The Dogs and I Need Time Apart!

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

I hate to keep beating a dead horse, but this winter has taken over my life, my thoughts, and my moods.  I don’t ever remember a winter when the snow would not melt and stayed around for such a long period of time.  We live in the boondocks and I drive to different locations to walk my dogs.  We go twice a day, but there is nowhere to walk that has been plowed, unless I want to walk them over deep snow covered ice.  On top of that, our township thought it would be fun to only plow one and a half lanes on our two lane roads making it very hard to get around. This means as you try and navigate your car into some of the places I go to walk the dogs and you have the misfortune to meet another car coming towards you, you have two choices 1) engage in a vehicular version of chicken 2) flash one of my STAR credit cards and yell, “Police business! Back your car up!" and hope no one asks for a closer look. 

 

When you have two dogs that don’t do “nothing” well and nowhere to go to walk them, this can make for extremely long days and nights.  Oh, and for those people who say their dogs entertain each other, I would like to say to you, “nobody likes a braggart.”  My dogs entertain themselves for about ten minutes by wrestling right on top of me and then they spend the other 23 hours, 50 minutes looking at me like “what are we going to do next?”

Fudge isn’t the problem as much as Vern and he reminds me of my youngest daughter when she used to have a friend spend the night.  My oldest would invite a friend over and they would hole up in her room for hours.  For all I knew they escaped out of the bedroom window by tying together all of the clothes that Megan kept strewn all around her room and went bar hopping, but they were quiet and left me alone.  Hayley, on the other hand, would have a friend over and I would have to turn myself into the Activity Director on a cruise ship to keep them happy.  Many times after I sat exhausted in a chair after numerous activities, she and her friend would look at me and say, “What else is there to do?”   A couple of times I said, “how about you do the laundry and your little friend run the vacuum,” and when that didn’t shut them up, I often times offered to drop the friend back at her house. I did have my own “little black book” of sorts and any friend that got five stars (five being extremely high maintenance) meant that if Hayley and the friend wanted another sleepover, it would have to be done at the friend’s house.

 

Yesterday, I had to walk the dogs around and around in a parking lot. We were like three hamsters on a wheel, except our wheel was covered with ice in some spots.  I can’t tell you how exciting it was to have Vern surge forward just as I realized my feet were slipping and sliding underneath me.  I swear Vern thinks his new name is “EASY, VERN!” because he just turns and looks at me like “hey, what’s up?” as I scream it over and over. 

Hey Fudge, do you hear somebody yelling, "EASY, VERN"?

In the afternoon, I opted to forgo the walk and take them up to the tennis courts and let then run.  The roads had not been plowed at that park, but it was obvious other cars had been there, probably in a desperate attempt to find somewhere to walk, and I was able to get far enough into the park to find a parking spot.  My feeling of victory was short lived as we plowed through knee high snow and ice to get to the tennis court only to find the gate frozen shut.  I knew I could open it wide enough to squeeze Fudge in, but Vern and I would be a problem.  I have been soothing myself all winter with junk food and we have all heard the old saying “you are what you eat” which seems apropos because prior to going to the park I ate a Chunky bar.  Anyways, I was determined to get us into that tennis court and managed to force it open enough to get both dogs inside.  I tried yelling from the other side, “go play,” but they just stood inside eating snow.  Well, I knew that wasn’t going to make them tired, so I squeezed through the opening, which was no small feat and tried to work them into a frenzy with my sing songy voice to get them to chase each other.

So far this week I have tossed a frozen ball 953 times, buried a frozen ball 867 times and encouraged them to find it, ran around my car for a fun game of chase about 57 times, taken approximately 1820 photos of one dog fetching and two dogs un-burying frozen balls, done sit/down/stay exercises with Vern in the driveway 953 times because Fudge won’t let Vern retrieve the frozen ball, and screamed “leave it….stop eating sticks…put the stick down…Vern, give me that damn stick…Fudge, stop teasing Vern with the stick,” more times than I can count. 

Oh, and let's not forget this fun part of having two Doodles that love snow!

or this (although this does make me smile)

Why do I do all this, you ask? I do it so Vern sleeps at night and so both my dogs don’t end up sprouting a tree limb out his/her rectum before winter is over.  It got so bad yesterday with the sticks, I started pelting them with snowballs when I saw them pick up a stick and I am pretty sure “correction by snowballs” is not an approved dog training method in any state.

I will admit, when Vern pulled me down in the field and got all tangled up in his leash, I didn't mind giving him a wedgie correction!

The snowballs finally made me realize I had gone over the edge and I might need an intervention.  I beg of the interventioners NOT to tell me to tether the stick-eating dogs to me, because we need a break from each other, and I would much prefer to tether them to John as he leaves for work each day.  I have asked John to take some vacation days and the last time I did he said, “It’s almost like you don’t want me to go to work.”  All I could think was I needed to find a more obvious way to say “stay home or kill me before you leave.”

Thankfully, my salvation came today in the form of a text from my dog sitter.  She has not been available for my dogs (blog to follow) because she got another job, but she wrote me and said if I wanted her to take the dogs to her house today to play with her dogs, she could!  I am sure the text I sent back scared her a little, because it read a bit like the diner scene in When Harry Met Sally when Meg Ryan fakes an orgasm and screams, “YES, YES, YES, OH YES!”  When she came to get them, the dogs went ballistic and then stood at the door, tails wagging, and attempted to telekinetically open the front door and get in her car.  It has been six blissful hours without my dogs and absence really does make the heart grow fonder.  We’ll see how the dogs feel when they get home.

[Pat and Traveler]

Hilarious and vivid, Laurie!  Here in Portland we had a few days of snow and ice, and it was awful!  :)  People hit the stores and clean out the shelves prior to snow episodes around here, even if the snow is only supposed to last for three or four days.  Ask Megan.  LOL  

As for kids at the house--I had a birthday party for one of the girls one time, and several kids managed to climb out a basement window and fueled by a sugar high, start rampaging around the neighborhood. Fortunately I managed to capture all of them before their parents arrived to pick them up.  I'd highly recommend kid parties with armed guards at all windows.

Your blog reminds me of how easy we have it around here.  Just the idea of having to clean that snow off dogs a couple of times a day makes my blood run cold, so to speak!  You are an awesome doodle mom.  The pictures are marvelous!  Love the one with Vern chewing on a stick, and Fudge vanishing into a drift.

Spring will come.  Snow will go.  Chant this lots of times.  :)   Thanks for the laughs!!

[Karen, Jasper and Jackdoodle]

You are a much better doodle mom than I am, Laurie! Poor JD is not getting much outside time at all these days. 

He is very unhappy about not getting his regularly scheduled daily walks, but I keep trying to explain to him that he will be even more unhappy if I end up in the hospital with a broken hip, in which case he might not even get his regularly scheduled daily meals. 

He really doesn't get it, and he should,  because when we did venture out for a walk the other day "over deep snow covered ice", guess who slipped and fell? Hint: It wasn't me. 

Here's to Springtime!!!! Please hurry!!!!!

[Janie, Jackson and Jilly]

Laurie, I am right there with you! My two will play for awhile, then they are both looking at me like "what's next?" It wouldn't matter if Tom or Katie stayed home, they'd still be giving me the look. Katie and I have even perfected the doodle "look", eyes staring into your soul, lower jaw slightly out to expose bottom teeth... yep, the winter's been too long! lol I give you credit for walking them twice a day. We play out in the backyard and they run around, wrestle, tire themselves out, but there's something about ice and them on leashes... I just don't do it as much! We do our weekly trip to our favorite pet shop too. It's like the bar on Cheers, you walk in, everyone knows your name, they settle themselves right next to the counter and get treats!  We always pick something up in there and J and J can walk the aisles to their heart's content. omd you had me with the snowballs : O Send those two over here for a few days!! LOL

[Miss Ellie]

Okay...trying to stop laughing so hard about the "When Harry met Sally"  part....it really makes it difficult to type with tears rolling down your cheeks from the laughter...you've done it again Laurie...and I can so relate to what Carol said...each one of your blogs is just like a 'mini-movie' playing out in my head...thanks for the morning laugh...I love starting my day that way...even though I LOVE WINTER...I hope for your sake and sanity that spring is just around the corner...but truly I know I would rather have snow than rain & MUD...enjoy your day:)

[Gail and Bailey]

Laurie,  your photos are beautiful and I refuse to believe that anything bad can happen in such gorgeous surroundings with such awesome looking doodles!  It looks like a wonderland!   With all that being said........I realize your predicament is serious and I am sending you some sunshine and warmth.  Keep an eye out ....it should be arriving in about a month.  (wink, wink)   Love and big WARM hugs to you and Fudge and Vern!!

[Gail+Kathleen,(Sydney+Olivia:)]

Hi, Laurie!  I loved reading your post.  Your photos are GREAT!  Vern looks like a Polar Bear in one of your photos.  Just looking at your photos makes you love them!  And, I can relate to those snow/ice balls stuck in their coats.  They end up all over my house since pulling them out is like combing a very tangled head of hair.  This winter has been very trying.  We also try to entertain Sydney and Olivia by building giant snow castles which Olivia digs holes in and hides inside.  You made my day and made me laugh so hard I cried!

[Jane, Guinness and Murphy]

Oh and I forgot to say....your pictures are awesome!

[Jane, Guinness and Murphy]

Oh Laurie, I know.  It's the same here only we don't even have a fenced yard.  We're very used to our "parking lot walks" now.  On weekends it's the Town Hall lot which is huge and very well de-iced....we do four times around and it's a good walk for them.  During the week it's more difficult because these parking lots can get pretty busy....with people who actually think they should be able to park their cars there.  I need to back down on their Daycare to once a week because it was costing me a fortune.  The good news is that we have no snow predicted for the next few days.  It will be over soon....and followed by "mud season".

[Carol and Banjo]

Hahahaha!!!!   Great start to my day Laurie....this is your best yet!    The little "mini-movie" that just played through my mind as I sat reading this was hilarious.    I have been there....when I've gotten all dressed for the "fun in the snow date", taken Banjo outside to frolic and romp and all he does is stand there looking at me to 'DO SOMETHING'.     Funny, funny, funny!

[Nancy, Ned, Clancy, and Charlie]

Southern California turtles sunbathing in the      snow......  :-}