When Do They Grow Up?

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

I used to think parenting got easier as you got older and your kids matured, but I now think parenting gets harder.  Harder because they don’t have to listen to you anymore and my advice, which I always believe is stellar, is not always met with the appreciation and gratitude I think it deserves.  Hayley prefers to call John because she finds him less reactive and better at listening without commenting, all because, once or twice, I yelled out something like “NOT AGAIN!” when she said she had been involved in a traffic accident.  Megan once asked me why I couldn’t just listen and not respond and got mad when I said maybe she could find a nice tree with a phone and call it next time instead of me. The thing is I feel like I am loaded with great advice, have the answers to most everything, and can solve all their problems IF they would just listen to me. Unfortunately, I am the only one who seems to know this and worse yet, I have been bested by a man who I would swear has nodded off a couple of times during their lengthy conversations.

 

We all know puppies can also be hard and things are supposed to get easier as our dogs mature.  Someone needs to explain this to Fudge and Vern, so I can get back to my lackadaisical method of dog training.  In her seventh year of life, Fudge has taken up counter surfing and it seems to be an area in which she excels. Fudge has always been my tester dog and John says I have way too many conspiracy theories that involve her, but I swear everything she does has a purpose and that purpose is to make me jump through hoops.  Her newest thing is to come when she is called, but go to a different door than the one I am standing at to be let back in.  If I am at the front door, she will go to the patio door and as I call her to come, she will stand there mocking me as if to say, “over here, dummy!”  If we are out in public, I swear she holds her business and only lets it out when she senses that me having to pick it up will coincide with someone walking by.  Just this morning she paused after going potty for quite some time until I assumed it was safe to pick it up, only to have her back kick so much dirt in my direction as I bent over that I was blinded for a second and spent the rest of the walk spitting dirt out of my mouth.  My new motto is close your mouth and eyes when you bend over around Fudge, but for obvious reasons I won’t be embroidering that statement on a pillow anytime soon.

 

I might have my glasses or the TV remote on the bed and despite the fact that the rest of the bed is empty, Fudge will beeline directly to the glasses or remote and try and plop down on them.  Many nights I will be watching a show only to have the channel changed when she rolls over to get more comfortable.  I usually scramble to collect my glasses, but often times forget about the remote until I can’t find it or I can no longer identify the show I am watching.  Every morning finds me taking both dogs out only to have Fudge stop in her tracks right before we get to the door and stare at me.  I don’t know if she is waiting for me to carry her through the doorway, hand her an engraved invitation that the party is outside, or she just enjoys me pleading with her to please go outside and go potty.  

 

On the boat she is possessed with retrieving her toy in the water, but then comes back to the boat and at the command to “drop it” lets it go right back into the water.  I have been standing right next to her instructing her NOT to drop the toy in the water and down it goes as she looks back at me like “did you say something?”  AND if she can somehow manage to drop it between the boat ladder and the boat all the better, because it means one of the humans on the boat has to get down on their hands and knees and try to figure out how to fish that toy out of the water without going overboard.  Trust me when I tell you, that toy could float within retrieving distance of the boat and she will just stand at attention on her dog pad until it is properly thrown from the boat by one of us. 

I'm still waiting............

Sometimes, she even waves her paw in the air like she really wants to help, but just can’t reach the toy, even though we all know if she would just jump in and get it life would be better for all concerned. Nope, it is up to John or me to retrieve the toy she has dropped in the water or risk going in debt replacing all the water toys as we watch them float away as Fudge stands at attention on her pad looking back at us like “What is taking so long? I’m waiting!”

Bye, bye, water toy..... 

Fetch, John!!

Meanwhile, Vern, now in his sixth year, has decided barking is the way to go on the boat and nothing seems to work to get through to him that we are not enjoying the sound of his voice.  John says me screaming “SHUT UP, VERN!” after every bark is not really helping, so I tried “SHUT UP, JOHN!” just in case Vern was barking using an alias.  Between the barking and all the fetching we do on the boat, we are exhausted by the time we get back to shore.   He also keeps all of our neighbors on their toes by barking their arrivals and departures whenever he can.  When I tell him to stop barking, he almost always wags his tail and barks again as if to say, “OK! Got it!”  This usually leads to me making him come back into the house and there is no prouder dog as he totally misreads the situation and walks in woofing and wagging.

 

Also, at the age of 6 and 7, I now catch them drinking out of any container out in the yard that has water in it and that includes potted plants.  I can’t honestly say this is new behavior in Vern, but I never saw Fudge do it until this year. My opinion is she saw all the attention Vern got when he did it and decided to jump on the bandwagon.  The other day I dumped the most disgusting water out of one of the containers out on our deck after I caught Fudge sticking her nose in it, yet when I go to hand her a treat she will sometimes drop it on the ground or turn her head slightly so it looks like I am trying to shove a treat against her cheek.   They also used to do tricks for their treats and would rush into the kitchen to get their treats and do perfect sits, downs, and stays.  Now, they wait in the living room, already in their down position, seemingly wanting to skip all the unnecessary hoops John makes them jump through just to get a treat.   I am starting to wonder if they are trying to disprove the theory “you can’t teach an old dog new tricks” and I am the old dog.

 

But, all this pales in comparison to the new counter surfing habit Fudge has developed in her seventh year of life.  It started with a breakfast casserole and the other night was my banana bread.  I was so proud of myself for baking four loaves of banana bread to freeze when we get company.  I used to throw bananas out all the time, but a sister-in-law mentioned she uses the brown ones to make banana bread and freezes them for her sons to take home when they visit and just like that I had a new idea that I intend to take credit for whenever I see my sister-in-law again.

 

After I made the bread I set it on the counter to cool and forgot about it until John came to bed and said, “Everyone enjoyed your banana bread!”  When I asked who everyone was since we live alone, he answered Fudge.  He said he kept hearing a funny noise in the kitchen and when he went around the corner to check Fudge was starting on her second loaf of bread.  The first one she had eaten all the sides of the loaf and left the middle intact.  I will have to remember that next time I serve her brunch on a silver platter.  She likes breakfast casseroles and bread crust, washed down with muddy water from a plant.  Vern, the newly hired butler, can bark each course as it is being served.

 

I guess life would be pretty boring if Fudge and Vern grew up, although I am willing to give it a try if I can convince them it is time! I anticipate Fudge will turn her nose up at the idea or stick it in a potted plant while Vern barks his refusal.

[Joani, Skadi & Elli]

So, how did I miss this blog?  So very funny.  Thanks for the belly laughs...I love the "shut up John"...you are one crazy witted lady!  I would encourage folks to join DK just to read your blogs!

[Jenny and Cooper]

BTW love the pictures that goes with the story. :D

[Jenny and Cooper]

I finally got around to read some post and of course I HAVE to make sure I read your blog! As usual, I truly enjoy reading them because it makes me laugh! I'm a bit jealous because your life seems so interesting and fun! LOL. Someday I hope I can meet the famous Fudge & Vern!

"Now, they wait in the living room, already in their down position, seemingly wanting to skip all the unnecessary hoops John makes them jump through just to get a treat." Funny because this is what Cooper does for his bedtime snack! I used to have him sit and wait a few feet away. Then "come" and do some more commands. Now he follows me to where his treat will be placed and just go on a down command! Totally skipped all the "tricks" he used to have to do before he gets it :/

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Sally, Possibly.....LOL

Ricki, I love Tara and her attitude. She is a pip. I think she is making it very clear she is done retrieving. However, it is nice to know Larry is still willing to do it :) LOL

[Sally M]

Seven year itch?

[Ricki and Tara (doodle)]

LOL! I love this blog and it's partly because I'm going through my own issues with my little 7 years old doodle.  She too has a new behavior surrounding retrieving and at my house it has now become "Fetch, Larry" instead of "Fetch John". In the past Tara loved to run and retrieve her little red ball. Now she will dash out after the first throw and come half way back, toss it out into the yard and return without it. No amount of demanding, begging, commanding or pleading on our parts will convince her to bring the ball back. Recently, we have (once Larry fetches) tried tossing it between us in an effort to get her retrieving mojo worked up. Eventually she will make an interception and then prance around with her head and tail up as if she had just scored the winning touchdown. After which, she heads out into the yard with the ball and tosses it out into the grass and returns without it. Apparently she doesn't want to  play with the ball and doesn't want anyone else playing with it either!  Sigh. As I said before, I'm just really grateful she is too short to reach the counter tops although I think I read that Nancy's little Ned has solved that puzzle so I'm getting a bit worried. 

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Carol, I don't think I am that active. Archer was here all week last week and it has taken two days to recuperate. John is sick and in bed. LOL John is annoyed with being out on the boat with me trying to get pictures. One of these days I anticipate he will throw my camera overboard :}

Nancy, I bought the bark collar you recommended. I have never opened it. I need to get tougher with my dogs. Megan went out on the boat with the dogs and declared that is the last time. LOL We will miss her :) Your dogs and my dogs sound like they could get into a lot of trouble together. 

Thanks, Wendy and Sam!

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Elizabeth, Maybe he will outgrow it and be the opposite of Fudge who took it up later in life :)

Cheryl, Thank you! My dogs have certainly learned to train me :}

Donna, LOL. John is about done with fetching and photographing dogs on our boat. I need a better assistant. I don't even think the orange bikini would help!

DJ, LOL about the crusts. I am surprised you didn't find those three pies later in the night on the carpet :) I am just waiting for the day when Fudge realizes she can open the refrigerator. Probably when she is eight. Chance just wants to make sure no one can track the two of you out on a walk. 

[Elizabeth, Bailey & Bruin]

Oh please tell me they grow up.  Bruin is such a counter surfer that I have given up on him.  We installed a baby gate to keep him out of the kitchen.  I was so hoping he would grow up UGH!!!

[Cheryl and Finnegan]

ROTFL, Laurie, this may be your funniest blog yet.  I'm going with the theory that doodles are always learning and even the best "trained" doodles figure out over time the next step is to train us.  And I think they realize this about age 6.