MUST LOVE DOGS!!! My Best (Mature) Dating Advice!!

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

We have two daughters.  One is married and one is not married.  Before we got Fudge and Vern, when one of them went out on a date, we asked all the usual parent questions……is he nice?...does he have a job?...does he believe in supporting parents in their later years?....is he a good driver?”  After we got Fudge and Vern, my first question now is, "Does he like dogs and have a sense of humor?"  I also think I did a pretty good job of talking to my daughters about sex and tried my best to instill good values in both of them.  Every chance I got I told both of them to abstain until after they were married and even then, wait a couple of years and make sure it was going to work out between them. They usually countered with, “is that what you and dad did?” and I always said, “no, and look what happened to us.”   I considered this teaching method to be sort of like a “Scared Straight,” program.

Well, times have changed and I hate to sound like an old fogie, but I am glad my dating years are behind me.  I am finding with my daughter and some friends that the expression, “you have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince,” is truer now than ever.  There just seems to be so many more frogs out there. 

In my day, we didn’t have the Internet or texting and yes we did have phones, but I grew up with a party line and I can’t tell you how many times I picked up the phone to make a call and our old lady neighbor would already be on it and in no hurry to hang up.  My biggest problem was getting a line to dial out with and I can tell you from experience that old people do not like when you say, “geez, how much longer can you talk about bunions?” after you have tried to get a dial tone for over an hour.  Nowadays, it is so much easier to get in contact with people and there are so many ways to say things to people behind the veil of texting and emails, rather than face-to-face, that people are more inclined to be bolder.

Recently, I know someone who went out on a date with a guy who seemed very nice right up until she read on his Internet profile that he would be interested in a threesome. WTD!! When she told me about the threesome, I said, “blind mice…monkeys….peas…sides of a triangle…amigos…tennis balls…wheels on a tricycle…or 3 Dog Night?”  She didn’t know who 3 Dog Night was, but she said of all my choices, she thought I was getting warmer when I mentioned balls. 

I don’t remember Mary Richards having this problem and the only riveting revelation I found out about my husband after one date was that he liked Jujyfruits at the movies.  Have times really changed this much?  To be honest, when I first started having kids, I did dream about a threesome, but usually she looked like Alice from The Brady Bunch and she did all the cooking and cleaning. I guess if she wanted to share in my husband's affections and leave me out of it and could still make those bottles and do the night feedings, who is to say the choice I would have made in my tired state. Pride can always take one night off, but that was all just a young, exhausted mother's dream, because the only threesome my husband and I have ever discussed is which Charlie’s Angels was our favorite and for the record, my husband first said his favorite was the one with the big teeth, although when I said, “which one had big teeth?” he responded with, “who said anything about teeth?”  He liked Kate Jackson, but I had to go with Farrah Fawcett because I loved her hair.  

So, you might be asking yourself why an old married woman thinks she can give dating advice and I would be more than happy to supply you with my kid’s emails so they can back me up on the fact that lack of knowledge about the subject matter has never once stopped me from giving unsolicited advice.  My motto about giving advice is try, try, and try again, and if at first they don’t listen, talk louder and keep repeating yourself.   You would be surprised at how many times the person you are trying to help finally caves and says, “if I promise to take your ridiculous and stupid advice, will you shut up and go away?” and, after all, that is all I wanted in the first place was acknowledgement that I had been heard.  Here it is, my tip of the day and it is a doozy.   The first question you should ask any prospective suitor is, “Do you love dogs?”   If they say no, arrivederci, baby!  Now, I guess there might be some exceptions to this rule, but for the most part, this is going to save you time.  My daughter started dating a man who wasn’t head over heels in love with dogs, but after she got her hands on him and applied her relentless, badgering techniques that I am all to familiar with, they are now married and have two dogs.  I have actually seen him post a picture of one of his dogs on Facebook and caption it, “Who’s Your Daddy?”  So, I guess I should amend my original statement to say he or she must love dogs or be involved with a person who could persuade the Pope to convert to Lutheranism or Judaism.

My youngest sister-in-law grew up with four older brothers and bringing a date home to her house had to have been a nightmare for her.  I remember one date when she was in college and she grilled her brothers for hours about what they could and could not do when her date got to the house.  My initiation with the same brothers happened when I was invited over to dinner and the youngest brother asked me to pull his finger during dinner.  I grew up with sisters and we did not play that game, so I pulled his finger and he was able to muster up a doozy, I laughed, and his dad almost killed him. 

I won’t even tell you about another brother’s date who on her first visit with the brothers, ended up hyperventilating into a bag after a rousing conversation about skid marks on underwear.  So, my husband’s sister was wise to try and coach her brothers, but what she didn’t count on was the family dog who had a strong propensity to greet all newcomers by placing his entire nose into the newcomer’s crotch area.  Unfortunately, no one warned this new guy and when the dog greeted him, everyone burst out laughing at his expense, and someone said, “well, to be fair, you never said anything about the dog,” and I believe that was the last time we ever saw that guy.  I think that dog did my sister-in-law a favor because if you can’t recover from something like that and turn to the dog and say, “hey, you haven’t even bought me dinner yet,” who wants to end up with that guy around the dinner table at all the family Holidays.

Sure, there are other traits you want to look for in a partner, but loving dogs should be high on the list, especially if you are a dog lover.  It just makes life easier if you know you are going to want to have a dog.  So, when you are filling out your checklist for a prospective mate, must love dogs should be somewhere on that list. The other night, I peeked out the door when my husband was taking the dogs out and he was bent over Vern giving him a hug.  I was seventeen when I met him and no one told me to ask, “Do you like dogs?” but somehow, the universe was looking out for me. 

[Linda, Webber and Seda]

Great blog, Laurie...as always.  I remember the party line too...and my first phone number that we had to give to the operator if we were calling home.  I remember when we got "a private line" to avoid the party line issues.  Things have really changed from then to my iphone.

[F, Calla & Luca]

I love your take on dating and so does Luca : )

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Donna, I think we are dating ourselves :) I always tell my husband when I come back in my next life, I am going to be the husband...LOL! How did we spend all those years without texting, cellphones, IPads, etc.? Loved your photo!!

[Donna K & Quincy]

Sad to say but I remember our first phone being a party line. As usual Laurie I love your blog and yes the dating world has gone straight to hell. I often joke that the next time I get married I am getting a wife. To put things in perspective on the party line, this is part of a conversation I overheard while out to dinner recently. Direct quote from a twenty something, said like it was the most profound thing, " I remember when there weren't any cell phones".

This sums up my take on the dating game.

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Traci, I agree....LOL!!

[Traci -Bexter & Maggie]

I agree that a guy who loves dogs is a MUST!  Darn it, you can bend on some less important things, like how much money he makes or where he went to college, but he MUST love dogs!  What kind of guy doesn't?  WTD?

[F, Calla & Luca]

I worked at AT and T's long lines when I was in HS and then on the switchboard at the Dept. of Parks in NYC a couple of summers.

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

F, Uh oh...I am not much of a plant lover, but only because I lack a green thumb. I also worked at a small paging company and actually worked a switchboard. One of my first full time jobs. LOL Thanks about the teeth line :)

Lisa, Daisy the Gooser.....Vern and Daisy would be a pair :) 18 dogs...OMD....at least, it is not 18 kids...LOL!

Bonnie, You summed that up perfectly :) I am glad your DH and you are now on the same page!! LOL

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Lori, Thanks! Yes, we had a party line all the while I was growing up and I think I might have been one of the last people to get a cell phone :) I think it applies to both sexes. Let me know what your son thinks...LOL!! I only have daughters! They do love our advice :)

Karen, Thank you!!

Jane, OMD...a puppy on your honeymoon. Are they still your friends? LOL

GBK, My husband loves our dogs and they are gaga over him :) I loved your comment. Thank you!

Kaytlin, Thank you! We do have a cat and my husband is very kind to her, although he did not want any cats. The cat loves him, too!!

Jennifer, I am so glad your DH came over to the dog side.....LOL :)

Camilla, Sounds like my son-in-law :) Sometimes, they just need that woman pushing them :)

Carol, I am glad to hear I am not the only one who can't hear people talking on a cell phone. Sometimes, I just want to hang up...LOL!!

Pam, Tell Ginger to keep working her magic on him and maybe he will wise up :) Good luck!!

Allyson, Thank you so much!! Your DH is going to make a great daddy!

[Lori, Rooney & Zuzu]

A party line- I love it! I'm pretty sure my kids would have NO idea what that was and would be horrified if I explained it. Yes, these kids who can have 645 friends on Facebook but would be shocked to think someone else might share your phone line.

I like this. I'm wondering if this would be equally applicable for young men looking for the right young lady? I'm thinking a girl who loves dogs also already infinitely more positive character qualities than one who doesn't. Not least of all is an appropriate sense of vanity since you can't be too fussy if you are going to allow dog hair and slobber into your life. I think I will run this advice by my 17 year old son and see what he thinks. :) He is always so excited when I want to offer dating advice!