The Art of NOT Letting the Dogs Out!!

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

We have the same thing happen here night after night.  It reminds me of the movie, Groundhog Day, where the guy keeps waking up to find the same day repeated over and over. 

In our case, it is just the last hour before bedtime, so our movie would be called Bedtime Hour.  Every single night, without fail, John comes to bed, gets in, opens his Kindle, settles in, and within minutes, here comes Vern, wanting to go out.  Almost always, this moment happens during the last ten minutes of some fabulous show I have been watching and as I am sitting there awaiting the conclusion of the show.  I then say to John, “did you take the dogs out before you came to bed?” and he gets the same stunned look on his face every single night and he answers back with one of several excuses that he keeps on hand for just such an occasion.

I swear he has a script he has concocted since we got Fudge and Vern and he just tries to mix up his excuses to keep me on my toes and not say the same thing two nights in a row.  The same thing happens in my family for why no one but me will empty the dishwasher and I think my favorite excuse of all time was when he said he didn’t empty it one day because I was taking a nap and he was afraid he would wake me up.   Our bedroom is not that close to the kitchen and the only thing I could come up with to make sense of this excuse was he planned on spinning all the plates, bowls, and cups like you see in some of those acrobatic acts and he was worried about the outcome as he spun them from a pole or his finger to the shelf. 

 

Anyways, I know I should play hardball at this point and demand he take Vern out, but then we go through more secondary excuses as Vern sits there with his legs crossed trying to hold everything in and his eyes turning yellow.  Like a marionette doll being controlled by a puppeteer, I get up, although I will say I am louder than most dolls, and take Vern out.  There are just some things that trigger a fast response in me and telling me you have to go to the bathroom, especially in my car, turns me into Danica Patrick running the Indianapolis 500. 

Although it has never actually happened, I have an irrational fear that while I am weaving through cars on the Beltway trying to locate a bathroom, my passenger will turn to me and say, “You can slow down now. It is too late!’ and I will have to immediately pull over and post a sign on my car, For Sale, As Is! and find another way home.  The same feeling comes over me when someone tells me there is no bathroom where we are going and from that moment on, I wouldn’t drink one drop of any liquid even if I landed in the Sahara Desert for a sweating contest. The point all this is making is that when someone, person or dog, has to go to the bathroom, there should be a sense of urgency rather than a nod in that person’s or dog’s direction and a “he’s fine,” and back to doing what you were doing.

 

John isn’t the only member of my family guilty of ignoring a request to go out and potty.  My daughter, Megan, when we visited Portland, seemed inclined to ignore her dogs, too.  I don’t want to scream out “neglect”, but even though I have not seen my grand dogs in three years and this is actually the first time I met little Jazz, I could tell immediately I knew them better than my daughter.  Unfortunately, my best efforts kept getting me in trouble and a couple of times she got more than irritated and said, “They don’t need to go out. They just moved to get a better look at their crazy Grandma!” She all but told me to mind my own business and once when I woke up to find Jazz staring at me, I mouthed to him, “Grandma’s here. I’ll sneak you out to go potty.”  

 

Help me, Grandma!  I have to go potty!

All that was easier said than done when her house seemed booby-trapped to catch me in the act and she did, when I tripped over something on the way out the door.  Luckily for Bonzai, after I woke him up, Grandma was there to make sure he got to go out, too. 

Thank you, Grandma!

In the morning, she didn’t even have the courtesy to thank me for my efforts, but seemed to have some cockamamie theory that Vern has me so well trained that she thinks I automatically wake up once in the middle of the night and look around for a dog that needs to go out.  I’ll remember that when she starts having children and maybe I’ll just keep all my expertise to myself to teach her a lesson.

In all fairness to Vern, he has gotten so much better about the middle of the night potty breaks and I think if he is willing to make that one concession, the least we can do is take him out before we fall asleep.  I just keep trying to think where the best place would be to write ‘TAKE THE DOGS OUT NOW. YES, THAT MEANS YOU!” to get John’s attention.  Maybe the bathroom mirror, because ironically that is the last place he visits before he comes to bed, although I wouldn’t put it past him to say, “I didn’t take the dogs out because you were sleeping and I didn’t want to wake you up,” right after I say, “why can’t you remember to take the dogs out so I don’t have to get up?” One of these days, our Bedtime Hour movie is going to have a different ending.

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Karen, I guess all these dogs make us jump through some hoops, even JD :) He probably just doesn't want to bother you. LOL

F, Wow....I will take this to mean you think I am pretty much RIGHT :) Well, you had me fooled because you sure mention Aperture a lot TO ME :)  I also agree about the ears....much pointier....bat ears, for sure :)

Pat, Zoe does look like Jazz. You are just digging yourself deeper with every comment :) LOL I hope Megan never sees this blog :)

Jarka, LOL....my DH has to put his shoes on or go to the bathroom or something, etc. I feel your pain :)

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Pat, DO NOT let Megan hear you say they have bat ears...LOL! I cannot be responsible for what she does after she hears that description and she does live in the same town :) Don't tell your friend....but I love Frenchies more.

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

BG, Vern thanks you and would love for you to come and spend some time here. We will let you take him out all you want :) He does have those eyes that will melt your heart.

Lori, Thank you!  Do you want to trade dogs? LOL Vern always comes to my side first :)

Joanna, Thank you and I am sorry you can relate to them...LOL!! In 35 years, you will be writing blogs about him :) LOL

[BG and Gavin]

Another wonderful blog, but the highlight for me is that awesome picture of Vern.  Vern could get me to rob a bank if he looked at me with soulful eyes.  "Yes Vern, whatever you want Vern, right away Vern."

[Lori, Quincy & Frankie]

Thanks for another great blog!  

For reasons known only to Quincy, he always goes to DH's side of the bed on the rare occasion when he has to go out after we have gone to bed and in the morning.  

[Joanna, Zoe & Bender]

LOL i LOVE your blogs about your DH because I can totally relate to them!  My DH always takes them out at night right before bed but this is after months and months of nagging that they will wake up at 4AM if he doesn't.  We have been married a total of 2 years and I feel like an old, married, nagging wife!  What will I be like in 20 years? =O

[Pat and Traveler]

"Extensive sample..."  LOL   F, I can see differences too, when the pictures are up together.   It's Laurie's fault that I think all the little bat-eared, stocky, squish-face dogs are Frenchies! 

[F, Calla & Luca]

Pat, I think, from this extensive sample of three dogs, that the Boston's ears are pointier.

[Jarka, Monty & Auggie]

LOL, I think it's men. My DH usually takes the boys out before we go to bed (that's the only care he provides). But it drives me crazy when, for example, we know that Auggie's poop was not good during the day and suddenly he is asking to go out in the middle of the night. If I'm the first one to hear him, I fly out of the bed, put my slippers on and run to get the poor dog out (since I know it's urgent, otherwise he would not be asking to go out). On the other hand, when my DH hears him first, he asks him: "What is it, Auggie?" as if it wasn't clear enough. Then he slowly gets up and instead of rushing to get the dog out, he starts getting dressed. As if there is going to be anyone in our backyard that would see him in his underwear.

[Pat and Traveler]

Here's Zoe---the Boston terrier!