Rules for the Dog

[Linda,Yankee & Finn]

Things I Must Remember As A Dog

(In order to keep my present living arrangements)

The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.
I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under the coffee table.
I will not roll my toys behind the fridge, behind the sofa or under the bed
I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the house.
I will not eat the cats' food, before they eat it or after they throw it up.
I will stop trying to find the few remaining pieces of clean carpet in the house when I am about to get sick.
I will not throw up in the car.
I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc. just because I like the way they smell.
I will not munch on "leftovers" in the kitty litter box; although they are tasty, they are not food.
I will not eat any more Kleenex or napkins and then redeposit them in the backyard after processing.
The diaper pail is not a cookie jar.
I will not chew my humans' toothbrushes and not tell them.
I will not chew crayons or pens, especially not the red ones, or my people will think I am hemorrhaging.
When in the car, I will not insist on having the window rolled down when it's raining outside.
We do not have a doorbell. I will not bark each time I hear one on TV.
I will not steal my mom's thong underwear and dance all over the backyard with them.
The sofa is not a face towel.
Neither are mom & dad's laps. My head does not belong in the refrigerator.
I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in for mom's driver's license and car registration.
I will not play tug-of-war with dad's underwear when he's on the toilet.
I will not eat mint-flavored dental floss out of the bathroom garbage; I do not want a string hanging out of my butt.
I will not roll around in the dirt right after just getting a bath.
Sticking my nose into someone's crotch is not an acceptable way of saying hello.
I will not hump on any person's leg just because I thought they needed a good hump.
I will not fart in my owners' faces while sleeping on the pillow next to their head.
I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my butt across the carpet.
The toilet bowl is not a never ending water supply and, just because the water is blue, it doesn't mean it is cleaner.
I will not sit in the middle of the living room and lick my crotch when company is over.
I will remember that suddenly turning around and smelling my butt can quickly clear a room.
The cat is not a squeaky toy so when I play with him and he makes that noise, it's usually not a good thing. .

[Michele Barton]

OMG, this is priceless! Thanks for sharing...it made my day!

[Linda,Yankee & Finn]

Please don't make me responsible for you choking. Never read DK stuff when you're eating.

[Nina, Phil, Harlow & Lacey]

This is hilarious! It had me laughing so hard I had tears streaming. I was snacking and had to stop eating for fear that I would choke I was laughing so much.

[Kathy Spyker]

Love it and it is sooo true.:)

[Kai Doodle (Kathy & Keith)]

This had us LOL! Thanks for sharing, too funny!

[Missi]

I love it! At my house, the last rule is the hardest to remember....The cat always make squeaky like noises when getting chewed on and Lizzie thinks it's fun! A squeaky toy that runs away on its own, woo!!!

[Paul & Michele]

This is Great!!

[Linda,Yankee & Finn]

No, I didn't write this. I'm not that clever at looking through a dog's eyes.

[Joanne ~ Spud*]

Where did you get the dog who wrote these wonderful rules ( rules my dog breaks) I want to meet this dog.

[Kim]

LOL... Love it!