Should I Have Raised Labradoodles Instead of Daughters?

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

 

My daughter moves to Oregon tomorrow. We live in Pennsylvania. I have been alternating between feeling sad and mad about this since she gave me the news. My best friend said she knew I was upset when I lost my sense of humor. I blame myself and my husband. We were stupid. All the while our kids were growing up, we told them they could do anything and be anything. What we should have said is, “You can be anything and do anything within a 100 mile radius of your parents.  If it is farther than that, you won’t like it.”  I really think when they were little, my DH and I should have been whispering, “Always stay close to home,” in their tiny, little, impressionable ears each night as they were drifting off to sleep. What were we thinking?  I mean, why did we spend so much time straightening up after they went to bed, having a little me time, and catching up on each other’s day, when we should have been brainwashing our children to never move to OREGON?

 

Oh, she has told me all the reasons she has to move…a new job and frankly I don’t care. I told her we would be more than happy to have her and her husband and their pets live in our basement and what sane person would turn that down. She asked me if I wanted her to be happy and I felt bad when I said, “If it involves a place called Oregon, I would have to say no.”   She told me after they have kids, she would send them to me for the summer and then laughed when I said, “Make sure you tell them I will be the tall lady holding the sign that says, You don’t know us because your stupid parents moved to Oregon and ripped our hearts out, but we are your loving grandparents.”  All she said was she hoped I got through security with my giant sign.

 

Nobody tells you this when you start to have kids, that someday they might just get a job clear across the USA and there is nothing you can do about it. Dr. Phil and Oprah really let me down on this one. All I heard was to teach your kids to be independent and confident and boy oh boy, did we screw up and now we have an independent & confident daughter on her way to Oregon.  I am writing all this down in the hopes that some of you newer parents can learn from my mistakes. Start the brainwashing NOW, before it is too late. Meanwhile, I am going to start whispering in Fudge and Vern’s ears every night, “Don’t even think about moving or else!”

 

Here are the Stab Your Parents in the Back Soon to be Oregonians:

 

I bet if she knew all these facts, she would turn around and head for home:

 

• In Stanfield, Oregon, no more than two people are allowed to share a single drink.

• It is against the law in Myrtle Creek to box with a kangaroo.

• The hazelnut is Oregon's official state nut. Oregon is the only state that has an official state nut.

• In Oregon it is illegal to use canned corn as fish bait.

• Oregon's state flag pictures a beaver on its reverse side.

• In Portland, people are banned from whistling underwater.

• In Bend, Oregon is a Bowling Ball Garden at a place called the Funny Farm, where you can actually buy bowling ball seeds in the gift shop.

 

 

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

She just told me that she had someone that wanted to recommend her for a job in Hong Kong....so I guess I should be happy about Oregon :)

[Lindsey]

oops..that was suppose to say across and entire country and ocean away ;-)

[Lindsey]

.....baaaahahahahaha. Okay, I am SO SORRY to laugh...but I loved the giant sign you'll be holding up for your future grandkids!!
Let me just say though, I am 27 years young and at the even younger age of 21 I came home one day and told my parents not only was I married...***GASPPPP*** but that was.......
moving to HAWAII....
we lived in South Carolina!!!
Imagine the look on my parents face.

I moved to Hawaii ALONE two weeks before Christmas...it was the first Christmas I spent away from my parents.
I not only broke my parents heart, but I shattered all of THEIR plans for me.
My parents TRIED to brainwash me, I'm fairly positive they DID whisper in my ear at night "moving away from home is not allowed"...when I asked my dad if I could go to college a whole 1 hour away from home, he denied my request.
I went to that college anyhow...without his final approval.
My mother told me one day "You know, you work your whole life, building and designing blue prints for your kids and one day they just look at you and say "sorry mom" and rip the blue prints up right in your face."
Three years later I graduated college in Hawaii and a short year after that I was back on a plan...moving back to South Carolina. I'm still a one hour drive down from my parents...but they never complain, odd huh?! LoL.

So...really, I wouldn't worry...your daughter sounds like a very strong, independent, smart girl and you should be proud! and remember...it could always be worse!! She could have eloped and told you she was moving to an entire state and OCEAN away...at least you can drive to her... Always look for the positive!

[Pat and Traveler]

Whoa it all down now!  As an Oregonian, it seems only fair to point out that Pennsylvania has some laws of its own that worry me.

In Danville, all fire hydrants must be checked one hour before all fires.

Housewives may not hide dirt and dust under a rug or carpet.

If a down-and-out asks to marry your daughter, you must allow him to stay at your home for 2 weeks before you are allowed to turn down his offer.

It is against the law for a spectator to run onto a football pitch and score a goal for the opponents.

It it illegal to sleep on top of a refrigerator outdoors.

You may not catch a fish with your hands.

You may not catch a fish by any body part except the mouth.

The state law of Pennsylvania prohibits singing in the bathtub.

 

Not to worry, though.  We'll take good care of the kids. Got lotsa stores with rain gear.  And, though I hesitate to say this at such a vulnerable time, after living here for a while they might not want to move back to Pennsylvania.  Okay, okay--too soon to say horrible things like that.  :)  They look like an adorable pair, and I know you'll miss them like crazy.  One of my daughters lives 10 minutes away, the other about 1-1/2 hours--and I'd be devastated if they moved to the other side of the country.

[Sharon & Monty]

What a traitor!  Reminds me of my daughter.  She too moved away, not as miserably far as Oregon, but an 8 hour drive is an 8 hour drive!  I made the same freaking mistakes, "study hard, go to college, the world is your apple..blah, blah, blah!"  No grandchildren to send home to grandma, heck I have to beg for pictures of the grandkitty! Rotten kids, cant live with them, cant live without them.  Hopefully their heads are twisted on tight and they will become the grown ups that we will be proud of.  I'm so very sorry for your loss. sniff.

[Pam and Ginger Snap]

You can adopt me!   We don't live that far away from you and certainly closer than Oregan!

 My parents are in New Orleans and I moved away from them...the biggest mistake I EVER made.  I spend 6 weeks in New Orleans, every summer with my parents and family...and we are both sad to leave each other after 6 weeks.  I wish I could tell her not to move...

 

 

[F, Calla & Luca]

F Parker for the defense. Oregon is a lovely state and Portland is filled with roses. There is a plaza where people congregate, play music and hang out. The people are nice if you discount the man who peed in the little alcove outside the restaurant doorway when we were eating inside. Be sure to tell your daughter about him. I think it rains a lot, tell her that too. Actually, I'm lucky. So far my two sons have settled in Manhattan but I assure you this winter I didn't see them for a few months. Truly, I don't think you can bind them to you or follow them. But they do tend to return. BTW, I think Phoebe's parents saga is so funny.

[Jane, Guinness and Murphy]

I think the answer is to never let them get married....it needs to be "nipped in the bud" right at the dating stage.  They fall in love with some guy, and they forget all about us.  Then they start feeling independent.  WTD?  They get stars in their eyes and dreams of starting out on wonderful new adventures together.....away from us!  What are they thinking....did that guy walk the floors with them when they were teething babies...I don't think so.  I'm very blessed (well most of the time) because one of my girls lives five minutes away.  The other one moved an hour away (because she and her husband wanted to live by the beach), and I didn't like that one bit.  I saw no reason why she couldn't live right in our town and take day trips to the beach.  Her husband said "no way"....yup, she listened to HIM.  I even looked at houses for her, and found some perfect ones, right in our neighborhood.  Nope, the husband won.  Now I take every opportunity when she's in a "babysitting bind" to remind her that it would not be an issue if she lived around the corner.  Anyway, I do feel your pain....she'll probably be back at some point, especially when the babies start arriving.  Till then, just blame the husband.

[Phoebe's Mom]

I have been telling my children the same terrible things you told your daughter--you know, the stuff about doing and being anything they want to be, going for their dreams, etc.  Now you tell me I have been wrong???  OMD  Seriously, I will be facing something like this in three years when my oldest leaves for college.  He is set on returning to the Northeast (hell, so am I but things are simply not working out the way I want/need them to right now) and we are in MN.   My best friend in NJ told her very bright daughter that she needed to stay within four hours of home for college.  Why the hell didn't I think of that?  Almost one year to the day we moved here, my parents moved 1.5 miles from us (mind you, they have been divorced since I was 17 but they moved in together here for practical reasons!!!).  It may not seem like it right now but it will work out somehow when the time comes.  Visits will be very special and sometimes, despite our best intentions and planning, nothing is permanent and that, my dear, is what you should plan for and bank on!  Just think, they could be moving to MN where the state bird is the Common Loon and the state food is Velveeta.  Yikes!

[Sue, Lola, Pongo & Hubby]

Well I thought Beavers were Canada's animal...apparently I am wrong. Maybe this might make you feel a TAD better....my family raised me quite differently....they used your hopeful "brainwashing" technique, and now I feel guilty living just 30min across town from them. Because of work, my husband had the chance to move to the Niagara Falls area 2.5hrs away...that was immediately out of the question because of the guilt I knew I would feel. I think you raised your daughter properly...and I'm crossing my fingers that she gets caught drinking something with two other people and is forced to move back home :)