My Version of the Movie, Groundhog Day!

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Lately I have been starring in my own version of the movie, Groundhog Day. If you haven’t seen the movie I can sum it up for you very quickly. It was about a weatherman sent to cover the annual Groundhog Day event in Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania, and somehow ends up in a time warp and keeps repeating the same day over and over again.  I really never understood why anyone would leave it up to a rodent to predict the weather, but I do know that once my sister attended a Groundhog Day party and they had cookies shaped like groundhogs to eat.  I remember when she told me about the refreshments and seemed far more excited than I thought was reasonable and how I listened to her entire monologue and then said, “Why are you such a doofus?”

 

The reason I am bringing all of this up is because lately my life has been just like the movie except in place of a groundhog I have two Doodles and a husband.  Every single night at bedtime we go through the same routine and no matter how many times I mention that the routine is not working, it continues as if I am also trapped in a time warp.

 

Usually in the evenings Fudge and I watch TV back in my bedroom and John and Vern stay out in the living room.  Around ten and almost always at the end of a great show, Vern comes back to the bedroom and stares at me.  What he wants is anyone’s guess and he has the remarkable ability to time his walk by to when it is the least convenient for me to get up and help him.  At this point I like to say very loudly, “Go tell daddy what you want!”  Sometimes I repeat my request in the hopes that Vern didn’t hear me the first time as he continues to stare at me or hope maybe my loud voice will break the trance John is obviously in in the living room and he will come and get Vern.  That never happens.  What does happen is I get up with Vern and thus begins our nightly ritual called “What does Vern want?”

 

I always start with his water dish, which is usually bone dry.  I spend half my day filling up the dog’s water dish.  The weird thing is they have two water dishes, but both of them only seem to drink from the one on the right.  I have switched the bowls after cleaning and they still always prefer the one on the right.  Vern is a big drinker.  If you fill his water dish in front of him, he is driven to thank you by drinking all the fresh water you just gave him and making sure by the obnoxious sounds he makes doing it that you know he enjoyed every drop.  My mom is like Vern in that she is nuts about her water.  She has the nurses at her care facility jumping through hoops to fill her water cup “just right” with ice and water and then it is either too heavy for her to lift or too light because it isn’t full enough.  I have actually had to pour some of the water out and God help you if you pour too much and miss the invisible fill line that only mom can see.  I am about ready to buy her a canteen to keep around her neck, but then I would have to spend my time at our visits filling and emptying that canteen until I got the water level just right.  Suggestions like “couldn’t you just take some sips and get the water down to where you want it?” might render the same response I got when I told her I wanted Archer to call me Lolly and John Pop, so we would be Lolly Pop.  She looked right at me and said, “Laurie, you are some kind of stupid!”  It isn’t always fun to visit a 90-year-old woman without a filter.

 

It isn’t that I mind filling the dog’s water dish, it is just that I mind that no one else seems to notice when it is empty. It is like emptying the dishwasher to me, which has caused more fights in our house than any psychiatrist would deem healthy.  I just don’t know why I am the only one who has to do it. The clean light on the dishwasher that says the dishes are clean and the empty water dish are like flashing neon lights to me that say, “take care of this NOW!”  To everyone else in the family it must say, “leave area quickly and prepare flimsy excuse for not completing task.” And trust me when I say, I have heard some great excuses.  Once, John said he didn’t empty the dishwasher because he was afraid it would wake me up and unless I set the full trash bag directly on top of the stove on the day he makes himself eggs for breakfast the trash is not getting to the trash can by his hands.  Even then, I would be afraid we might have a fire when he turned the gas burner on and claimed he never saw the trash bag.

 

So, every night, I begin with Vern’s water dish and almost always find it empty and when I comment that Vern doesn’t have any water I never feel it gets the reaction I think it should.  Most of the time I get one OK or a vacant “I have no idea what you just said” look and no one ever jumps up to get Vern his water.  Sometimes it is water that Vern wants, other times he walks over to the treat bowl and stares at it willing me to get him a treat.  Usually he has to go out and I often think he comes to me because I am the only one who even notices his stare.  All of these things pale in comparison to the routine we go through night after night when John comes to bed. 

 

Like I said, Fudge and I might be watching TV or we might both be asleep when John comes to bed.  There is no fanfare or lollygagging going on when John decides it is bedtime. He walks around to his side of the bed and pushes anything on his side over and hops in.  I could be in the middle of paying bills or downloading pictures from my camera and just like that it’s all closer to me than it needs to be.  And then I wait because I know Vern is coming and sure enough, it is never long and Vern is standing at my side of the bed doing his stare thing.  So, just for fun, I always ask, “did you take Vern out before you came to bed?”  The responses can vary from “ I didn’t know he had to go out “ to “He was sleeping and didn’t have to go out” but what all the responses mean are John’s part is done and Laurie’s is just beginning.  And so it begins. I start at the water dish, which will be dry, and then move on to the front door to let Vern out. If I am lucky, Fudge will wake up and go out, too.  If I am not lucky, she will feign sleep until I get back in bed and then time her “up button” to the moment I get back in bed. All this is happening while John is enjoying his Kindle!  In all fairness to John, I think we both know Vern is going to come get me even if John routinely took the dogs out before bedtime.  I think it is Vern’s way of having me “tuck him in.” About thirty minutes after this whole thing started and right after I give them their final treat of the night, I am back in bed.  I am almost positive right before I fall to sleep, I can hear my mom’s voice saying, “Laurie, you are some kind of stupid!”

[Melissa Landgren]

This sounds like my house. For some reason only I am able to assist the dogs with what they need. Evidently no one else can understand what they want. Sometime I wish men learned to speak dog too. They only seem to notice the empty water bowl if the dog is carrying it around. Then it is only a 70% chance they will understand what they want. lol I have a separate bowl of water in the bedroom at night. If I don't I am likely to be awaken by a tiny dog moaning and staring me down. I feel your pain.

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Nancy, I hope you figure out what Charlie wants. It has to be frustrating for all of you. I sure wish he could tell you what he wants, but I bet you figure it out soon. I think Vern is afraid of the dark, too. These dogs keep us hopping. 

Donna, I know you are right about Quincy, because Fudge does the same thing. She wants my spot, too. I am sure Gord saves your spot for you. LOL Love the cartoon!

Sally, These DH's have our number. They know we are going to get up and take care of things. LOL

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Thank you, Lori!! 

Thanks, Tammy!

Carrie, I am hoping my grandson calls me Lolly and his parents just can't stop him! LOL Thanks!

Jerry, In this case....Dear Husband :) The D could stand for something else, but I will keep it clean. 

Lori, OK...now your Pippa sounds like Fudge. She likes engraved invitations, too! LOL

Thanks, Hailey and Charlie!

Thanks, DJ!

Linda, LOL...it is nice that your husband moves! Beau knows how to make it happen :)

Thanks, Joani! Maybe it was just a blanket "I'm sorry" to cover all her bases :) I guess we do the best we can. My mom had a great sense of humor before her stroke two years ago. Since then, it hasn't been good. Fudge and Vern are like your two...they never forget their last treat of the day!!

Lisa, I am so sorry Mike is out of work and hope he finds a great job soon. It is nice that you can send the dogs to him :)

[Lori]

The way you told your story was hilarious! You should be writing books as your style is much like Erma Bombeck! I could completely relate to everything you said about your dogs, your husband and your mom. All too funny! By the way, I love the movie Groundhog Day! Thanks for getting my morning off to a great start!

[Tammy]

Thanks for the laughs!

[Carrie Shepherd]

Thank you for sharing your hilarious evening rituals. I, as well have similar problems but I take it that I'm their mama and no one can help them better then me, haha. Jokes on me half the time but I will roll with it.
Love the grandparents nicknames and I'm hoping soon to be called Lolli.

[Jerry Cooper]

What the hell is a DH?

[Lori, Daphne, Lucy & Pippa]

Oh Laurie, once again you have made me laugh hysterically while you somehow have managed to see some of things that go on in my house. I too have two water bowls and thought it was an odd thing but my girls also seem to only prefer the one on the right. It doesn't seem to matter which bowl as I too have switched them and even replaced them with different bowls trying to figure out their strange strategy. If I were one of three (sometimes more) drinking water, I would want to drink out of the one that had less "traffic" but that's just the way I think.
I actually love your idea of grandparents called Lolly and Pop! I may have to use that someday in the apparently far distant future.
As for being "some kind of stupid" why is it that Pippa seems to only want to disturb me. If Rick gets up to answer her ringing bell to go outside, she runs from him and the open door like its on fire and comes to find me. I then have to walk her over to the door that the others have already passed thru in their frenzy to get out and tell her to go with them. When it's time to come inside, they all come willingly...except Pippa. She would like a personal invitation complete with my bowing down and presenting my outstretched arm to show her the way. Does that make me stupid or just plain crazy???

[Hailey and Charlie]

That is so funny! I think all of our dogs have a funny way of getting our attention. My dog has an act for knowing when it is 7:00am because we usually walk and feed them around then.
One Sunday, I actually tried sleeping in and he would not stop licking my face even when I tried hiding under a pillow he knew it was breakfast time. I can definitely relate to knowing a routine.

[DJ & Chance]

OMD, this is classic, Laurie and could be the first episode of a new sitcom.