Who's In Charge Here?

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

We have moved and the dogs have been uprooted to a new location.  They lived all their lives in our previous home and the change has been both fun and hard.  I thought Vern would have the most trouble adjusting, but it seems to be Fudge.  Neither of my dogs have ever been a Velcro dog, but since the move, everywhere I turn, Fudge is there and I have to honestly say it is driving me a little batty.  In our previous home, we could only see one neighbor and we were far enough off the road that the dogs didn’t get to see people walking by, other dogs, or much traffic.  That has all changed.  We have a friendly dog across the way who likes to come over and say hi and another neighbor who runs with his dog up and down our street and the neighbor lady next door has several dogs.  Just to top off all the fun, the neighbor whose yard we look directly into just got a puppy.  I still remember saying to John before we bought this house, “I think the dogs will be fine as long as we don’t have close neighbors with dogs.”

 

Well, now we got one Velcro dog and another dog that now thinks his name is, “Stop Barking, Vern!”  Vern has decided that he is in charge of protection at our new home and runs out every day and barks at NOTHING.  He barks over me while I am telling him to stop barking.  Every day as I open the door and say, “no barking, Vern,” he turns and looks at me to let me know he hears what I am saying and then wags his tail and gives me a “woof.”  The poor neighbor kid was trying to take her puppy out the other day and Vern stood at our fence and let her know that he did not think her timing was going to work for him.  Since I was in my robe and slippers and had just gotten up and not combed my hair yet, I did not want to further traumatize the kid by running out there looking like Maxine from the Hallmark cards and dragging Vern back in the house.  With every “stop barking” I gave him, he looked at me and woofed.  I am starting to think the stop barking command means something else to Vern. By the time I got on a quick outfit and ran out there, I was so mad I could spit.  Later, as I told myself things would get better, I let them both out the front door just as the guy with the dog was running by and this time they both started barking and would not stop.  The bad thing is I am not only mad at my dogs when this stuff happens, but I find myself mad at the other people who had the audacity to bring their dogs out when we are out and even I, feel that may be irrational. I also know something has got to change.

 

The thing is Vern has always taken his protection duties very seriously and seems so proud of himself that I hate to get so mad at him.  Since we are much closer to family we have had more company and while both dogs have been very good, each and every day that the company is here Vern barks at them like he has never seen them before.  John said it best when he said, “Every day is a new day for Vern.” As soon as I say, “Vern, that is so and so,” he is fine, but I can’t help but wonder if he needs glasses or is more undersmart than we feared.  I thought about spraying him with a water bottle, but I am guessing he would like that punishment, so I thought about using vodka in the bottle in the hopes that he would drink while I was spraying him until he passed out and stopped barking.

 

Along with the barking, I have Fudge who has taken on the herding abilities of a cattle dog (I really don’t like that analogy, because it makes me the cattle, but you get the picture) and seems to circle me repeatedly until I end up going where she wants. At a certain time she is ready for bed and I am usually more than happy to go back with her and get on my computer, but sometimes I have other stuff to do.  The other night I was addressing my Christmas cards and Fudge circled the dining room table until I started to get dizzy. I can hardly concentrate on what I am doing because I can see her going by and know she is waiting for me to go to bed.  The thing is John could be going around and around the table waiting for me to go to bed and I wouldn’t feel the same sense of urgency.  Anyways, when Fudge sensed her hypnotic pacing was getting her nowhere with me she grabbed a stuffed animal I had just purchased for Archer and walked by with it in her mouth making sure to look at me so I could see that some action on my part, and maybe calling it a night and going to bed, was needed.

 

This week my sister visited from Baltimore and right before The Voice came on, Fudge started circling my chair in the living room.  Nothing gets in the way of that show for me, so I said to my sister I could either leave her in peace or she could join us back in my bedroom. My sister and I shared a bed for many years and she still complains that I made her sleep with so many stuffed animals that it made her sick and she had to go to the doctor.  Usually when she starts her reminiscing, I just look at her and say,  “You are sixty. Let it go!”  She also used to draw an imaginary line down the middle of the bed and tell me I couldn’t cross it, which to me was like a dare and all but made me spend most nights crossing it just to make her mad.  So when I suggested she come back to my bedroom and join the dogs and me on my bed so we could watch The Voice in peace I thought she might start crying and blabber on about her pitiful childhood, but she said ok.  There we were, two grown women, sharing a bed once again so one chocolate Labradoodle could have her way.  Luckily, there was no imaginary line this time, but 160 pounds of furry Doodles separating us and my sister didn’t complain once, well except about being cold because Vern was hogging the blankets and Fudge’s feet were pushing into her face.  They made those stuffed animals seem more like a fond memory than a curse.

 

All I can say is when my sister left I took my two for a long walk and as we passed an elderly man and woman both walking with canes, the woman said my dogs were well behaved and the man said he wasn’t afraid of them. I was sad to think that the woman must be senile and Vern was mad to think the man did not fear him, so he let out a little growl to let him know he had better mind his p’s & q’s, because nothing and nobody was safe in Vern’s opinion. 

[Ricki and Tara (doodle)]

OMD is right! This is hilarious Laurie!  Maybe your next house guest should be Doggy Dan-although I don't recommend you invite him into bed to watch The Voice! Come to think of it that would really make for a great blog!  LOL    Oh, and Tara has decided to hand over the Diva crown to Fudge-she's in awe!! 

[Jenny and Cooper]

LOL! Just hilarious! I miss reading your blogs! I was picturing my family visiting your new home. It would be quite an adventure! :)

[Cheryl and Finnegan]

OMD I'm wiping my eyes. This may be your funniest blog ever.  I'll comment when I can stop laughing. I do hope Fudge starts to relax.  Vern seems to be doing just fine lol.