Vern and His Manhood!! Slightly R Rated!

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Four weeks ago, Vern went back to training class. We are in a group class with the same trainer we have worked with before. He is a breeder of Belgian Malinois dogs.  The trainer is a macho kind of guy, loves to tell his “war stories”, and thinks his dogs are the best breed of dog ever produced by man.  Privately, I call them Mallomar Bars, but feel it is not necessary to publicly agitate a man who trains police dogs. 

 

The class has been good for Vern.  This is the first class, besides puppy class, he has taken without Fudge and initially it was hard for him.  Vern takes a lot of his cues from Fudge and is even less brave when she is not there. The first class he went into like a man being led to the gallows and the trainer talked about fearful dogs and went on about Labradoodles and Goldendoodles.  I felt badly that the Doodle representing all of Doodledom was sitting at my feet with buckets of drool hanging off his face.  It was hard to pipe up and say, “Doodles are brave, outgoing dogs!” while I was searching for a Kleenex or some way to rid Vern of the spittle dangling off his chin. 

 

After the first class, I came home slightly wound up and ranted to my husband that this trainer had a lot of opinions that irritated me. I liked and respected all his training techniques, but his opinions about Doodles being designer dogs and breeders that breed Doodles, rankled me enough that I finally asked him after class one day if he thought there were any good Doodle breeders.  He sidestepped the question, and just said he had trained a few with problems this past year.  I guess I could have asked him if he had ever seen a Belgian Malinois with a problem, but I just decided I don’t have to go to dinner with this trainer, or exchange birthday presents with him, or care what dog he prefers, as long as Vern benefits from this class.   So far, the trainer has been great with Vern and for Vern, and he is kind and fair and very knowledgeable and each class, Vern has gained more confidence and that is what counts to me.

 

This does not mean that I don’t feel a little competitive and want Vern to do well and change the trainer’s mind about Doodles, because I do.  For that reason, every week before class I tell Vern that just because he is missing some manly body parts does not mean he cannot man up and show those other dogs a thing or two.  Well, lately it seems like Vern has taken my advice to heart because almost every time we train and I praise him, his “business” makes an appearance and there he sits wagging his tail and smiling and looking like he is thinking, “you said to man up!” I don’t know who remembers Mr. Big from Sex and the City, but for the purposes of this blog and to avoid any confusion, I will refer to Vern’s “business” from here on out as Mr. Red. 

The other day my husband and I were working with the dogs in the park and sure enough Mr. Red showed up and I pointed it out to my husband with an “ewwww,” and my husband patted Vern on the head and proudly said, “that’s my boy!” I certainly didn’t think reinforcing this behavior was the way to go, especially since my husband does not attend classes with Vern and a trainer who already thinks Doodles are genetically inferior.  It is getting embarrassing and the thought of standing across the training room from Vern and his best friend, Mr. Red, and yelling, “Come, Vern!” makes me feel like his name should be Kern and my name should be Kaurie and we should be filming an episode of Keeping Up With the Kardashians.

 

On top of that, Vern has gone to the dark side and developed a crush on a cute little female Belgian Malinois in the class.  Vern went from being the dog that sat quietly by my side to the classroom Lothario in a matter of three weeks.  Last class, when we were sitting listening to the instructor, I saw him skooching over to get closer to his girlfriend.  He wags his tail a lot more and watches her every chance he gets.  She likes Vern, too, and play bows to him and I get the feeling they are just biding their time until they can blow this training class and get outside and wrestle. I thought at our next class I would ask my trainer what his opinion was regarding mixing his much loved Belgian Malinois breed with a Doodle and calling it a Belgian WaffleDoodle.  That ought to give him something to think about before he falls asleep at night.

 

Meanwhile, we are out every day doing all kinds of fun new things to open up Vern and Fudge’s minds to new experiences.  The trainer suggested in class everyone look for a small area like a picnic table, etc. and have your dog jump up on that and go through basic commands with your dog confined to that small space.

I figured we might as well try it, in case Vern ever decides to join the circus and work with the clowns, but I am still not sure he is going to be able to fit in a clown car for the finale. 

This week we went to the park and went down a children’s slide and Vern wasn’t scared at all and wanted to go back for seconds. We also found an old construction horse back in the woods and have been trying to get the dogs to jump over it. 

Fudge loves this exercise and is beautiful and graceful to watch.  Vern runs full speed towards the horse and then right UNDER it every time.  He is so proud of himself when he gets to the other side and dances around and nudges Fudge like he is saying, “I did it, too!!”

 

You have my daughter (the one in Oregon) to blame for this blog. I tried to tell her about my dogs and the construction horse and all the fun things we did at the park and when I finished, she pretended like her French Bulldog, Jazz, was speaking and said, “Grandma, this story is boring and stupid.” Can you imagine what Jazz would have said if I told him about Vern and Mr. Red?  Luckily, I have all of you to tell instead.

[F, Calla & Luca]

Oh, Laurie you know me too well. But I'd like to think those who "know" me understand I could not possibly think this is how genius is spelled and the rest, well after a certain age you don't care what people think quite so much. Sometimes I cringe at my typos which can no longer be corrected.

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Deanna, Thank you for my morning chuckle. It does seem like Kayla is a Mensa candidate in the making. Her way really is smarter, after all. Based on your recommendation, I will assume Vern is a genius, although there is some evidence to the contrary, but for now, I will let him has his moment...LOL!!

F, Don't you wonder when your comment goes by on the front page, if people know we really do know how to spell genius...LOL!

[F, Calla & Luca]

I agree with you, Deanna. Vern is the real jenius in the family!

[Deanna & Desi & Cori]

Belgian WaffleDoodle - Ha Ha Ha!!!!

Regarding going UNDER the horse - I think you're selling Vern short.  I believe his choice may be a sign of great intelligence.  Let me illustrate by way of an example.  Kayla has this sorting box.

She's to the point where she can match up the shapes pretty well, but doesn't have the dexterity to gently line up the object so that it drops through the hole, usually resorting to just slamming it harder and harder, hoping it will go in (I think she gets that from her grandfather!)  I was showing her how to take her time, line it up, and drop.  When it was her turn, she took one of the objects, took off the yellow top, easily dropped in the shape, then replaced the top.  She took the next object, did the same thing and looked at me with pride, as if to say, "Oma, what's with you?  My way is so much easier!!!"  Obviously a sign of brilliance!!!  

I believe Vern just figured out the easier, and thus the smarter, way to get to the other side of the horse.  Why expend all that energy when you can just run under!!!??   

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Christine, Glad this gave you a laugh!! Thank you!

Linda, We are in the car every day. Thank goodness Vern does not do this when he gets in the car....LOL!!  Gotta love Murphy and Vern :)

[Christine & Camus]

Man up and Mr. Red, gotta love it!  I needed a good laugh and now I feel much better.  Thanks Laurie

[Linda and Murphy]

Vern is just a "TUNNEL" dog like Murph.

When Murphy was a pup going to daycare, he would get very "excited" when I cam to pick him up. The vet tech would yell at him " Put that lipstick back in its case, Murphy!!"

Now he only seems to do it when we get in the car and I have to buckle his seat belt.....

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Karen, It probably is TMI :) LOL

Doris, I think you should tell her all about a guy named Mr. Red..LOL!! Thank you!

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Bonnie, I agree with your Hokum comment :) Vern and Fudge sound like Owen and Kona. I will let you decide who is who...LOL!!

Kaytlin, Count your blessings. LOL

GBK, Thank you! Buddy and Vern must really like being told what to do....LOL!!

Jennifer, I remember your saga of Jack's troubles....LOL!!

F, I knew you would like that part :) You should get a picture of that for the Photography Group...maybe March's assignment...LOL!!

Thanks, Linda. Class starts back up 3/10, so I should have more material :) LOL

Thanks, Lorraine.

BG, I never thought about a Speedo. I wonder what size Vern is...LOL!!

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Jennifer, We had a female Lab that always went after my DD's pillow when the song "Macarena" came on. I always thought I could have won money for that video :) I guess Vern is a quite the Romeo...LOL!

Pat, Thank you! I will tell my DD that someone likes my story :) So far, I have not had that problem with Vern.

Elizabeth, I never even heard of Belgian Malinois before we took this class. I thought they were German Shepherds :) LOL  There must be a connection between trainers who own the Mallomar Bars and say bad things about Doodles :)

Jane, LOL...I remember your problem with those Irish boys :) I guess when the mood strikes, what are you going to do?? LOL

Jane, LOL...poor Vern would be so embarrassed :)

Thanks, PJ and Janie!!

Lisa, LOL

Donna, I like your way with words :) LOL

Karen, Thank you! Vern is fixed and usually doesn't do this...this is a new thing :) I guess training makes him feel manly!