Sleeping with the Enemy (aka Vern and/or Fudge) !!

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

New Year’s Eve was hard on Vern.  For the first time ever, he was frightened of the surrounding fireworks and guns going off all around us.  I hate to be a party pooper, but when something comes between my sleep and me I think it should be outlawed and the offenders cast off the island.  I actually read in the news recently that a costumed nine-year-old girl was accidentally shot by a relative who mistakenly took her for a skunk.  Police said this man had not been drinking, which makes it all the harder to explain how he thought a skunk could ever grow to be the size of a nine-year-old girl.  There are too many stupid people with guns who shouldn’t be shooting anything in broad daylight let alone in the middle of the night after whooping it up on New Year’s Eve.   Most of the noise happened as the ball dropped, or in our town, a frozen chicken up at the local bar, and long after I had gone to bed.  John was nice enough to fill me in on the details when he walked into our bedroom at midnight and woke me up from my sound sleep by asking if I was asleep and telling me it was officially 2013.  I promptly told him I didn’t care, but there was still time to drop another couple of balls if he dared to come closer. Vern used the lull in conversation that followed to jump up on the bed and begin to pant and by panting, I mean the bed was moving as if I was in one of those hotels from the 60’s and had just put my quarter into the Magic Fingers to experience fifteen minutes of bed shaking fun.

Unfortunately, Vern’s panting was not the same fun as I remembered and only meant going back to sleep was out of the question, until we could get Vern calmed down.  Thankfully, our daughter emerged from her bedroom, probably to see why she heard her parents moving about at such a late hour and offered to sleep in the living room with Vern.  I have fallen for this ruse before and thought our prayers had been answered and someone else could deal with Vern’s insomnia and phobias, but I have come to learn the hard way that when she offers to sleep upstairs it simply means she is going to sleep upstairs, and sleep is the operative word.  While she sleeps peacefully in the living room, the dogs often tiptoe right by her probably thinking, “let’s let Hayley enjoy her sleep and we will go get mom up instead.”  We have found that the dogs could set up a racquetball court, invite a few friends over, and hit the ball all around her and she would still cop an attitude when I came around the corner screeching, “what is going on out here?”  All she ever says is,  “mom, why did you wake me up?  I am exhausted.”  On New Year’s Eve, however, after trying to get Vern to settle down for quite some time, we decided to trust her and ran to our bedroom screaming, “no taksies backsies!” before she could change her mind.  I did say to John once, “Do you think we should check on them? What if Vern gets scared and jumps on top of her and she can’t get out from under him or call for help?” All he said was, “She’ll be fine. Vern gets up every two hours. Let’s get some sleep.”

We all got through the night fairly uneventfully after the outside noises died down, but since New Year’s Eve, Vern gets jumpy if he hears any loud noise like gunshots. Since we seem to live in a big hunting area, we hear it frequently and have made a point of not reacting and continuing on with whatever we are doing.  He seems to be less fearful, but if he is out in the yard and someone shoots a gun off nearby, he bolts for the door and runs directly into our room and jumps on the bed.  He also wants to be in bed with us more and early one morning not long ago he jumped into bed with us, followed by Fudge who wasn’t going to be left out.  This is never good because Fudge is an expert at making herself larger than she really is and stretching out to her fullest potential and letting the other three occupants fight for the remaining space.  Our dogs are spoiled and we do a lot of crazy things for our dogs. The other night we were up at the park late to make sure they got their walk in and neither of us thought to bring a flashlight.  At one point, I walked right off the sidewalk and into a gully because I couldn’t see where I was going and another time I panicked and yelled to John that there were two huge things in front of me and he yelled back it was either my feet or those cement parking blocks. 

By far, the fact that we are willing to be uncomfortable in our own bed so our dogs sleep more comfortably and walk them at our peril proves my spoiling point perfectly.  The other morning when they both got in bed with us, there were parts of me hanging off the bed that should never go uncovered.  Fudge left me with approximately 4 inches down the left side of the bed for my allotted bed space and if I pulled with all my might I was able to get the sheet up as far as my waist.  The rest of the covers were tucked comfortably under Vern and her for added cushion. Luckily, the exertion of trying to hang on to my side of the bed and repeatedly drag myself back onto the bed before going over kept my body temperature up and the chills to a minimum.  John had his own problems on his side of the bed because as Vern stretched he would use any exposed area on John’s body as leverage.   At times our eyes would meet across the wide expanse of dog and I just knew he was thinking what I was thinking, “How much longer until you get up, so I can have some more room in this bed?”

Don’t bother offering solutions for us.  We are a lost cause.  Instead, when I come to you to vent, just say, “there, there, you poor girl, it’s going to get better.”  I much prefer that to, “you are an idiot and those dogs are taking full advantage of your kind nature.”  Meanwhile, every night I will continue to say my Hail Vern’s as penance (and forgive me, for I am not Catholic) for losing control, Hail Vern, Go to Sleep and stay asleep, we are here beside you, don’t make us in our dazed confusion misplace you at the local SPCA, please let us sleep, pray for us fools, now and in the wee hours of the night.

[Christine & Shelby]

As always Laurie... I loved your blog. Shelby sleeps in my bed... It's a queen and she, just like Fudge, can make herself into a big dog and I get pushed to the edge. Who knows how we'll adjust once I find (hopefully soon) that special man to spend the rest of my life with!

[Jeanne, Tura and Dolly]

New Year's Eve was terrible here too.  I am sorry to say that the first words uttered by me in the new year were NOT Hail Mary's or any other prayer other than cursing the inconsideration of a**hats who decided that setting off fireworks until 130am was more important than anyone's sleep. Every time there was a series of booms, it was followed by a series of woofs from the pups. I was definitely cranky and in a mood the next day. We live in the country so there is no formal city fireworks on NYE or Fourth of July (when we worry about major fires), so neighbors take it upon themselves to light up the sky.  I just wish it would stop at midnight.  Man I am turning into a crabby ol' lady.

[Carol and Banjo]

Laurie,  I need only to read about Vern and Fudge's bed hogging ways to get my head back on straight.   Banjo will sometimes hop up in bed when we first get in (much to our delight), but only stays for 10-20 minutes and then hops down get comfy on the floor or the chair or his bed....rotating between those three throughout the nite.   I always feel a little bad when he leaves us.....but after reading your post....not so bad.   :  )

Sounds like the Wild West in your neighborhood girl!    Guns shooting off on New Year's Eve??!!!    I would think that isn't even legal!    I'd be awfully cranky if I had to listen to that....the distant fireworks are bad enough.   I'm not much fun in my old age!

[Doris, Knox & Flash]

@Deanna -- "and no coins were needed!"  You crack me up!

[Deanna & Desi & Cori]

In a weird sort of way, this makes me a little sad that Sedona's a crate sleeper!  We have our pre-crate cuddle time, however, and invariably it's my space that she invades - so I have a taste of what you're talking about.  Some nights, she cuddles for a bit then jumps down and stares at her crate until we open the door for her.  Other nights, when we tell her it's time for her own bed, she goes deaf!  We gently nudge her to stand up and she's immediately paralyzed as well.  Finally, with a little coaxing and followed by the most pathetic look from Sedona, she hobbles over to her bed!

By the way, I really had to chuckle at your reference to "Magic Fingers".  We traveled a lot back in the day, and if our motel room had Magic Fingers, I would beg my parents to let me give it a try - but to no avail!!  My parents were the ultimate cheapskates, so I never had the experience of 15 minutes of bed shaking fun - well, not until much later in life and no coins were needed :)

[Joanna, Zoe & Bender]

Hahahaha! Lol on when you and your dh look at each other wondering when the other will get up first!
Zoe used to sleep in our bed but ever since Ben came along they have to sleep on their own beds. Once in a while she will jump up and look at me so sad pleading can I can I? I wish I could but our bed is a queen and Ben is 50 lbs so can't get in the habit. Breaks my heart to pick her up and put her on her bed.

[Lucy & AnnaBelle's Mom]

There There Laurie, you just go on believing it will get better!

I know you don't want any solution offers, but I've come across one just this week that is working pretty well for me.  Our girls don't normally sleep with us.  However, with Sophie's issues lately, sometimes it is just easier to bring her into our room to sleep rather than my keeping my ear tuned to the baby monitor trying to make sure she is ok.  So several nights lately when she was having a rough night I've brought her into our room and left Lucy in their room (Lucy could care less).  The first night was pretty much as you describe above.  Very little sleep for me and I'm thinking this isn't much better than before.  I could never get her to move or get in a position where everyone had some room and covers ... Then I discovered a puppy treat in my PJ pocket.  Offered her the treat, moved it to right where I wanted her to lay and we all slept happily ever after!

[Janie, Jackson and Jilly]

It's copmforting to hear there are others!! lol With us it's almost like an Olympic event to see who can jump in bed and claim their spot first. The winner always ends up with the desired leg room, etc. I used to run upstairs and make it a game, but I've learned that this is not game. It's survival and now I creep up without amaking a sound.

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Nancy, You may be right :) Vern does like his cuddles and we do have a few "Stewpids" here!

F, LOL to your comment. I forgot about being pinned. At my age, that can get ugly, too :) When I need to get those covers off, look out! LOL Loved your butterfly description.

Bonnie, You got it wrong. You are supposed to say it will get better :) LOL

Charlotte, Bo does sound like our Vern. Thankfully, for Vern's sake he is very cute and a great cuddler :) Yes, why can't the rest of the world stop making so much noise at night. LOL

Doris, Finally...we miss you on DK :) I do think you have yourself a mini-Vern. LOL Welcome to the "I can no longer touch my husband in bed," club :)

Karen, This sounds like a trade made in heaven, BUT I am not sure you would ever get JD back. LOL One night of peaceful sleep and waking up to that big ol' nose and I can see it now....Laurie and Jackdoodle....Karen, Fudge, and Vern!

DJ, Yes, it seems as if size has nothing to do with it. Fudge is not that big, but boy, can she hog a bed :) At least, they leave my pillow alone.

Jane, Thank you for those sincere words of encouragement :)

[Jane, Guinness and Murphy]

"There, there you poor girl....it's going to get better".