Once Upon a Hammock

[Sally M]

Several years ago, we received a hammock for Christmas. It came with a stand (not the kind that ties to trees). Every spring, my husband brings the hammock outside and that's pretty much where the trouble starts. The hammock hates me and is out to get me. One time I sat on it and the laying surface went completely vertical and I landed sitting on my fanny, on the ground, just below it. One time the hammock went an entire 360 degrees and I landed on my fanny again but that time I was like 3 feet away from it. My DH delights in seeing me struggle with the contraption. In fact, all I need to do is walk in the general direction of the hammock and my husband starts laughing. He is not very considerate or respectful of my immense struggles getting in the hammock, laying flat on it and getting out of it. He doesn't try very hard to get the height correct. It's either too high and my buttocks completely miss the canvas or he hangs it too low and I create a mini dust storm, trying to stabilize myself while the silly thing is scraping the ground. Unfortunately my dog, Penny, shares my DH's love of my troubles, apparently. She made the hammock even more difficult for me recently. She did it on purpose; I know she did. It's a conspiracy. This past weekend, I managed to get into the hammock without incident. I was laying leisurely in my yard and Penny decided this was all for her entertainment and enjoyment. I could see--in my peripheral vision--a goldendoodle puppy running towards the hammock. Oh dear, that was not good! It's not like I could have sprung out of the hammock quickly to escape; I can't even get out of bed in the mornings. Well, next thing I knew, I had a 46 lb. dog laying on top of me while the hammock swang wildly. Penny sat too close to the edge of the hammock, at first, and it went vertical; I was holding on for dear life. I'm talking white knuckles here! Then she was squarely on top of it, sitting on my head, with a hind leg hitting me in the spleen. The laughter that came from my DH did not amuse. Penny finally shifted around in the hammock and I ultimately ended up laying there with a puppy laying perpendicular on me. At least that way, I wasn't going to fall out or so I foolishly thought. Being a dog, it never occurred to Penny how fast a hammock can turn on you, literally. Wait for it...the darned thing threw both me and my dog on the ground. Luckily we weren't very high up so it wasn't much of a fall really. DH felt sorry for the dog and only because of her, did he come over to help. Never mind that his wife had to get off the ground yet again! Anyway, I'm done with the hammock. No more! Whether Penny tries to get in it in the future is not my concern. If she does, I hope the DH is laying there! And I can only hope I'm around to laugh.

[Lynda Kamrath]

Oh, we love the hammock as you can see from my profile photo.  It is up all the time and I sit in it sideways and then tap on the sides for the dogs to get in.  I like to sing to them in the hammock, and sometimes I even change the words to songs.  "It's Summertime" is my favorite, but we also like the one that starts "When I was a little bitty baby, my mama would rock me in the cradle...."  My nieces love it also and it is always on their agenda when they visit.  I got used to using a hammock when I lived in Brazil and it has been a part of our home ever since.  My son has even carved hammock posts for my hammock.  These are two of my favorite posts.

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

LOL...I never liked hammocks :) I say get a metal day bed for outdoors. This made me laugh.

[Janie, Jackson and Jilly]

This is such a cute story and I don't think you should give up on that hammock yet! We had one growing up and I just loved that thing! I'm sure that you and Penny can master it! You're making me wish I had one again! Thanks for sharing!

[Sally M]

Added note: My friend brought Penny's brother, Jeter, over today for a doggie playdate. My friend tried out the hammock. Like me, she won't be getting in it ever again. My friend was half in the hammock/half out when Penny decided to join her. All was well until Penny jumped off the hammock, sending it vertical (again) and tossing out my friend on her behind! Even though the hammock was not high, my friend found a hard tree root to land on. I heard her butt go "thump". Ouch! She's sore and feels jolted but she'll be OK (oh I know how she feels!). Us, more mature adults should just stay clear of hammocks, period! Be forewarned!