It's So Hard To Be Murphy

[Jane, Guinness and Murphy]

I think just about everyone knows about our journey with Murphy...the training and behavior therapy to help him manage through his reactiveness and aggression.  Well I think we're through the outward manifastation of his fear and insecurities....no more horrible barking, lunging and "freaking out" on walks when he sees other people or dogs.  Over the past few weeks we've been seeing some new behaviors that make me feel almost worse.  Murphy has now been trained to know not to "react" to other dogs, but that doesn't mean they still aren't very frightening (or if not fear whatever the intense emotion is) to him.  So now when we see another dog we pull him off to the side and allow him to look, but defer his attention to me and treats, and affection.  He does it...and he actually looks away from the other dog now on his own.  The really sad part of it all is that he's so uncomfortable that he shakes and lately he has diarrhea within a few minutes of passing the other dog.  My guy is internalizing this horribly stressful experience for him, and it makes me feel so awful.  Today was a particularly difficult day for him, and it was all about one fluffy white dog who for some reason made him very uncomfortable.  Once he saw this dog (and we worked through it without a reaction) he could never again relax for the rest of the walk.  He was totally stressed and his body was stiff so that we just took him back to the car and came home.  I really don't think there are any more new "miraculous" answers for my Murph than what we've been able to learn and implement over the past year or two....just on some days my heart breaks to see what he struggles with.  I sometimes think it would be better to just keep him home where he never is stressed, but I know that's no answer.  Just venting...

[Cheryl and Finnegan]

A double Amen, Laurie, DJ, Donna, and Jarka.  Exactly what I was thinking.  We can't see what Murphy sees in a fluffy white dog but most of us (and our dogs) have things we don't like. Murphy's come so far because of your love, patience, and training.  I really admire the work you've done with him and he's been doing great. What's clear is that he's really trying to please you and if he can overcome this, he will. If not, avoid little white dogs. Hugs to both of you.  

[Nancy, Ned, Clancy, and Charlie]

Jane, I am so sorry for you stressing over Murphy's stress. Don't despair. You are my HERO and don't forget it.  The progress you have made with Murphy is amazing and puts us mere mortals to shame - truly.  Murphy would probably not be here at all or be someone's ignored backyard dog if he weren't yours. 

Here are my thoughts.  Murphy may just need to keep on, keeping on, and perhaps with MORE exposure to white dogs etc., he will become  even stronger - perhaps this anxiety is just a step in the process.  Or perhaps, you need to give meds a second look to help him over this fear - like you did previously.  Or perhaps, you should just accept that certain things bother Murph and try to limit those few things while continuing his other training.   I think Murphy is 99% perfect dream dog.  My guys are so far below Murphy's skills and experiences.

[Karen, Jasper and Jackdoodle]

My heart's breaking right along with yours, my friend. I think there are some wonderful words of wisdom in the responses here. Me, I just have a big virtual hug for you and Murph. Tomorrow will be better. :-)

[Christine & Camus]

Jane, I'm sorry to hear that poor Murphy is still so stressed. I had a dog, her name was Roxanne, I may have mentioned her in one of your earlier posts.  She became so stressed that I use to say he was like a stable bound horse.  I did give in during her last few years and let her stay at home. She was so fearful on walks it was unbearable for me to put her through the experience.  The good news was she was very happy at home. All I wanted was for her to be as happy and comfortable as possible and if it meant no walks - so be it.

[Jarka, Monty & Auggie]

Amen to that, Laurie. He does great 99% of the time thanks to Jane.  We all have our limits and if white fluffy dogs are it for Murph, that's the way it is. You can't have it all. I know he is a happier dog thanks to all the training and patience he got. So no worries.

[Donna K & Quincy]

Jane, I know you are hurting for Murphy and we are hurting along with you. You and Murphy have come so far so don't be too discouraged. Maybe, as much as you can, keeping him from situations that stress him will make you both happier.  I've had a giant soft spot for Murphy since day one when you brought that little ball of fluff home. You have my utmost admiration and respect for everything you have done to help Murphy. Hugs to you both and prayers that you find an answer. 

[DJ & Chance]

Oh, Murphy, and I know he tries so very hard and has made so much progress.  Ultimately, there may be situations that he will never be comfortable with, such as fluffy white dogs.  Give that guy a hug for me.

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Jane, I had already signed off, but couldn't sleep thinking about Murphy, and signed back on because I thought of more to say. Here is what I think. Murphy goes to doggie daycare and does great. Murphy has gotten so much better with Tim and his friends. Murphy has improved drastically on vacation from what he was like just last year. Maybe for Murphy, that has to be enough. I have a friend who can't drive over bridges. In fact, they just did a story on the news this week about a guy who takes people back and forth over one of our big bridges for his job. He drives people that can't drive themselves back and forth over a bridge all day long. These people could be lovely individuals, but they have this limitation in their life. We all have something that we are uncomfortable with or something that may hold us back. Most of us can avoid those things just because we can. Maybe Murphy is letting you know that he is trying his best, but he just can't like everything. I'm with Murphy on not liking everything. I think that is reasonable and no reflection on your training. It is what it is and in my opinion, if white fluffy dogs get on his nerves, walk the other way and forget about it. If he gets along with Guinness, Tim, Dave, you, your family, and dogs at doggie daycare, he sounds just about perfect to me :) White, fluffy dogs can be highly overrated :) LOL Ok, that is all. I can sleep now. Hugs to all of you!

[Jarka, Monty & Auggie]

Stella, I think Jane tried it all, and in fact, did an awesome job with Murphy. Jane, I think this just shows that poor Murph still has all the emotions trapped inside him and does not know how to release them safely. I know this is a really hard process since I'm dealing with a reactive dog myself. But you are way ahead of me with overcoming the fears/aggression and I look up to you as a trainer. I have no advice other than don't get discouraged. You helped Murphy a LOT, this might be just another step that he needs to take and he needs you to help him deal with it. Hugs to both of you, think about all the progress Murphy has made in the last years.

[Kyoko]

Poor poor Murph..... It is sad that he has somatic symptom from the stress and trying to be "good".... :-( 

You have been working so hard and consistently with Murph and it must be difficult to see him still struggle....Charlie is like that on some walks... once something gets to her, her thresh level gets so high, it is hard to bring it down. Then, everything starts to bother her....I think there once was a discussion in anxiety group about similarity with autism. I really feel like Charlie views the world differently that other dogs, say Pinot. A lot of things bothers her and make her stress level goes up. What I have been doing is that, before we go on the regular 4 mile walk, I first let them off leash in large field area and just let them run and run, play fetch, etc,,, Once she had enough fun and is tired a bit,  she seems to be less bothered by things, dogs and people... I always feel that I am glad that she is my baby, because I don't think many people can put up with these type of behavioral difficulties, and if she was surrendered, she would totally fail the behavior test at the shelter and will be a good candidate for "not adoptable" = euthanized. I think you were trusted to be a good mom, the Murph was meant to be your baby....