Life's A Beach, Part Two! (Grab a Cup of Coffee...This is a Long One)

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Our beach vacation is over and we are sad.  I always love to come home to my dogs, but our family time has become less and less over the years and the changes in all of the kids were just amazing.  One of the nephews grew eight inches in one year and now has a much deeper voice than I remember.  Another nephew starts medical school at Duke soon and we have two more weddings in 2014. I also noticed a few of them were less diplomatic than last year when I asked them if they wanted to see a bikini picture of me or two hundred or more shots of Fudge and Vern. Brats, I tell you!

I have been told by John’s siblings to stop saying we are now those old aunt and uncles that attended all of our weddings, but when I do the math in my head and start adding the years to my age as to what I will be when some of these kids graduate high school, I don’t care for the total sum. I no longer even attempt to play tennis with most of them and I quickly found out that trash talking and poor sportsmanship like behavior does not increase your skill level when challenging others to a game of Cornhole.

It just made me feel better to puff out my chest and say something like,  “Don’t go crying to your mama when I kick your arse,” I also was not in the least bit embarrassed that my eleven year old niece and I decided, upon sensing defeat, that instead of aiming for the hole with our corn filled squares we would try and hit our opponents. I wasn’t even allowed at the nightly Euchre table because I had not played in years and years and I felt like the kid nobody picked for their sport's team. One nephew had the audacity to tell me that there were no bowers in a Euchre game, but instead they were called bowsers, just to see if I was dumb enough to believe him. I wasn’t, but I did like saying, “come on, let me play, I know all about bowsers,” to one of the professional players just to see his dumbfounded face.

The one thing I was allowed to play was Bingo, but only because I organize it every year and bring all the Bingo prizes. 

Yep, except for the kid, these are all prizes!

Over the years the prizes have become more elaborate and I search all year for bargains.  Remember, this is a tough crowd filled with all ages. I guess I could use some sort of inventory system because when I went to collect all the prizes this year, I had two filled to the brim, extra large, plastic bins of them. Last year we had a couple of newcomers to the family beach vacation and when they heard we were playing Bingo probably thought it was going to be one of those run of the mill Bingo games that most men hate.  What they did not know is I cater to my audience and this audience likes inappropriate prizes like naughty Joe Boxer underwear and T-shirts that say something about your bass or wiener. It only took a few prizes and the newbies became converts and this year I scored even bigger with tattoo sleeves and bikini and muscle shirt cover-ups. The men's muscle shirt cover-ups also sported nipple rings, which I felt added a nice touch.  Nothing makes me prouder than to see an in-law sporting the I Love Intercourse shirt, a niece wearing the Fudge and Vern cruise shirt, or a nephew wearing the Stop Staring at my Bass sweatshirt and find out it is their favorite article of clothing to put on in a pinch. The only glitch was when the medical school bound nephew got confused and asked if I had said D56 or G56 and I had to explain to him that the game was called B-I-N-G-O and even though I was not headed to medical school, I was pretty sure even if I was a Bingo virgin I could figure out the answer just from the spelling of the game.

 

I realize over the years I have gained a reputation of being extremely competitive and I am certainly not the only one at this gathering, but this Bingo is different. No one stepped on fingers so they couldn’t be used to place a Bingo marker over their free space square or screamed, “I was only one away when you yelled Bingo and now you will pay with your life,” or threw stuff or cried when they lost.  First of all, when we got out the Bingo game, we were missing two balls and when I made the announcement it led to comments about how odd it was that John was also missing two balls and the fact that they seemed to go missing shortly after we said, “I do.”  I can’t be sure, but I think John was the one who started the rumor. During the game, I kept dropping more of the balls and saying, “I hate when that happens,” and finally, I just asked players to shout out the numbers they needed and coincidentally, those numbers were almost always called next.  Usually, I tell them if they shout out compliments to the Bingo caller and use words like skinny, beautiful, or small, they will for sure win, but I forgot this time. Also, the rules clearly stated they were not allowed to yell, “Shake your balls,” at any time to the caller, or since we did not have all the balls to begin with, anything about shaking the balls I had or John’s lost balls. For the most part, they did listen, although I think John yelled out once from the back of the room, “I want my balls back,” but the room was buzzing with excitement so I can’t be sure. 

I ended the whole thing after just a few games and then told them all to just come and get their prizes and sat back and watched as the group swarmed the front and made mincemeat out of the prize table.

For the rest of the night we had men and women sporting tattoos up their arms, muscle shirts, and sexy bikini and lingerie cover-ups.

My niece wore this every day to the beach!

My one nephew spent the rest of the week walking around in his muscle shirt and tattoo sleeves and coming up to me and asking if next year I could make sure he got a muscle shirt.  I fell for it once and then started saying why did he even need one. He even shaved to get just the right look and sported some fancy shades.

A mother and her children....need I say more!

We took family shots with everyone dressed inappropriately and I suggested the pictures could be made into Holiday cards later in the year or the shot of my niece biting the nipple ring on her fiancé’s muscle shirt would make a lovely Save the Date for their future wedding. 

I had to ask the youngsters to close their eyes! Can you see he is thinking about maybe not marrying into this family?

All of these kids have been raised by good Catholics and their Lutheran raised Aunt Laurie always yells out, “CHURCH,” when the question comes up about where they should wear their shirts.  Hey, I bet those nuns would get a kick out of it and since lots of Bingos are played in the meeting halls at a Catholic church, when they are asked where they got those shirts, all they have to say is, “I won it at Bingo!”  The interesting part is, as I egged their children on, most of the parent’s just laughed.  We did strongly discourage anyone who won the “My wiener does tricks,” shirt NOT to wear it to the arcade.

This is the sister-in-law I play "I got you last," with....I see some blackmail in her future!

We did lots of other stuff all week besides the annual Bingo game. We swam in the ocean, sunbathed, shopped in Myrtle Beach, and we were “this close,” to going to a movie, but most of us were too lazy to make the effort.  I did watch a movie with my college aged nephew and my eleven year old niece one night.  The nephew tried to back out of the room when he found out it was a “chick flick,” but my niece can get almost anyone to do anything by turning her pleading eyes upon you and saying sweetly over and over again, “please, it will be fun.”

I ended up in the ocean many times after she worked her magic on me.  What it seemed we did most of all is eat.  I came to the beach with two batches of cookies and another sister-in-law brought her world famous Special K Bars, banana bread, and zucchini bread.  It was all gone by Monday.  During the week I baked three more batches of cookies and my sister-in-law made four more batches of Special K bars, two 9x13 pans of Oreo delight, one batch of chocolate chip cookies, and brownies.  John took to calling the Special K Bars crack and it was obvious we had some crack addicts.  I think the Lord knew what he was doing when he gave me girls, because those teenage and college aged boys can eat.  I cooked more on vacation than I do at home, including four pans of Lasagna and Taco Salad.  I guess I was afraid what would happen if I had to turn to those kids one night and announce we were out of food.  An angry, hungry mob and an aunt with a meaty thigh could be a deadly combination and I did not want to risk it.

My sister-in-law also decided to use those boys for some cheap labor and we moved furniture around one day to make room for a larger TV.  My sister-in-law’s husband was fine with the bigger TV, but when all the other women started talking about what kind of furniture would be best for so many people and how we could rearrange the room if we just had a sectional, he had to go into the other room.  He said he could sense a shopping frenzy coming on with his wife leading the pack.  I graciously offered to take her credit card and do the furniture shopping myself, but it never happened.  Two nephews mowed their lawn and helped kill a snake that slithered out of the tall grass.  It gave me great pause to use the outdoor shower after that, and I did warn people that if I saw a snake while in the shower, they were going to see something far worse when I bolted out of the shower buck-naked.

I could go on and on about our week, but I think the neatest thing of all is how well everyone gets along and then there is this fact.   John’s dad was a schoolteacher and education was very important to him.  So far, every single one of our children has a college degree and we have turned out one PhD, a lawyer, a photographer and every thing in between.  My nephew is on his way to Duke Medical School and scored in the top 1% of his MCAT.  Another nephew is going to be a pediatrician.  Yes, I am bragging, but I think this is an amazing legacy to John’s dad and know he would be so proud.  Not only are they smart, they are fun and nice.  I even caught my one nephew who is going through his “these people are not as interesting as my electronic gadgets” phase asking to hold the newest baby and commenting to the dad that he did a good job and smiling as he bounced the little one on his lap.  I had to laugh when the dad, my niece’s husband and a first time beach comer, said, “being a parent is the best thing I ever did.  Even when it sucks, it is awesome.”  I can see those words monogrammed on a pillow for future parents everywhere. Clearly, we are a deep crowd.  We also played a game where you had to say what animal you wanted to be and of course, I said I wanted to be a Doodle which got a big laugh, and then my niece added, “I want to be one of YOUR Doodles,” and her answer clearly topped mine.

All good things must come to an end and we arrived home on Saturday to two excited Doodles.  The dogs were outside when we pulled up the driveway and Fudge danced on her hind legs and banged on the gate to get to us faster.  Vern “woo woo wooed,” all over the place and then tried to play, “Keep Fudge away from mom and dad,” until Fudge let him know the game was over.  Nothing makes me happier than to come home to these dogs and I missed them terribly.  I was back in the bedroom talking to them and I guess I said too loudly, “Fudge and Vern, you are the best things about coming home,” because I heard my daughter yell, “hey, what about me?”  Oops!

More pictures! Just so you know...the one shirt says, "Let's Eat Kids! Let's Eat, Kids! Punctuation saves lives!"

This niece pretended to be taking a shower until most of the pictures were taken.

Most of our group!

Lastly, I forced my nieces to help me on a photo shoot using a white scarf. We did these leaps over and over again! What great sports they were to help their aunt!

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Cathy, No single men in this group :) LOL I did give away some leftover Fudge and Vern cruise shirts. I passed those out on the Doodle cruise and everyone was just thrilled...wink, wink :) Of course, I love your idea. There can never be enough Fudge and Vern shirts :)

Jennifer, Thank you! I would have made sure you won a bikini T-shirt cover up :)

[Jennifer,Chloe & Myla]

Wow! I would even play bingo with all those prizes! Looks like a blast to be at the beach with this bunch!(no wonder you had no room in the car!)

Nothing but smiles-awesome pictures!

[Cathy, Fozzie & Shaggy]

Lori, thanks for sharing your vacation! I was going to ask about any single 40ish men in the family but after reading all the comments I see you don't, bummer!! Oh well, I'll have to continue to enjoy your family through your blogs:-))
For next years bingo prizes, how about some creative Vern & Fudge photos on the shirts for everyone to wear? I'm sure you have a few (hundred) to pick from. A group photo with everyone sporting your doodle's faces would be something! It might feel almost as if they were there with you!:-)).

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Thanks, Linda and Linda :)

Lisa, Thank you! LOL...I wish we could do this vacation again very soon :)

Christine, Thank you!

Bonnie, Thank you!

Nancy, I truly don't know if Fudge and Vern would like the heat and I don't think Vern would like all the chaos. We often talk about renting a house that allows dogs, but they love our dog sitter and seem to do fine. My nieces were very good sports.

Rodney, Thank you! No party poopers in this group :) Have a wonderful Disney trip!

[Linda, Webber and Seda]

Great blog about a fabulous family vacation. How lucky are you?!!! And how lucky are they to have you.

[Lisa, Daisy & Dexter]

Laurie, this makes me miss my family or is it, Laurie this makes me miss YOUR family.

What a wonderful tradition and so much love...awesome, even without the doodles.

[Christine & Shelby]

Such a great blog Laurie!!!! Loved it! Amazing family.... You are so blessed!

[Bonnie and Kona]

What an amazing week and an amazing family. I'm so happy you had so much fun.

[Nancy, Ned, Clancy, and Charlie]

Oh, Laurie, you have one fabulous family. You have the right to brag.  It looks like you all had the most wonderful time.  It only could have been topped by Fudge and Vern joining in the fun - maybe next year a Bingo prize is time with Fudge and Vern - you would have 24/7 dog-sitting coverage!  Thank you for sharing.  I love the cover-ups!  your shots of your nieces with the scarf must have been a very fun photo shoot.

[a.k.a. Rodney]

Great stuff...enjoyed the blog. Thanks for virtually or digitally taking us along on your family vacation. I can only imagine how much laughter & good wholesome fun you all had. It appears you didn't have a "party pooper" in the bunch!! How nice is that!? We are taking 17 people to Disney in Oct for my DH really BIG bday..if everyone gets along half as well..ill be sooo happy!! However, there will be No Bingo, no home baked goodies & definitely no "crack bars"....wish me luck!!