have given birth,” when someone tells me their war story about poison ivy, no more screwing up my face in a holier than thou expression when anyone says fearfully that poison ivy is awful.

You would think I would learn my lesson. Every time I get too cocky, the universe has been there to teach me a lesson.  I guess all those years of saying, “I don’t get poison ivy,” in the same authoritative tone you might say, "not interested,” to one of those salespeople in the middle of the mall who try to ambush you with their miracle potion by running at you and saying, “may I ask you a question?”  put me on a poison ivy hit list. Most of the time I wish it were legal to smack them over the head with my Auntie Anne’s pretzel bag and say, “the answer is no and I don’t like questions when I am shopping,” and spritz them in the face with a salesperson repellent.  Well, it was just a matter of time before someone upstairs took notice and decided to shut me up once and for all and said, “let’s show the little know-it-all that all mere mortals can get Contact Dermatitis.”  Why else did the little voice in my head say, “weed, Laurie, weed,” the other day when my husband and I clearly made a pact when we moved into this house that I was interior and he was exterior and that poison ivy sure wasn’t indoors?  Believe me, when I tell you I hate yard work, so it had to be a higher power at work pulling my strings.

 

Sure I am a member of the Gardening group and I can recognize a dandelion from a rose, but for the most part when it comes to flowers and weeds I don’t know my Ash from a Hole in the Wall.  I have also heard the expression, “leaves of three, let it be,” but who has time to count leaves when you are vigorously pulling up stalks and stems willy-nilly trying to finish a boring job before Dr. Phil comes on.  I also know that most women can tell the difference between real roses and fake roses, because years ago a good friend of ours gave his wife fake roses for Valentine’s Day.  His theory was they were more economical and would last longer, but she was not impressed.  In his argument, he said to pretend they were real flowers, so she did, and about a week later threw them in the trash.  Their marriage didn’t last and ours has and all I can say is I never got fake flowers.  You do the math.  Anyways, I got off topic, but in the future, my new motto is “leaves of three, turn and flee.” 

 

Well, when my husband got home from his work conference and took one look at me, he either said, “you are a sight for sore eyes or you are such a sight, you give me sore eyes.”  I met him at the door with one swollen eye, oozing wounds over much of my extremities, a face as red as a beet, and scratch marks that looked like I had gone ten rounds with a cat and lost.   He was less impressed when I said, “wait until you see the rest of my body,” although to be honest, the canvas hadn’t changed, just the colors. The funny thing is, and I almost hate to bring this to anyone’s attention, my hands are poison ivy free and I did not use gardening gloves. 

 

On Monday, I knew I had to seek professional help and ended up having to see someone other than my usual health care professional.  He was efficient, rushed because he was behind schedule, and either had no sense of humor or thought I was an idiot.  By the time he got back into the room with me, I was all but making monkey sounds as I scratched away and it took him one look at me to diagnose me. 

Since we are going to the beach soon, I told him I needed fixed up quickly before I donned my bathing suit because cellulite, white legs, and blisters, would not be a good look for a middle aged woman on the beach and all he did was look at me.  I guess I should be thankful he did not say, “Honey, if your BMI is the same as your age do us all a favor and wear a cover-up.”  I think his discretion had something to do with those new Big HIPAA Laws.  I can hardly wait to jump into that salty ocean water and I am sure most of you will hear me yelling, "Leaves of three, why me?" at the first sting. Thankfully, the medicine the Doctor gave me seems to be helping and from now on, I am leaving the yard work to the experts, although I do have to mow the yard today.

[Karen, Jasper and Jackdoodle]

I am so sorry you were attacked by the dreaded leaves of three, but I have to admit that I did laugh out loud while reading this blog. So something good came of it after all, lol.

Glad the medicine is helping. :-)

[Jane, Guinness and Murphy]

I've never had it, but I've watched my DH with horrible cases over the years.  It was as miserable and uncomfortable as I've ever seen him.  It was finally Prednisone that helped him.  Feel better....we need more funny pontoon blogs.

[Sherri, Sophie, Winston, & Kitty]

Laurie, I'm so sorry this happend to you. You are wonderful to keep your sense of humour thorugh it all. I've never had poinson ivy and in fact, didn't even know what it looked like, despite two years of girl guides as a child. Now I know, and will be on the look out when I take the doodles trail walking this week-end!

[Doris, Knox & Flash]

I just read your response below to F regarding showering after yard work. I highly recommend a product called Zanfel. You use it in the shower and it "washes away poison ivy, oak and sumac (urushiol) from the skin AND relieves itching in 30 seconds" -- per the tube! It's a bit pricey but very effective!!

[Joanne ~ Spud*]

.... Some of those PITA brides, I was tempted to weave in PI

[Joanne ~ Spud*]

Years ago I worked in a florist. All the brides wanted ivy weaved into e Bouquets because it meant FOREVER.
So let that be another lesson. You really can't fight with that plant. It just comes back bigger and stronger and lasts forever!!!!

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Lynda, What a nightmare. All of it sounds dreadful. I do my best to avoid the sun daily. I am at that age where it is too hot for me all the time....LOL!! Thank you again for your help!!!

[Lynda Kamrath]

The first time I had internal poison oak was when I had had a case of poison oak and I went spring skiing here in California.  I was wearing shorts and got a little too much sun.  As we were driving home that evening I started barfing (repeatedly) with no reason for that type of behavior.  I got home and tucked into bed feeling like I had some type of flu.  The next morning my roommate took me to the doctor and he said, "Oh you have had poison oak!"  I told him yes, I had had it a week prior, but it was gone then.  He said it was not gone and that it had gone internal through my sweat glands.  That was when they did the 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 pills a day treatment for a week.  The second time I had it internally was in Brazil.  We were roasting cashew nuts over an open fire on the ground.   I actually made medical journals there with such a bad case, and the doctors at the hospital there told me that cashews had the same oil as poison oak or ivy.  My eyes were so swollen that I could see through the swollen tissue.  Again the 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 treatment.  The third time was right here on my own deck.  There had been a fire and the hillside with poison oak had burned.  That time, I apparently breathed in some smoke besides having the smoke on one half of my face.  I had an external rash on half my face and internal contanimation.  It is like a bad flu with vomiting, headache and even diahreah (sp?).  I don't know exactly how the oil gets into your sweat glands or into your lungs, but apparently it can.  Best advice - just avoid it if you can.

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

F, That was another lesson learned. After yard work, go in and shower and scrub thoroughly. I think that is where I went wrong. I do keep getting new spots and I have showered many times, so that is the part I do not understand.

Lynda, Thank you! I need to get some of that lotion. So far, I have eaten enough cashews in my lifetime to know I am safe with them, but thank you for the information. I am sorry you get this at all, because I truly sympathize with anyone going through this EVER. It is not fun!!  Thanks for your tips.

Doris, Thanks! I am sorry to hear you have a problem with poison ivy, too.

Joanne, LOL

F, I am glad you appreciate my humor. I wrote this at 1:30 am in the morning! Some of those doctors have a whole lot of nerve, in my opinion. I HATE my one new doctor and am planning to find a new one SOON!!  She likes to talk about D & E all the time. I prefer to live my life in denial....LOL!! See..your son learned the hard way, too....never bring attention to ourselves by saying, "we NEVER get this or that."

Traci, Thank you. Wouldn't that be nice if Fudge and Vern could be my nurses and apply my lotion and scratch my back....LOL!!

Deanna, Thank you!! I hope you never EVER get either :)

[F, Calla & Luca]

I don't think sweating from the heat could do this unless you wipe your mouth and you swallow some oil from the plant or something. The urushiol oil is the irritant and after it is washed off thoroughly the fluids from the rash or blisters is not capable of giving you a rash. Internal PI sometimes comes from inhaling smoke when PI is burned and I'm sure this is true for Poison Oak as well. Some people are foolish enough to eat the stuff to show they are resistant.