My Husband is Never Going Away Again for the Weekend! PART TWO

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

 

When I last left off, we were in the middle of a snowstorm in October, my husband was out of town, and a possible power outage was looming.  We also established that my husband knows I cannot operate anything with gauges, primers, hoses, safety locks, and leaf and/or snow blowers and is really the one at fault for what I am about to tell you, because he left me at home defenseless and clueless.  We also clarified that in the house was my daughter, who was doling out bad news like Katie Couric, and causing my anxiety levels to skyrocket with her minute-by-minute reports regarding ticks and power outages.

 

Saturday morning what was supposed to happen was jmy daughter and I were going to go to West Virginia to see my niece and her family. Instead, I got a call first thing in the morning that the weather did not look good and so we decided to cancel. I could tell my niece’s son was devastated that I would not be coming because when he got on the phone to talk to me, the first thing he said was, “Can I talk to Fudge?”  I found myself saying to a five year old, “Fudge is night night,” instead of the more appropriate response, “Fudge is a dog.” After that he asked for Uncle John and when I said the rat fink had left me stranded for the weekend, he asked who else he could talk to that was home.  He seemed really sad that we would not be spending the day together.

 

We have a septic system and a well, so when the power goes out that means no water and me begging all family members to “hold it” until power is restored. I almost always have bottled water on hand, but this time we were down to two bottles, which meant I had to go out in the storm and find more. We left in the morning, when the storm was just getting started, thinking we would make a quick run to Target for water and stop at the park for a walk with the dogs. Besides, nothing says, “It is going to be ok,” like Target.  The farther we got away from the house, the more it started snowing, so we decided to stop at a little neighborhood health store right up the road. By the time we headed back, the storm was well underway and we slowly tried to make our way home.

 

Unfortunately, my van does not have four-wheel drive and we live where there are tons of large hills. Getting home was one of the scariest moments of my life. I was raised in the Midwest, so I have never been afraid to drive in snow, until yesterday. Several times I thought we were going to veer off the side of the road and once my brakes locked up and if anyone would have been coming towards us, I would have been powerless to stop. Twice, I almost made it up a large hill only to get stopped near the top and unable to continue. The dogs were wet and generating so much humidity that my defroster could not keep up and in order to see out the windows we had to keep them opened.  On top of that, I quickly discovered I needed new windshield wipers.

 

The scariest moment of all happened when I had to back down a steep hill into someone’s driveway in order to turn around. I really did not know how we were going to get home and doubted Triple AAA wanted to rescue two women and two large dogs. In desperation, I took a road I did not know and ended up on a road I did know, with no hills, and made it home.  At one point, when we were still having fun, my daughter and I were bickering about the coat she was wearing. I told her I really liked it and she told me it was mine.  I told her to get it off and she said she would freeze and I said that is how we learn. By the end of our nightmarish drive, my daughter was doing her best to stifle screams and I was forbidding her from gasping out loud because it was making me more nervous.  She showed far more restraint as a passenger than I would have had the situation been reversed.

 

When we finally got home, we could not believe what had happened to our trees while we were gone. This snow was so heavy that the branches of our Cherry tree were almost touching the ground in the front of our house. Branches were everywhere and several other trees were almost bent in half. While my daughter was snapping pictures, I was running into the house to see if we had power. Losing power is my worst nightmare and my daughter knows it.  Right after I said, “If we lose power when your dad is gone, I am going to go insane,” I noticed she excused herself and went to her room.  I told my sister later on the phone that she was probably cowering in the corner or setting up a barricade.

 

Our power goes out a lot.  It goes out when it rains, so there was not a chance in hell it was not going to go out yesterday and sure enough at around 5 pm on Saturday, out it went. It stayed out for almost twelve hours, came back on for four hours, and then out all day Sunday.  We live in a rural area surrounded by trees. When we first moved up to PA, I could not get over the fact that when our power did go out, it never EVER came right back on. It is usually hours and hours before it is restored. You have probably all heard of Sundowners Syndrome, but I have what is called Power Outage Rage at the Gods Syndrome. As soon as the lights go out, I go nuts. I start ranting and raving that this cannot be happening and we are moving at the first sign of light, when I can see to pack.  I have the Power Company on speed dial. The problem is the power company has anticipated that most callers are not in a good mood when they call, so they have designed a phone system that makes it virtually impossible for you to talk to a live person. 

 

Usually, by the time I have been on the line fifteen minutes, pushed twenty numbers on my phone key pad and listened to the computerized voice on the other end of the line tell me he cannot understand my responses, I am screaming in the phone, “GET ME A LIVE PERSON NOW” and swearing like a sailor. I am sure there is a customer service person on the other end of the line high fiving a co-worker that they pushed another customer over the edge and beat the previously recorded winning time. It probably does not help my case, if and when I ever get to a live person, that my opener is usually something about why don’t they hire more squirrels, because it is obvious the one generating our power by pedaling a bike up in the transformer box is taking too long of a break. After that, we have nowhere to go but down and the call usually proves useless anyways because I think they have trained all their employees to say this, “We have no updates at this time and have I done everything possible to make you happy today?" Sunday, all I said was, “Do I sound happy?” and hung up the phone.

 

There is not much to do with no lights and no power, so Laurie, Fudge and Vern got into bed at 7 pm on Saturday and tried to go to sleep. Without our fan on to mute noises, I could hear every tree branch that fell and was half expecting some part of a tree to come crashing through our roof at any moment. The phone woke me at one point and I was thinking, “who would dare call me in the middle of the night?” only to see that it was only 9 pm. It was my husband checking to see if I had gone off the deep end yet. Later, we all fell back asleep again and this time we’re awakened at 12:30 am by the carbon monoxide alarm sounding. I thought about taking some big deep breaths and ending it right there, but instead called my husband back. After a few instructions, we determined that it needed new batteries, however, I could not get the darn thing to stop delivering a very annoying beep. I am sad to report that the Carbon Monoxide monitor did not survive the storm and the flashlight I used to beat it to a bloody pulp is a goner too. My husband listened to the deadly blows and his only concern was not my sanity or the fact that we no longer had an operating monitor, but that his good flashlight now needed to be replaced.

 

The day looked brighter on Sunday when I got up. The power came back on at around 4:30 am. When it came back on, one of the first things I did was get on the computer and check DoodleKisses. I should have taken a shower, because the power only lasted a few hours and went off again at 8:15 am.  I thought about running away from home, but instead got dressed and took the dogs outside while I shoveled the driveway. The next thing I know, Fudge is running towards me with an obvious obstruction in her mouth.  I looked in her mouth and her collar was so far down her throat, my only thought was that somehow she had attempted to swallow it and I began trying to pull the collar out. Luckily, and I have told her about 100 times that she saved the day, my daughter yelled for me to stop and ran over and unclasped her collar. In my panic, I never even saw the rest of the collar. My only thought was to get it out of Fudge’s mouth. What must have happened is somehow Vern pulled it up over her mouth when they were playing.  Of all the things that happened this weekend, that is what almost made me sit in the driveway and cry.

 

Thankfully, my husband made it home on time. He talked for a minute and went out to start our generator and two minutes later and eight hours after it had gone out the second time, the power came back on. We ran out to tell him and he took full credit for this miracle and said, “all fixed.” One daughter said, “daddy can fix everything,” because she knows that pushes my buttons. Meanwhile, I told the daughter that spent the weekend with me that I thought we had really bonded through all the hardship we had endured.  I could tell she thought so too when she said, “I am so done spending time with you!” Whatever that means!  My son-in-law added his two cents by saying he thought my husband was really just the keeper at an insane asylum and I made a mental note to talk to my daughter about divorcing him.  We finished the day out by discovering one of my tires on my van has a nail or something in it and then my van would not start. When it rains, it pours, or in this case, I guess when it snows.

 

So the moral of this story is my husband is never getting away from me again for the weekend before I check the weather reports. I have already told him if he tries, he will have some explaining to do as he tries to get through airport security with me clinging to his leg.

 

P.S. Oh, and the real irony is my nephew, the one my husband went to see play football, ended up getting a concussion and could not play the second half of the game. BTW, he is the team kicker.

[Bonnie and Kona]

Laurie, I don't know if you watch Modern Family on Wed nights but I think you should join their writing staff. This incident sounds like something that would happen to them! We had many power outages, but we lived in Hawaii. Completely different situation. Who cares? No need for heat and lights are overrated in the Islands. I depend on my DH to take care of all things mechanical and that includes the fire alarms etc. Glad you endured. Really good to know Fudge and Vern could help keep you warm.

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Ann, I am laughing thinking about you and your husband under your cell phone strobe light dancing in the dark. LOL Thank you!

Doris, Didn't I just read there are scorpions down there??? Thanks!!

Lisa, Thanks! I don't know either how Fudge did it exactly, but I can tell you in my moment of panic it looked like she swallowed it and I saw no other part of her collar, but the part in her throat. My heart stopped and thank goodness, my daughter was clear headed and calm. Probably next time, she will run to my DD..LOL!

[Lisa, Daisy & Dexter]

Worth the wait but knowing it was coming and not showing up made ME a little crazy.

I pictured you in all these situations....the one that made me laugh the hardest was the flashlight beat down and the one that made me relate the most was the SIL mental note. My SIL was nearly ousted when he said I was OCD about cleaning and needed to relax. LOL

Still not clear about how Fudge had her collar half way down her throat and only needed it to be unclasped but love the fact that she ran directly to Mommy for help....so see, you are not helpless to her!

Hugs!

[Doris, Knox & Flash]

What a crazy weekend! Geez--you just need to pack up and move to Texas! Bring your DD -- she sounds an awful lot like mine! I'm always hearing, "Really, Mom??".

Glad your nephew is doing well!

[Ann Kendig]

Loved the story Laurie.  Still have tears in my eyes!  We just moved into a different house and I can't imagine being left here alone if the power went out, especially now.  I'm sure I would be standing in the dark wringing my hands wondering which box I put the flashlights, candles and matches.  Oh wait, I did do that about a week ago, but my hubby was home when it happened.  We both stumbled around the house tripping over boxes.  Finally we realized we could use our cell phones for light.  Good thing we downloaded the flashlight apps.  I personally like the strobe light, it gave a slow motion affect while we searched for flashlights and it's fun to dance to also!  Gotta have some fun while the power is out!   Hey, at least your daughter was there for you for some human companionship and support.  : )

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Thanks, Linda

[Linda, Webber and Seda]

I started laughing out loud when I got to the part about the flash light and the carbon monoxide monitor.  That was tooo funny!!  What a horrible weekend, Laurie.  You are a brave woman.

[Joanne ~ Spud*]

Dress up part is the one that caught my eye.  Dress up in Whhhhhhhhhat?  OH, never mind.

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Jane, I like a tough girl :) Nothing in life is free, right??

Jennifer, Thanks! Yes, we now need a new Carbon Monoxide alarm. My DH showed me how to open the back when he got home, but I had already killed the one we had with the flashlight...LOL!! I will remember about the Firemen :)

 

[Jennifer,Chloe & Myla]

OMG Laurie-your life is way more exciting than mine! I'm sorry you had such a weekend but you SURVIVED! The whole Fudge thing would get me crying also! How did you go without us that long????? Our carbon monoxide alarm started going off in the morning when I sprayed my hairspray! I could never get it to stop, the 1st time we didn't know why and the firemen were here tro check the house out!! (remember that next time, some of those guys can cheer you up! Well-not sure about PA but we have a few here lol!) We ended up getting rid of that alarm and got a combo for the hallway. Glad you are back!