The Trials and Tribulations of a Stage (Calendar) Doodle Mom!!

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Last Sunday started off like any ordinary Sunday.  My husband watched his favorite morning show, CBS Sunday Morning, and I tried to refrain from talking and breathing too loudly for fear he would miss one word of the show.  At one point, he was holding Fudge and cuddling with her and when she jumped down to greet me, Vern immediately took her place in his lap on his recliner chair.

Two dogs playing musical chairs on his lap during his show did not seem to bother him at all, but when the microwave timer went off to let me know my oatmeal was done, he reacted as if I had yelled into a megaphone, “CAN WE TALK?”  To each his own, I guess, but personally I don’t want to start a beautiful day out by watching a show with depressing segments about Glen Campbell having Alzheimer’s or a grief stricken widower painting his entire town to help ease the loss of his wife.  I don’t need to hear my own husband say he would paint the town red, too, if I died and say it with a big ol’ smile on his face.  No, I much prefer to live in my protected, imaginary cocoon where my husband woos me every night and I look like Heidi Klum.  Give me a mindless sitcom, a show about what you shouldn’t be wearing, or a husband who is less inclined to break out into spontaneous laughter every time I say, “If I go first,” and I would be happy. I get enough of real life with my 86 year old mom, who recently told me this after she joined Weight Watchers, “I know I say all the time I am ready to die, but I just want to make sure I look good when I finally go.”  

 

When the show ended, I asked my daughter if she would like to join her dad and the dogs and me for our morning walk and take some pictures for the Doodle calendar.  Of course, she was thrilled to be invited and right away said no, so I rephrased the question in a way that I knew would assure me of a more positive response.  I asked her if anyone who lived in the house and didn’t pay rent would like to continue living in the house rent free and if so, would that person also like to take some pictures for a Doodle calendar?  It was amazing how quickly she changed her mind and realized she really did want to take those pictures.   I think her exact words were, “I hate that stupid calendar.”   You really do catch more photographers flies with threats honey.

 

I had high hopes when we left for the park.  Vern was looking pretty good from being groomed on Friday.  Nothing living or dead was hanging off his body and Fudge was her usual beautiful self.  The photographer had resigned herself to the fact that she was going to take some awesome photos of my dogs or find herself living on the streets and my husband seemed alert and focused and I could tell he was behind me all the way by the way he said, “what calendar do you keep talking about?”  The first problem started when I selected our location straight up the top of a hill and was half way up when I heard my husband yell for a poop bag.  It seemed one of the female models had taken a potty break and my husband, aka Mr. Always Prepared, had no bags, so down the hill I went to hand him the bag.  Back up the hill I went where the photographer was already setting up and scouting the perfect spot for the perfect photo.  Everything was falling into place nicely.

 

The first problem started when we had both dogs sit on a stone ledge, but Fudge would not look at the camera.  No amount of cajoling, clapping, whistling, threats, or false promises made that dog turn her head.  If we went to the other side, she turned her head the opposite way. 

Have we ever thought about a backwards Doodle Calendar?

I tried offering the photographer some helpful tips, “you need to do something to get her to turn her head, “ and she in turn said maybe I could start rolling down the hill and as I picked up speed on my descent yell, “Fudge look at me!”  When I asked her how I was supposed to stop myself at the end of the hill, she just smiled and said, “aim for a tree.”

We weren’t accomplishing anything with our cheerful banter, so we regrouped and had them sit on a wooden bench. Fudge seemed to prefer the bench to the stone wall, but then the photographer shrieked and yelled, “Yuck, Vern’s thingy is out!”

Now, I am not a veterinarian, but I was pretty sure Vern’s thingy was not his tongue and when I glanced at Vern’s nether regions I could see the photographer was correct in her assessment.   My dogs are not the best-trained dogs in the world, but they do know some commands, but unfortunately, “look at the stupid camera,” and “put your thingy back in the holster,” are not two that we have worked on recently.  I could just hear the photography group’s critique, “you can’t see Fudge’s eyes and have you tried using the red eye reduction tool in other areas on Vern?”

 

We didn’t get any good pictures today despite many attempts.  No, the models seemed to be purposely working together to thwart all attempts at success. 

 Vern, whatever you do, don't look at the camera!  Either that, or move your paw and show them what you've got!

We quit soon after the male model had his version of a wardrobe malfunction and my husband yelled, “that’s my boy!” I knew unless the Doodle calendar was going in a whole new direction we didn’t stand a chance with the photos we shot today.  Oh well, we have plenty of time and the photographer isn’t going anywhere.

[F, Calla & Luca]

Maybe you are right Laurie. I may be in the recovery phase from that fever.

[F, Calla & Luca]

Ah Laurie, thank you. But proof, the WWW records all and I believe the discussion I wrote is there and dated for all the world to see. Can you prove you didn't read it until afterward? In the spirit of kindness, I say let bygones be bygones and I think you may be in trouble if I ever hear I owe you a penny we are even. Great minds do indeed think alike and some things bear repeating, or is it we cannot bear the repetition. I am in possession of one great mind, now where is the other one : ) It really is too bad the search function on DK stinks and I never name my discussions in a way that allows me to find them. Great memories don't always reside in great minds : )

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Thanks, Leslie. Vern does the same thing. He follows right behind me as I walk away.

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

BTW, it was a good discussion. I also don't think I caught Doodle Calendar Fever until last year :) LOL

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

F, I just read it and laughed all through it, BUT their is no court that will take this case without any proof.  I would also like to point out that I read it AFTER Pat posted the link and AFTER my blog had been written. At the most all you can say is Great minds think alike. LOL

[Leslie and Halas]

Great blog! The trouble I run into when trying to take pics of Halas is that he will come over to me if I kneel, sit, or lay down to take a picture. I guess we need to refresh his memory on Stay before I can get some new pictures.

[F, Calla & Luca]

Just reread it. The lawsuit will commence shortly. It was good! : ))))

[F, Calla & Luca]

@PAT. Thanks, how much do I owe you : )

[F, Calla & Luca]

Oh Laurie, I am so sorry that in circumstances beyond my control, thanks Pat, my discussion

http://www.doodlekisses.com/forum/topics/join-the-insanity

appeared in your blog. Well, I am going to read it too and see how much plagiarism of it still holds true. I may then sue but not to worry, if I ever find out how much you think I owe you, I will sue for that amount and we will be even.  Life is good : )

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Karen, LOL...about Vern surpassing the master. Something about that camera does it to him every time :)

Bonnie, Thank you!! However, you know I am competitive and I will not rest until we get a good calendar shot of both Doodles together. LOL Try the threats on your offspring...you would be surprised at how cooperative they can become...LOL.

Thanks, Carol. I was worried that might be too much information :)

Pat, I am always happy to dole out some great parenting tips. Now remember, don't let their comments back to you hurt your feelings..LOL!! Be strong!! Yes, my DD takes all my good pictures. I will tell her what you said!!

Thank you!

F, I hope you submit one or two really bad great photos that have no a chance to bump Fudge and Vern get in the calendar. Don't give up. I know I am not rooting for you :) Just kidding. Enter!! You never know what catches Adina's eye and Calla and Luca are two beautiful dogs!! I remember that discussion and I am going to re-check it out since Pat posted the link.

Thanks, Doris. OMD...Knox does this, too. I have no idea what it means, but every time I try to take a picture it happens with Vern. WTD! What does that say about our dogs?? Doggie porn calendar....I have tons of those pictures....LOL!!  I can't wait to tell my DD your suggestion. She is a member of DK, so maybe she will write you personally and thank you or tell you where you can go what she thinks of your suggestion. LOL

Jennifer, Jack is a stinker :) LOL

Pat, I don't want F's crap  blog in my discussion.  Thank you so much. How can I get even repay you?