The Art of NOT Letting the Dogs Out!!

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

We have the same thing happen here night after night.  It reminds me of the movie, Groundhog Day, where the guy keeps waking up to find the same day repeated over and over. 

In our case, it is just the last hour before bedtime, so our movie would be called Bedtime Hour.  Every single night, without fail, John comes to bed, gets in, opens his Kindle, settles in, and within minutes, here comes Vern, wanting to go out.  Almost always, this moment happens during the last ten minutes of some fabulous show I have been watching and as I am sitting there awaiting the conclusion of the show.  I then say to John, “did you take the dogs out before you came to bed?” and he gets the same stunned look on his face every single night and he answers back with one of several excuses that he keeps on hand for just such an occasion.

I swear he has a script he has concocted since we got Fudge and Vern and he just tries to mix up his excuses to keep me on my toes and not say the same thing two nights in a row.  The same thing happens in my family for why no one but me will empty the dishwasher and I think my favorite excuse of all time was when he said he didn’t empty it one day because I was taking a nap and he was afraid he would wake me up.   Our bedroom is not that close to the kitchen and the only thing I could come up with to make sense of this excuse was he planned on spinning all the plates, bowls, and cups like you see in some of those acrobatic acts and he was worried about the outcome as he spun them from a pole or his finger to the shelf. 

 

Anyways, I know I should play hardball at this point and demand he take Vern out, but then we go through more secondary excuses as Vern sits there with his legs crossed trying to hold everything in and his eyes turning yellow.  Like a marionette doll being controlled by a puppeteer, I get up, although I will say I am louder than most dolls, and take Vern out.  There are just some things that trigger a fast response in me and telling me you have to go to the bathroom, especially in my car, turns me into Danica Patrick running the Indianapolis 500. 

Although it has never actually happened, I have an irrational fear that while I am weaving through cars on the Beltway trying to locate a bathroom, my passenger will turn to me and say, “You can slow down now. It is too late!’ and I will have to immediately pull over and post a sign on my car, For Sale, As Is! and find another way home.  The same feeling comes over me when someone tells me there is no bathroom where we are going and from that moment on, I wouldn’t drink one drop of any liquid even if I landed in the Sahara Desert for a sweating contest. The point all this is making is that when someone, person or dog, has to go to the bathroom, there should be a sense of urgency rather than a nod in that person’s or dog’s direction and a “he’s fine,” and back to doing what you were doing.

 

John isn’t the only member of my family guilty of ignoring a request to go out and potty.  My daughter, Megan, when we visited Portland, seemed inclined to ignore her dogs, too.  I don’t want to scream out “neglect”, but even though I have not seen my grand dogs in three years and this is actually the first time I met little Jazz, I could tell immediately I knew them better than my daughter.  Unfortunately, my best efforts kept getting me in trouble and a couple of times she got more than irritated and said, “They don’t need to go out. They just moved to get a better look at their crazy Grandma!” She all but told me to mind my own business and once when I woke up to find Jazz staring at me, I mouthed to him, “Grandma’s here. I’ll sneak you out to go potty.”  

 

Help me, Grandma!  I have to go potty!

All that was easier said than done when her house seemed booby-trapped to catch me in the act and she did, when I tripped over something on the way out the door.  Luckily for Bonzai, after I woke him up, Grandma was there to make sure he got to go out, too. 

Thank you, Grandma!

In the morning, she didn’t even have the courtesy to thank me for my efforts, but seemed to have some cockamamie theory that Vern has me so well trained that she thinks I automatically wake up once in the middle of the night and look around for a dog that needs to go out.  I’ll remember that when she starts having children and maybe I’ll just keep all my expertise to myself to teach her a lesson.

In all fairness to Vern, he has gotten so much better about the middle of the night potty breaks and I think if he is willing to make that one concession, the least we can do is take him out before we fall asleep.  I just keep trying to think where the best place would be to write ‘TAKE THE DOGS OUT NOW. YES, THAT MEANS YOU!” to get John’s attention.  Maybe the bathroom mirror, because ironically that is the last place he visits before he comes to bed, although I wouldn’t put it past him to say, “I didn’t take the dogs out because you were sleeping and I didn’t want to wake you up,” right after I say, “why can’t you remember to take the dogs out so I don’t have to get up?” One of these days, our Bedtime Hour movie is going to have a different ending.

[F, Calla & Luca]

Laurie you are partially correct, better than saying wrong I think. I have never used Aperture in my long life : ) and yes, if I could train Calla to eat all the debris the dogs drag in I'd've set for life.

[Karen, Jasper and Jackdoodle]

Laurie, it's true that JD is a very good dog, but I shouldn't have to threaten to order some of those disposable catheters advertised on TV in order to get a dog to relieve himself, lol. 

[Pat and Traveler]

Hilarious, Laurie!  A friend and I went on a beach trip, and I kept calling her little dog a Frenchie.  She finally told me that the dog is a Boston terrier!  Dang!  They look alike to me--especially with those bat ears, coloring and similar body type.  I think your daughter has been secretly teasing you all along and your grand-dogs are actually Boston terriers.    :)

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Lonnie, See once you start something...then it becomes your job. I have resisted mowing the lawn, but in the last few years have given in. When will I learn?? Sounds like Libby is on a great schedule. Thank you!!

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

F, DVR, Picasa, and Aperture....three obsessions you have :) LOL Calla sounds like she comes in pretty handy. Beats having to vacuum :)

[Lonnie & Libby Lu]

Love it!  Looks like it is your official job Laurie and Vern loves you for it:)  I will bet you do a much better job of taking Vern and your granddogs out then anyone else:)   Libby is trained to go to Daddy at 10:00 every night and off they go!  After that she is done for the night and up on our bed! 

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Thanks, Miss Ellie!

Jane, Thank you! Hopefully, his knee replacement is after the cruise. My mom (87) and aunt (73) both had knee replacements this year and did great. Dave may recover sooner than he thinks :)

Janie, LOL....I love that you sing him out of his stupor :) Thank you!

Bonnie, Wow....your DH has it made :) LOL I should have thought of that when we had our first baby :) Those Frenchies do have my heart!

Joanne, Sorry about that.........LOL!

Nancy, I like how you think :) I still can't believe you can camp with three dogs. My dogs would bark half the night. I bet if Vern jumped on Skip, he would wake right up. LOL

Camilla, After all I have done for you....LOL...you dare to agree with my DD :) Good idea about that Kindle.

Karen, I knew you would side with Vern :) Just kidding. Jackdoodle is not only handsome, he is such a good dog, too. Maybe he needs to branch out and take on some training clients :) Fudge and Vern call first in line.

[Miss Ellie]

As usual a good morning chuckle Laurie!

[Jane, Guinness and Murphy]

Dave has always done the "before bed" potty trips with our boys.  Don't feel too sorry for him...I do just about everything else when it comes to the Doods.  In October though he's getting a knee replacement and has already told me that he won't be able to take the dogs out for quite a while afterwards.  WTD?  So it looks like I'll be the one out in the pitch dark looking for perfect potty spots for the boys.   Laurie, I'm sure I'll be feeling your pain in October.  Another fun blog.....

[Janie, Jackson and Jilly]

Lol, love this Laurie! We can so relate over here! Once Tom starts reading, forget it! And how can you miss two doodles running to the door and then coming back to make eye contact, then back to the door, really? ! I have a new theme song for him, an old David Bowie classic.. Ground control to major Tom.. Can you hear me major Tom? !.. We start singing it to bring him back to earth!