Bonding With Murphy

[Jane, Guinness and Murphy]

This is probably much more of a blog than a group discussion, but since it's all about training I decided it belongs here.  You all know that Murph and I have been going through some "tough times" since he became a teenager.  We have been training every day for weeks....and I DO mean every day (I have the bad hair to prove it on those "rainy days").  Murphy is a pretty difficult dog.  He is strong and very stubborn...he's all about WHAT HE WANTS.  Treats and praise are a big joke to this guy....he'd much rather have a goose, or a squirrel, or a jogger. We've had some pretty frustrating days of late, but yesterday and today were wonderful.  He was so engaged with me, and there was none of his usual nonsense.  Now tomorrow could be completely different...there are ups and downs. I'm ready for that. Today I started to think about what has happened with our relationship over the past couple of weeks.  As I was looking at him today while we were training, I realized that there was no way I could love this guy more than I did at that moment.  He was heeling right next to me....totally engaged with me...and his only "fault" was that he kept trying to lick my left hand which was by my side.  I have always read that training bonds you with your dog.  It "sort of" did with Guinness, but definitely not to the same degree as with Murph.  Guinness and I went through all the classes...he did exactly what he was taught to do (quickly)...and he was happy while I was proud.  With Murph the experience has been nothing like that.  We've had to work so hard together to make progress....little by little.  He was never the most "affectionate guy"....that was Guinness's role.  Lately though, that's changed.  He is now the one who wants to be near me...he's the guy who presses his body next to me in bed at night with his head on my stomach.  So, now I do totally believe there is something to be said for what training can do for your bond.  I also am starting to think that the more difficult it is, the stronger that bond becomes.  What a wonderful gift.

[cheryl & oliver]

Oh Jane, I am so happy for you and Murph !!!!....It really is a gift for both of you....Now you have a dog that is still a teenager, but into his Mom and learning to do what is expected of him. I would bet that the good days will become more and more frequent from now on. I am sure there will be the bad days, but after all we humans have good days and bad days too, so why shouldn't our fur kids have them too. You deserve a nice glass of wine tonight, and maybe a nice treat for the Murph...Maybe he just needed that one on one time with you more then you realized? Or maybe he just wanted more learning time? Do we really know what goes thru their minds???...Whatever it is with Murph, it is working for both of you, WTG Mom & Murphy!!!!...Keep us informed please....Cheryl

[Adina P]

It is pretty amazing isn't it! My training mentor once said that having three fully trained dogs is like being married to three people. It is very very bonding. There's a relationship formed of mutual responsibility and trust that is hard to obtain otherwise.

Rosco didn't used to be very cuddly or affectionate.... We got serious about training at just under 6 months but had a lot of hiccups and difficulties. So the second serious attempt at 1 year is what really bonded us. He's a total momma's boy but not by default. Only through the time and work we spent together. I do think that the 'tough' dogs do make the bond stronger. So much more sweat and tears spent on making things work. I had a few days when I came home crying. While Rosco didn't have the same issues as Murphy some days were tough!

I'm very happy for you and Murphy and your progress together =)

[BG and Gavin]

Thanks for posting this here Jane. Not only is it really great news, but I am sure it will be inspiring to those who are going through tough times with their more willful doodles. Especially interesting is the contrast between your training with Guiness vs Murphy and the different personalities. They are really like kids aren't they? Some are more difficult to raise than others, but loved none the less.

[Karen, Jasper and Jackdoodle]

You can read training books and magazine articles that emphasize how training helps develop a bond between you and your dog, but reading about your experiences with Murphy really illustrates this so much better! There's a certain joy that comes with those moments when you and your dog are really communicating with each other, and you have captured it here so well! I'm so happy for you and especially for Murph!

[Ricki and Tara (doodle)]

This is wonderful Jane! I read something similar about training creating a bond. It said that it doesn't matter who feeds them, walks them or plays with them. The person they will bond to the most is the person who trains them! Good work Jane!!

[Linda, Webber and Seda]

I had a hard time with Webber some weeks when he was an adolescent. Some days he did what I asked of him and other days he completely ignored me in favor of what he wanted to do. His "naughty" behavior came in groups of days alternating with really good days. His development was very uneven. I took him to Super Manners, Canine Good Citizen obedience and then Therapy dog classes to try to get his focus on me, to intensify the bonding and to strive for quick responses to commands. I worked with him every day. I fed him all his meals by hand, and once, tied him to me for the day (which became very inconvenient!). Eventually he grew out of being naughty. I, like you, am convinced that the training helped. And, I noticed a big change in him again, when he turned 2. He was calmer, more affectionate by his choice, and just plain wonderful. When I took him cross country in the car he could not have been better behaved and was off leash 95% of the time. Between the two I have, Webber had far more energy, and was more headstrong. Seda is easy going, sensitive to commands and extremely affectionate. She is much easier as a puppy than Webber, but he has become an amazingly clever, wonderful dog. It is SO worth the effort to hang in there!!

[Clifford, Cloud, Jake..and Kim]

Jane your timing on this post is amazing. First, congratulations on all of your hard work with Murphy and seeing not only success with that but also the strong bond. Clifford has suddenly become a self-absorbed teenager - pulling constantly on our walks and totally ignoring us, especially if there is a squirrel or a bunny! Your success has inspired me to step up his training and I can't wait to get started. Congratulations on a job well done - you both deserve kudos.

[Jane, Guinness and Murphy]

Thanks, Kim...keep us all posted on how Clifford's training goes.

[Jane, Guinness and Murphy]

Thanks everyone for your sweet and encouraging comments. Murph and I have months to go before I think he'll be really "trained", but at least now we're having lots of "little successes", and that's enough to make it all worthwhile and keep me going.

[Maryann,Roo and Tigger]

Boy can I relate. I just got back from the best walk with both dogs. Bad days are getting rarer now, but it wasn't always so. First there was Roo who was just plain a high energy, easily distracted dog. With a lot of training and training help he is now a "dog who loves to work" ( quote from one of trainers). And he is totally bonded to me.

Then there is Tigger who was a sweetheart from birth to 18 months. However he never really bonded to anyone. To all appearances well trained. Then all #@*% broke loose. I seriously considered tying him to me for a few weeks again. Then he ate a razor, had surgery, recuperation I think worked like tying him to me, he was so glad to come home he stayed close. Back into serious training mode, not only is he now much better - he even comes reliably to a new command, but he is really becoming cuddly with me and follows me around.

And we can go on walks together, all three of us and come home with my sanity intact. Hurray. Stay with it Jane - it is worth it.

[Kyoko]

Jane, I am so happy to hear about this.... I think through the training, they gain self confidence and stronger trust in us.....

[Susan and Sasha]

Jane...I'm so happy for you and Murph...
I have come to know...and love both Guinness and Murphey through these months...and have gotten to know them...through you...Thank You!!
When you were talking about your bonding time...and the cuddling times...all brought about through the times of all of the hard work of training...with love...well...I really did have one of those moments!!
You know...when you kind of get all teary eyed...
Here's an Interesting Thought...
Just like with our human relationships...our relationship with our Doods are so very precious...
When we go through the difficult times...and work through them...we grow closer together...and...the relationship becomes stronger...
I Agree with you Jane....it's a Wonderful Gift...