I Had a Tick in my Pants!

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

I hate ticks and as far as I can tell, they have no real purpose in life other than to gross us out.  Last week, however, I discovered the one thing they may be useful for and that would be as an icebreaker.  Say for example I walked into a party where I didn’t know anybody and wasn’t sure how to get the conversation rolling.  Well, after what happened, I could turn to the person next to me and say, “I once had a tick in my pants and that is tick spelled T-I-C-K, not T-I-C.” 

not this kind of nervous tic

Sure, I could always lead off with a compliment, but sometimes that can come across as being phony, whereas the old “tick in my pants,” statement says, “I am not just another pretty face and I’ve got something unique and interesting to tell you.”  It does what any good icebreaker should do and draws a person into the conversation.  It is actually a good thing because when it comes to stories I have been known to overuse some of my good ones until people around me start making up their own endings and twisting my words until my story makes no sense even to me.  For years, when my girls would want something or complain about their lack of funds, I would reach back into my mind’s memory file and pull out the story about how when their dad was in college, I would sometimes get paid and we would only have $3.00 to our names until next pay day once I paid our bills.  Well, the last time I told it my oldest said, “we know…we know…you worked in the red light district and only made $3.00 because the cops made you go home because they were getting so many complaints from the Johns.”  She knows darn well I worked for an insurance company and the only John that ever complained about me was the one I married.  Plus while my stories are always met with groans and “not again,” her revised stories always seem to be far more entertaining to my audience and that just burns me up.  I think I have to retire that story, but now I have a new one.

not this kind of job

Yesterday, the dogs and I went for a walk up at the park.  If you live in the part of the country that has ticks and own two woolly mammoth Doodles, you just have to get used to them.  I hate them, but in this area it comes along with having dogs.  I use a preventative and have them vaccinated for Lyme’s disease and wish I could do the same for me.  After our walk, I wanted to download my photos to my computer and went back into the bedroom where I keep the computer. Fudge tagged along beside me and opted to take a nap on our bed.  I am pretty sure I have identified the carrier since not much gets by me and Vern was not there.

Carrier is on the left

While I was working on the computer, I kept feeling an itch on my leg, but when the itch moved I knew instantly I had a tick.  Immediately my mind and body reacted with something similar to the Kübler-Ross five stages of grief hypothesis, although I adapted it to “the five stages of knowing you might have a tick in your pants.”  1) Denial-I kept telling myself it was not a tick and to remain calm.  It was probably just a loose string hanging from my pant’s seam.  2) Anger-Why me? Why can’t my dogs just sit and watch TV? Isn’t there someone more deserving of a tick in his/her pants than me? 3) Bargaining-Dear Lord, I won’t complain about bad drivers, my mother, the fact that no one ever empties the dishwasher, John’s inability to turn off a light, my weight and exercising, the fact that no one has created a no calorie food that tastes like a chocolate bar, the price of gas, what to cook for dinner, why I have to cook for dinner, someone slow in line in front of me at the grocery store, slow moving people in general, and anything else I forgot, if when I look in my pants, there is no tick.  4) Depression-I am very sad and upset about having a tick in my pants.  What’s the point of asking someone in my family to help me and take a look?  Last time, one of them yelled, “my eyes are burning, yet I can’t look away!”  5) Acceptance-Yep, I looked, it’s a tick and I can handle it, after all, I gave birth to two children and I know that tick is just moments away from booking passage on the Carnival Triumph via our toilet.

meet the SS Carnival Toilet, all passengers are ticks

The other thing about ticks is once I pull one off of my dogs or myself, for days after, the slightest touch or feeling or movement makes me feel like I am covered in ticks.  For days later, I am just moments away from stripping naked at any time if I feel like something under my clothes is not right.  I am pretty sure if it happened in a restaurant, the owners of the restaurant would not appreciate the stampede that ensued as I stood there asking fellow diners to just take a moment on their way out to let me know if they see a tick anywhere on me. 

was it something I said??

I can just hear the taunts as they go by…”lady, join a gym!  Even a tick has standards!  Finding a tick on you would be like finding a red hot in a bowl full of red Jell-O.”   Hungry people can be mean.  I am sorry, but ticks just give me the willies and it can be disturbing to other family members when they brush up against me and I start to flail and thrash about and yell like I am on an LSD trip, “Get them off of me.  They are everywhere!” only to have one of the say, “mom, it is a poppy seed that fell off your bagel.”  Poor John tried to kiss me one night and almost had to slap me to get me to stop screaming, “I just felt a tick on my lips!” Tick season also means more vacuuming for me, because I am convinced nothing could survive in my vacuum canister for more than two minutes and I just feel like I am in control of a tick destroyer machine when I turn it on. Please do not tell me they survive in the canister for x amount of days, because I will cover my ears and start humming.  Denial has always worked well for me and I am too old to change.

 

Things are slowly getting back to normal and I really am braver than I make myself sound, but I still don’t know what purpose a tick serves or who to ask for answers.

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Thanks, Adrienne!

Leslie, They serve no purpose. They must be eradicated :) Just like burpees...LOL!

Cheryl, This time of the year is the worst. Poor Finn. I am always worried about the eyes. I am glad you caught it and got rid of the little sucker :)

Pat, OMD....a lizard trumps a little ole' tick. They would have had to call 911. Yikes!

Karen, LOL...I will work on my enunciation :) You are lucky and I hope it stays that way forever. I never saw a tick when I lived in Indiana...EVER!

Bonnie, Thank you! I had to do the same for my DH....yuck. I don't remember that being in the marriage vows.

LOLJane, LOL...I just cracked up about Dave and you :) F used bad language, while I remained a lady :) LOL

Janie, LOL about slow people :) I am so impatient. I hate to say this...but, you sound a little like Vern. He always has stuff in his hair :)

Joanna, Thank you for appreciating my five stages :) OMD...about three ticks. That is gross. Poor Bender!

[F, Calla & Luca]

Laurie I am quaking with fear.

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

F, Watch your language or I will have to come visit you with a bar of soap :) LOL Oh yes, a dropped tick would not be good. They absolutely cannot climb out of toilets. I forbid it!

Colleen, I hear you! I really don't know what would be worse...ticks or fleas, but I don't want to find out :)

Camilla, LOL

Thanks, Lonnie. Hopefully it never happens to sweet Libby :)

[Leslie and Halas]

I agree- what's their purpose? I found 2 ticks Monday. One was on the floor, and one was crawling on Halas' leg. The doodle fluff makes it tough to find them, but maybe it also makes it tough for the ticks to find a good landing spot. I hope so.

[F, Calla & Luca]

Karen!!! : )

[Cheryl and Finnegan]

Laurie, count me in the "ticks freak me out" group.  Finn has never had a tick until this year - I've taken 3 off him and the groomer said she found 1 in his ear. One was crawling into his eye!!!  I water boarded that little sucker and then cremated him.  Oh I hate ticks!  I was out weeding last weekend and one hitched a ride on me. I itched for hours.  They are everywhere this year!!!

Karen's right though.  Enunciate clearly or that red light story may gain more credibility LOL   

[Pat and Traveler]

Hilarious!  I love the five stages!!  I haven't had a tick on me for a long time, and Trav has never had one.  Oh, so hope that continues!  But I did have a lizard in my pants--really!  We lived in a house that had a stone wall in the back and we'd occasionally see small lizards there.  I was sitting at my desk, the kids were outside playing, and I ran my hand down my leg and felt a lump.  I thought it was a sock--you know how the dryer does that.  But it moved!  Talk about shucking a pair of pants FAST--screaming all the while--the kids thought the whole episode was great entertainment--they'd come into the house when they heard the unearthly noises.  LOL

[Karen, Jasper and Jackdoodle]

Laurie, if you are going to go around saying " I had a tick in my pants", be sure and enunciate very clearly.

I have never seen a tick in person, let alone on my person. And I'm hoping it stays that way!

[Bonnie and Kona]

Publish, publish, publish! This is the best one yet! Oh I think I say that every time. ;o)

One morning when I went to work early, my DH stopped at my office on his way to work to have me take an embedded tick off his back. That's my worst tick story. 

[Jane, Guinness and Murphy]

Wow Laurie, I can see that you and F have some pretty strong feelings about ticks.  I must admit that one of them gave me the "dreaded Lyme Disease" a couple of years ago and since then I'm pretty freaked out by them too.  Guinness had one on his ear earlier today, and luckily Dave was right there to get it off.   Oh and the thought of one of them actually crawling around in my pants will definitely give me nightmares...I wonder what Dave will think if he wakes up to me screaming "get out of my pants"....probably not much....just another night.