I had to Fire my Assistant Photographer!

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

I have never had any interest in photography.  When my kids were younger, I was the mother at every event that never had a camera.  I just always thought I would rather live the experience than see it through the viewfinder of a camera.  When our first daughter was born I did take lots of pictures of her, but by the time the second one came along it just seemed like there were not enough hours in the day to get everything done, let alone pull out the camera and snap pictures.  At some point, I decided we at least needed one annual picture at Christmas time to showcase the girls on our annual Christmas card.  Since I had no real talent for photography, most of the setting up and staging of the photo was done by shopping until I found their perfect outfits and then bullying them on the actual day until they agreed to put on those outfits.   On picture day I ran that household like a Dictator, some used the word Tyrant, and no matter the mood of my subjects when I yelled, “smile or else,” I expected results.  I didn’t care if they were muttering, “daddy, can you find us a new mommy by next Christmas?” under their breath, as long as they were smiling.   In those days, I used to rush the film down to Wal-Mart, wait for it to be developed, and hope for the best.  Sadly, on one occasion the pictures were all terrible and I called home on a pay phone to tell John to get them back in their outfits and as he relayed the message, I could hear screams and cries for help in the background.  To this day I am not entirely sure whether it was John or the girls.

 

When I got Fudge and Vern something happened to me that no one could believe.  I started taking pictures.  I even bought a fancy camera.  On Monday, my daughter, the photographer, was off work and we agreed to go out and try to get some great pictures of the dogs.  On the ride over to the park, we had a long talk about photography and art and she informed me that I was too literal in my thinking about photos and art.  She doesn’t feel I am willing to expand my mind when it comes to art. This isn’t the first time someone in my family has accused me of not expanding my mind about one thing or another, although it would bother me more if they added most of my expansion seems to be happening in my clothes.  I got what she was saying because I do like to know what I am looking at when I see a photo or a painting.  I don’t want to interpret the artist’s meaning or try to think up something to say like, “those squiggly lines seem to represent the artist’s break from reality.” 

Frankly, if I saw the famous painting The Scream in person at some exhibit, I would probably be asked to leave because I might blurt out to the person beside me that I looked just like that when my kids used to get out their recorder to practice on when they were younger. 

It reminds me of the pictures they used to draw of me when they were first learning to draw people and I always had a big, open mouth and I never considered any of those drawings to be masterpieces.  My daughter is right.  Show me an abstract painting of a one eyed woman and I will probably tell you I saw a card up at the local Hallmark store that I didn’t understand either that had a woman with one oversized eye on her forehead that said, “that’s Cyndi with an I” and can someone tell me what that has to do with wishing someone a Happy Birthday?  So, literal Laurie it is, which brings me to the conclusion that maybe I had better just stick with photographing my dogs and working to get the best possible pictures of the things I like to see in a photo.  I have also come to the conclusion that it is literally impossible for me to photograph two dogs without an assistant to help. 

 

Because my daughter is a far better photographer than me, it is hard to have her for an assistant.  I just know while I am setting the dogs up for a pose and physically backing myself up to get both of them into the frame because I forgot I could simply adjust the lens, she is secretly thinking, “what a dumbass.”

She never actually says it, but I see the eye rolls and the shakes of her head.  I just feel like an assistant should know less than the person she is helping or at least pretend to in order to inflate the ego of the person being assisted.  Unfortunately, since I know the least of anyone in our family regarding photography, I have been unable to find the perfect helper from the applicant pool.  Sadly, the session with my daughter was cut short when one of our models ran into the lake and then rolled in leaves and we decided we did not need any more pictures showcasing a filthy dog. We also decided we get better pictures if I am her assistant and going out to lunch is more fun on her day off.

Sadly, I may be out of options, except to wing it on my own, because my other assistant and I did not fare much better last weekend.  My first mistake was taking my camera with my husband and me on our walk on a day when football was being played.  I felt rushed because someone was in a terrible hurry and kept saying he thought we were just walking the dogs and he didn’t know Olan Mills was invited. We also have different styles. On the way over in the car he tried to explain about apertures, ISO settings, and lighting, until he saw my head start to nod and he became concerned because I was driving the car.   He wants to explain everything and I just like pushing buttons and looking at the pictures and saying things like, “I just need to figure out how to get their feet (or fill in the blank) in the shot, too.”

I don’t like the expression dumb luck and he uses it a lot when I get a nice picture. 

 

Besides being rushed this weekend, I also didn’t react well to a couple of suggestions my assistant made that I felt were overstepping his bounds.  Before we even got to the location I had selected in my mind, he cautioned me to make sure I was prepared with my camera before he got the dogs posed.  Things got tense when I asked him if he thought I was an idiot and he answered differently than I had expected. 

Later when he said to make sure the lens cap was off before I took any pictures it became crystal clear to me why the first three letters in assistant happens to be a-s-s.  Finally, I decided to work with the models individually for better results and was just setting up my shot when the other model, entrusted in his care, ran by and pounced on the subject I was photographing. 

The pouncer:

The pouncee:

He stated that he was not able to get her collar on quickly enough and he was hoping this signaled an end to the session, so he could get home for the game.  I felt he left me no choice but to fire him and since he is my husband I tried to be kind when I simply stated we would no longer be working together. 

He took the news better than I expected and in fact, yelled out, “Hallelujah,” as we packed up the gear and headed for home.

P.S.  We decided to take a camera course in the Spring together. Please look for a blog soon called, “I Quit the Photography Course Because the Instructor Bugged Me.”

[Camilla and Darwin]

Laurie, I actually had a VERY good reason to be sad that day but the photo seemed to demonstrate my point pretty well so I used it. He he.

[Doris, Knox & Flash]

I see that Karen has already offered to be your assistant, but I want to throw my hat in the ring too! I know a little tiny bit about photography and think we could come up with some fantastic shots together, or at least have a great time trying. Probably the latter....

[Nancy, Ned, Clancy, and Charlie]

You know, Laurie, you just can't trust those assistants.  They can be so mouthy.   All they really want is lunch.

[F, Calla & Luca]

I finally got to this blog thank goodness. I of course thought it was wonderful. It made me feel so much better since I not only walk my dogs alone and without trouble but I also photograph my dogs alone but admittedly with much trouble. I rarely go for the fancy backdrops because it's impossible alone unless you don't care much if one or two of your dogs goes missing . The backyard it is for us!

[Bonnie and Kona]

As someone who should not be allowed to hold anyone's camera for them because I'm so bad with cameras, all I can do is applaud your excellent photography skills and efforts to improve. Honestly I haven't taken a decent photo in my life and all of them now are just with my phone. Loved your blog but truly think you are doing a great job taking pictures. You do have wonderful subjects!!! It seems you have assistants who may not have the patience one would assume would be a requirement for the position.

[Sheila & Finnley]

Laurie, you don't really need an assistant. Just keep taking those pictures of the girls. Some will be not so great and some well maybe not could be worthy to be hung in the Louver !! lol

 You always have your blog talent to fall back on. No one can ramble on blog like you !

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Ricki, Yes, that is exactly how I interpreted Jane's statement :) Finally I am getting the recognition I deserve...LOL!  Now that you mention it, that is exactly what my ass-istants are doing and they are not going to get away with it anymore. Thank you for making me see the light. I will mention you by name to both of them. LOL

[Ricki and Tara (doodle)]

Laurie, did Jane just say your photograph of Vern was GENIUS??? That's how I interpreted it!! :)

I think your ass-istants are causing you to question your abilities and capabilities. That's their ploy because deep down inside they know you are Genius Rockstar Photographer and they are fortunate to be spending time in your presence.

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Jane, You made my photograph look awesome. The water was freezing and he just ran right in. My DD is going to love that you noticed the circular pool. She will definitely NOT say you are too literal :) I only noticed Vern.

Christine, Join the group. If I can get in, anyone can :) I actually love my Canon DSLR camera so much. It surprises me every day. Thank you!!

Karen, I would love for you to be my assistant, but I can be VERY bossy :) LOL They actually have a Nikon camera that looked so simple, I was sorry it was not out when I bought my mom a camera. I think it is the S01 and really no major buttons, just point and shoot and the images were great. It is about the size of a credit card, too. Start snapping pictures of JD. You might find he is a better subject than people...LOL!!

Amy, Thank you!  OMD...I thought you were being nice right up until the end of your comment :) LOL Just you wait. The DH and I are going to start taking classes!

Lynda, We just need ear plugs and we can do whatever we want....LOL!! Thank you!!

Lisa, LOL about counting :) When I have five blogs going....feel free to say something :) I think that DK calendar is what started me on wanting great pictures versus just ok pictures. Lately it has been me taking the pictures.

For some reason, Hayley thinks going to work is more important that photographing the dogs. Very selfish :)

DJ, Thank you!! Lately it really has been me, but my DD is the one who gets the best shots.

Camilla, I see you as such a creative person and I would love to take photos with you. As long as you don't mind being bossed around we would work fine together. LOL All I want to take pictures of is dogs. Vern is a gem, but Fudge tries my patience. She looks just like you in your family picture, except Fudge doesn't ever look at the camera :) Why did you have to be such a stinker? Everyone was smiling but YOU!! 

[Jane, Guinness and Murphy]

OMD Laurie...nobody appreciates what a FABULOUS photographer you are!  That photo of Vern with the circular pool around him is brilliant!  I try to get that shot all Summer long.  It's AWESOME!  Because I've been so frustrated about not getting the shot with my own guys, I took the liberty of doing a little adjustment.