My Husband Has a New Girlfriend! Her Name is iPad 2!!

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Well, Christmas is over in our house for another year and this year, I made a big mistake.  The girls and I chipped in together and got my husband an iPad 2 or as my mother said, “some new fangled thing that she will never understand.” 

From the moment he opened that gift, I have come to understand what it must feel like to be one of the first three wives on the show Sister Wives when the newer, younger, more attractive, fourth wife showed up to vie for their husband’s attention.  Sure, it might have seemed like a good idea at the time and then reality sets in and you realize that younger model is getting all the attention you spent years earning.  This is exactly what happened to me as I got caught up in Black Friday madness and didn’t really think it all through.

This little gadget is advertised as being amazingly thin and light and packed with so many features it is hard to put down. It also offers a powerful performance that keeps on going.  As far as I am concerned, it sounds like a trophy wife to me and I pushed my husband right into her playful applications. 

I am not selling myself short, but I did once ask my husband if he thought of me as his trophy wife and he started laughing and wanted to know what kind of contest he had won.  Apple also says the iPad gets better with every app and there are over 140,000 apps available.  We have been married for a very long time and the last time I was brave enough to look down in the shower “better” was not the first adjective I came up with to describe what I saw and the only thing I have 140,000 of is hot flashes and mood swings and that is on a good day.  So, there is really no way I can compete with anything that offers that much fun and stimulation. 

 

My biggest regret was that I gave it to him on Christmas Eve and his fascination with his new gift caused him to miss most of what was happening on Christmas Day.  While the rest of us were excitedly exchanging gifts and oohing and aahing over our stuff, he was sitting in his recliner gazing at his new girlfriend.  He missed the moment when I handed my daughter and son-in-law a specially wrapped package and told them it was their big gift and it turned out to be the Doodle Calendar.  The first Christmas our son-in-law spent with us I asked him for his Christmas wish list and I knew right away I did not raise him when the list contained 4 items totaling $20.  My oldest daughter’s list resembles a Congressman’s expense account and she thinks unlimited funds are available to meet her demands. I have tried explaining on Christmas morning that Santa wants to retire before age 80 and Mrs. Claus has needs too, but all she says is, “I am ready for my next gift, please.  We can chit chat later.”  

 

It turns out, people who are expecting great things when they hear the words, “big gift!” can feel slightly misled when they open a Doodle calendar. I, myself, do not feel I misrepresented, and when I asked my husband to back me up on this point, I could tell by his confused look that he missed the whole calendar debacle that unfolded right before his eyes.  He did add, though, that his iPad had the ability to sync multiple calendars, which caused my mom to mention for the 50^th time that she was too old to understand all this “new stuff” and hoped the good Lord took her soon and me to ask him if his new toy also had the ability to sync human affection or predict whether or not his love life was going to take a big hit if he sync’d one more thing during Christmas. He said to hold on while he checked for that application.  

 

We are boring people and on New Year’s Eve you will always find us at home. Each year it seems we go out earlier and earlier and this year it was for breakfast. Our biggest tradition is that we say every year to our daughters that we are staying in and hoping some balls drop around here and they say back, “gross.” Some years, I have fallen asleep before the clock strikes midnight, but this year, I was awake and that was partly due to Vern who thought the fireworks outside meant he should jump on and off the bed and alert me to the noises outside.  He is very thoughtful that way. I wanted Vern to see that there was nothing to fear, so we all went outside to watch the fireworks. There were amazing displays all around us and I looked over at my husband only to see that he was missing everything lighting up around us, including Vern playing his own version of Freeze Tag whenever a loud boom went off, because he was holding his iPad in the air towards the sky.  Apparently, he was trying out a new application called Night Sky that makes it easy to identify the planets and constellations.  So, as the dogs and I were ringing in the New Year in the traditional way, he was announcing that he had just found Jupiter.  I couldn’t resist when I answered back, “Happy New Year!  Now, try and find Uranus next."

 

I guess I have to take full responsibility for giving him the means to “check out” from time to time with life around him.  I mean, who wouldn’t want a partner/friend that comes with a mute button and an on/off switch.  Think of the possibilities.  Meanwhile, he has just purchased a set of earphones and I have to be careful that he isn’t wearing them when I go to tell him a story.  After all, I know he doesn’t want to miss out on everything.

 

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Linda, Thank you! I got a Kindle from my daughter and I downloaded my first book last night. My husband is cheating on his Kindle with his iPad 2, but neither of us have the Kindle Fire. My DD and SIL got one and seem to love it. I can't wait to use mine.

Denise, I love that...the obedient man...LOL :)

Kaytlin, Thank you for those kind words. I am glad you like them :)

[Nicky, Riley & Boris]

Im seriously lusting after one of those new girlfriend pad things too!  Love this blog...

[BG and Gavin]

Gee Laurie, I thought I recognized you in that beach picture.  Lilac is your colour!

[Doris, Knox & Flash]

Laurie, we are skiing in Steamboat and here I sit, reading your blog! What's wrong with me???

[Karen, Jasper and Jackdoodle]

LOL, Lisa, I was so disappointed when Liz left it to you instead of me!

[Christine & Shelby]

Love this blog.... I can see the whole thing playing out....!  

[Lisa, Daisy & Dexter]

Karen where did you get the picture of MY ring?

[Adina P]

I have a feeling my hubby's new Kindle Fire will soon leave me feeling just like you :/

What was I thinking?  I should have bought it for myself!

[Deanna & Desi & Cori]

So funny, so true, so relatable!  I, too, gave my husband an iPad2 for Christmas.  Enough said...

[F, Calla & Luca]

You reap what you sow so they say. You have now created a monster and I doubt there's a solution. I might suggest before you do anything rash again like buying DH an iPad, that you ask us, your DK support group. I have an arrangement like that with my close cousin. I run any inclination to invite company by her and she reminds me why I'll regret the plan. But now you'll have more time to write hysterical blogs while DH is searching for Uranus : ) Personally I think all that stuff up in the sky is a celestial movie set, none of it exists. Really, galaxies far, far away. Who are they kidding?