I Have it on Good Authority that Fudge and Vern are Spoiled!!

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Apparently, my dogs are spoiled.  My sister-in-law was here from Tennessee last weekend and said it quite frequently.  It started when we went out to dinner the first night she was here.  Our ritual when we leave the house is to put out peanut butter for Fudge and Vern, turn on a fan, and leave the TV on for them.  My daughter usually gets the peanut butter for the dogs and has a tendency to give them more than the recommended serving size.  Of course, on this day she served up her usual fare of peanut butter to the dogs without a care in the world regarding fat content, the fact that an “outsider” was watching, or with any consideration that if peanut butter prices go much higher we might make her get a part time job holding a Little Caesar’s $5.00 pizza sign up on the highway to pay for the next couple of jars.

My sister-in-law jumped on the chance to tell us that Weight Watchers would not approve and Fudge and Vern would be over their point limit in one day.  I mean, come on, Weight Watchers is for people and everyone knows Fudge and Vern are dogs.  Just because I made sure to leave The New Adventures of Old Christine on for them, because I know that is one of their favorite shows, does not mean they are spoiled or that I think they are humans.

 

The next day I was talking to my daughter in Oregon and told her we were eating one of my homemade chicken casseroles that night and she said, “make sure to have some Tums on hand and a back-up restaurant plan on the off chance your dinner tanks,” and then the little brat laughed.  We did have one scary moment when my sister-in-law said I should have covered the casserole while cooking because the noodles were rock hard the first time she checked on it in the oven.  I started jumping up and down and yelled, “Oh goody, now we can go out to dinner and we don’t have to eat that crappy casserole,” but then she went on and told everyone how she covered it up and thought it would be fine. WTD?  I wanted to smack her up side her head and say, “in this house, when a meal gets screwed up, no one tries to fix it, we just go out to dinner,” but I figured that casserole would speak volumes.  

 

If that wasn’t enough, my husband told me he would like a salad and I had to find the bag of Dole lettuce in the refrigerator and open it and pour it into a bowl.  Sure enough, my sister-in-law started telling us that when she makes a salad at home, she adds eggs, chicken, and other fun stuff and before I knew what hit me, my husband looked up from his salad and said, “do we have any feta cheese to add to the salad?”  This is why we do not entertain, because mediocre dinners have been fine up until this point, and I don’t want one of these Rachael Ray types coming over and telling him she adds a little Worcestershire sauce and brown sugar to her Sloppy Joes to spice them up and pretty soon, Manwich is not good enough for my specialty dish.  He is just going to be disappointed in the end.  Anyway, I knew I had to nip this in the bud and regain control of my household, so right in the middle of mixing up Fudge and Vern’s food with the sweet potato I had just lovingly baked for them, I said, “do I look like the lady behind the counter at Salad Works?” 

From the looks I got, you would have thought I was serving Fudge and Vern wine in a Waterford wine glass and caviar from my best china because my sister-in-law could not believe they were eating a sweet potato.  I tried to explain about the DoodleKisses food group, home cooking, toppings, and how fruits and vegetables are good for dogs, but she just kept shaking her head and saying, “unbelievable,” but in the same way someone says, “this jacket is going to feel tight at first, but it helps keep you very still while the doctor examines you.”

The day we took the dogs on the pontoon boat with us, everything started out great.  I had mentioned the dogs had their assigned seats, but I was willing to bend the rules for company.  Vern treated my sister-in-law like the scary Librarian we all remember from school that shushed us in the library.   When she told him to sit, Vern sat immediately and tried not to even blink his wide eyes for fear it would draw further attention.

Fudge was not as intimidated and would let her know she might consider sitting, but wanted to weigh all her other options first.  Since my sister-in-law did not want to swim anywhere if she could see any fish we drove around for a while trying to find the perfect place to anchor in the water.  I was fine with looking for a fish free zone or pretending there was one, because the day before whenever she spotted a fish, my husband would swim up behind me and pinch me and say, “looks like a Groper Fish is in the water.”  At first it was funny and I would shout, “Holy Mackerel!” when he did it, but then it started to get more annoying and finally I said, “please leave my big bass alone or I am going to start pinching your rockfish.”

Finally, we located a great spot and dropped anchor. We swam in the water and the dogs finally got the hang of the dog ramp, which made being in the water so much more enjoyable. 

My sister-in-law gets sick on the boat if we are not moving, so after swimming, we had to pull up anchor pretty quickly and hit the road, so to speak, which made it harder for me to put Fudge and Vern’s robes on them.  I was smart enough to know, however, if I said I was having trouble getting their robe belts just right with the boat moving and could we stop for a minute and really how sick could anyone get in just a couple of minutes, someone would tell everyone that my dogs are spoiled and I love them best.  It would just lead to hard feelings and I know from experience when I have said to my daughter, “that is no way to talk about your brother and sister and especially when they can hear you,” she tends to get agitated and responds back that she is a human being and they are dogs. For the sake of peace, I did the best I could with the robe belts and whispered to Fudge and Vern that I was sorry there were sick people and grumps on board who didn’t understand dog fashion.  Pictures were taken of the dogs in their robes and the word “crazy” was bandied about, and I have a feeling it will be a topic of discussion on our next family vacation.

I spend a great deal of my time on and off the boat hugging my doodles and talking to them.   I tell them all the time they are my best friends and nothing makes me happier than seeing them wag their tails in response.  Not everyone gets that, and that is fine with me.  I asked my sister-in-law several times if she wanted to throw her arms around my Doodles and be the filling in a Doodle Sandwich and all she said was, "not in this lifetime."  Don't get me wrong, she liked Fudge and Vern, but she was never going to throw her arms around them and say, "get ready for some kisses!" and smooch on them until someone in the room asked you her to stop.  Not that I know anyone who does that, but I am just giving an example to better explain their relationship. Someone said once there are people who don't like dogs, people who like dogs, and people who love dogs and then there is my category, people who cannot imagine life without a dog and are nuts/nutty about their dogs.  Not everyone wants to be the filling in a Doodle sandwich, but I do, and since Fudge and Vern belong to me that is all that counts.  Oh, and don’t tell anyone, but Fudge and Vern MAY be spoiled.

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Lori, I think we could be good friends..I love that show and all the same things...LOL!! The only thing I don't like is fixing dinner :) Spoiled...no way....everyone needs a day like that now and then. Thank you!

[Karen, Jasper and Jackdoodle]

I do not think Fudge and Vern are spoiled at all! They are very well loved. Of course, I am a member of your dog "category", too.

I think the exchange between you and the Groper Fish is one of the funniest things you have ever written! You made me laugh out loud once again.

Regarding your SIL, I personally think that anyone who knows what Weight Watchers would think about F & V's serving of peanut butter has no business giving advice about food, and I would have asked her if she would like to compare her own body fat percentage to Fudge's. Not really, but I would have been thinking it, lol.

[Lori, Rooney & Zuzu]

First of all, LOVE The New Adventures of Old Christine. I continue to happily watch every episode in syndication while I'm fixing dinner even though I must have seen them all now at least a dozen times.  So, I could totally hang out with Fudge and Vern.  I also happen to love peanut butter and think the recommended serving size is a misprint.  So, yes, I could see myself wrapped in my robe, eating peanut butter, watching old sitcoms...in fact, I think I did that yesterday. Does that make ME spoiled? I think not.

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Bonnie and Camilla, LOL!  Order your robe through Harrybarker.com :) They are cheap!

F, LOL....I do need to let everyone know that it was another sister-in-law...NOT YOU :) Of course, you would love to be a Doodle Sandwich. I knew you would like that line! Send any leftover PB this way, before my DD (your niece) has to get a second job...LOL!

Bonnie and Doris, I agree that there is no way my dogs are spoiled. Thank you!!

Deanna, I love that...."honeymoon salad." LOL  I can't wait to spoil a grandchild of my own. Thank you!

Carol, Buy a robe and we will start a group...LOL!! Vern looks very manly in his robe. I really don't know how you hoist Banjo. Fudge is only 46 pounds and no way! We are getting the hang of the boat ramp. It does take a bit to get it all hooked up. I saw an easier one on line, but over double the price. Let me know if you need any links.

[F, Calla & Luca]

Good points Becka.

[Jane, Guinness and Murphy]

Laurie, I love this blog.  You are a truly wonderful dog owner.  Today when we were walking the boys (with the trainer) we came upon a man with his three Huskies.  One of the dogs was being pulled in a large wagon, and there was a soft bed under him.  The other two were walking right by the owner's side.  We stopped to talk (and give Murph a chance to practice being non-reactive), and the man explained that the dog in the wagon was 15 years old and unable to still walk.  He said that he still wants to give him the experience of getting out with "the pack" on a beautiful day like today, so he pulls him in the wagon.  This man and his three dogs were so amazing to me....their bond and mutual respect could be felt.  I think this is the kind of commitment that true dog lovers have.  Reading your blog it made me think of this....you have it too Laurie.  It's what makes having a dog one of the most special things in this lifetime, and why we have so much trouble understanding people who think that dogs are possessions here for their individual entertainment.

[Becka]

I'm wondering who the spoiled one really is, Laurie--after all, Fudge & Vern weren't the ones who needed to swim in a fish-free zone or keep the boat moving...

[Bonnie and Kona]

No robe? My two are pacing back and forth muttering under their breath because they have no pontoon boat. Oh wait, that's me not the doodles.

[Camilla and Darwin]

Fudge and Vern are too lucky doods! Darwin is quite huffy that he doesn't have his own robe. he he

[F, Calla & Luca]

I think you needed to make it clear, not just by saying she was from Tennesee, which someone might miss, that it was you other sister in law and not me. And she is not a good authority although, of course, I am. Fudge and Vern are merely well cared for and loved, not spoiled at all IMNSHO.

Needless to say I fail to understand why you didn't have a little engine "failure" and point your SIL to the side of the boat. She could have jumped or upchucked over the side. Really!

I loved the line, "please leave my big bass alone or I am going to start pinching your rockfish."

Of course being a moderate type, my dogs have a light on a timer when I leave but no TV. They get chicken jerky pieces, which might be OK under WW, not peanut butter. But I do have lots of PB, Costco you know, and may need to start serving some : )