Why I Haven't Been Around Much

[Nancie & Gracie Doodle]

To all my Doodle friends I just want you all to know how much of an emotional escape Doodle Kisses has been for me the last almost three weeks.  You have no idea how much it helped me get through some bad times by just taking a few minutes to read all the comments.

 

My mother would have been 90 this September.  Over the last 5 years she developed Type 2 Diabetes, Dementia, could not walk and became incontinent.  We had three wonderful girls who took care of her in her home just three blocks from my house.  The Dementia made my mother mean and nasty and hateful to those who loved her and that in itself was very hard for me because she was my best friend and the last 5 years she was not the same woman.  Also, I lost the ability to talk to her, cry on her shoulder or just vent.  She just was incapable of any love, feeling or conversation unless it was complaining about herself and how she wanted to drive her car, get all these "people" out of her house and she wanted me to give her back her check book!!!  No way...she didn't have a clue what she was doing and eventually could no longer even hold a pen or sign her name.  She didn't know who I was half the time and when she did she would kick me out of her house.  Thank God for my Gracie Doodle.  She is what has kept me sane all these years!  With the help of DH and our two kids.  So, I was in Boston three weeks ago for Mother's Day with my son and grandchildren.  We flew all day back to San Diego on Monday, turned on our phones at the airport and had a message from one of the caregivers.  She didn't know what to do but my mother was acting strangely.  We told her to call 911, took a cab home, dropped off our luggage and drove up to the hospital.  On Thursday the doctor finally did a Cat Scan and said she had had a stroke in the Pons area of the brain.  She could not speak or swallow and was paralyzed.  Only thing to be done was to insert a feeding tube into her stomach for the rest of her life.  My Power of Attorney said no heroic measures and no life support.  Also, what we were seeing in the hospital was the best she would ever get and it was not a good quality of life.  So I had to make the decision to take her off all life support and bring her home to die.  We called Hospice and they transitioned us to home and trained my three caregivers as to what to do and about the morphine.  After that, the watch was on! I have to say that this is the most painful thing a person could ever go through.  I would so much rather a heart attack or stroke where you are gone instantly.  Our lives have been on hold and it is hard to know what day of the week it is.  It took her 16 days to die without water or food.  She died yesterday morning at 9:24 AM in our family home where I grew up and was surrounded with all her family but my son and grandchildren.  They are in Boston and we couldn't keep them out here for two weeks with the kids in school and things.  My son did swing through San Diego by detouring his business trip to the West Coast to see her so they did get to say good bye.  My mother still had her eye sight and hearing for those two weeks and so she knew who was here.  My son is again arriving in a few hours (after the fact) but he needs to for himself.  My daughter drove down from San Jose with her husband and dog over a week ago and she and Luna have stayed on.  We flew her husband back to work but flew him back down last night.  So, I will have both of my children here tonight through the weekend which will be nice. 

 

I hope to get back active to DK soon.  There are still things to be done.  We have a reverse mortgage on her house and now need to empty out 55 years of stuff and memories so we can do some remodeling and put it on the market.  We have one year to pay back the RM from the time she vacates the home.  Lots of sadness, memories and laughing are soon to come as I go through pictures and momentos. 

 

So I just wanted you all to know how much DoodleKisses means to me and how it is my "go to" place when I am sad, lonely or just want to feel like I belong somewhere.  I thank you all for being such wonderful friends.

 

Nancie and Gracie Doodle

[Phyllis & Duffy]

Nancie, so sorry for your loss.  I can relate.  Right now I am in Arizona with my mother who is in Dementia and terribly confused.  It breaks your heart to see your loved one so confused.  For those of you out there with well parents, cherish each time you are with them.  My mom lives with my sister and we have caretakers for her but watching her all day taking things in and out of her purse, counting her money over and over, looking around with that "lost" look saying she wants to go home.  It's torture to watch, pure torture.  I only hope that should this happen to me, there will be something available for us.  Nancie, treasure your memories - they will never leave you.  She will live in your heart for ever.

[Tina, Clover, Plus 5 More]

Nancie, so sorry to hear about your mother passing.  Late last summer my dad passed after battling cancer for over 5 years.  The last 2 weeks was so hard watching him struggle, he was ready but his body wasn't.  It's a hard decision to make but maybe you can find a little comfort in knowing she is no longer suffering.  I will be keeping you and your family in my thoughts and prayers.

[Chuck Holliman]

Nancie:

Sorry for the loss of your mother; dementia is such a terrible disease for the elderly.  It sounds like it was the right time to end her suffering from the disease. 

My mom will be 90 at the end of August and is doing well mentally, but having a lot of other health issues.  She lives in Los Osos and we would like to get her to come to the desert to help her out, but she insists on being on her own and it is "too hot" here for her.  That may change, but I don't have a lot of hope.

We appreciate your support for Rusty, he is doing amazingly well right now.  We just don't know how long it will last and have to watch that we don't get our hopes to high.

 

Warm Regards & Kisses from Rusty!

 

Chuck, Jan & Rusty

[Denise & Sophie]

I am so sorry for your loss. I totally understand about Dementia I have my 88 yr old father here and he is in the first stage. Please know that you are in our prayers.

[Julie and Maggie]

Nancie, I just saw this and I am so sorry for your loss. Sending you hugs and praying for your mother resting in peace.

[Joyce & Wilson]

Nancie..may you find comfort knowing your mom is at peace now.  Hugs to you and your family

 

[cheryl & oliver]

Nancie, there must be something wrong with my computer still.  I just looked again and there is your posting about your Mom's passing...Again, so sorry for your loss,,,It is so hard to watch them change.  Hugs and prayers to you and your family....

[Carla, Lucca and Izzy]

Nancie...hugs to you and your family. They say with Dementia or Alzheimer's you lose your loved one twice. The first when you become a stranger and the second when they pass. We just went through this with my FIL who was diagnosed with Lewy Body Dementia and thankfully he passed quickly. I dealt with the at home hospice with my dad 3 years ago. I had a Golden Retriever at the time but her hugs and licks was what helped me though it all. Best to you and yours......

[Donna K & Quincy]

Not sure your children would appreciate your licks as much as you do Gracie's. :>)

[Nancie & Gracie Doodle]

Thanks you Deanna.  When I arrived home after the long day up at my Mother's, Gracie too greeted me and kissed away all my tears.  She was probably licking my face for a good 5 minutes and it just felt sooo right!  I wonder if I should go lick my children's faces...ha ha!